Jokes

1. An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about," the son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer" the old man says. "We're sick and tired of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her." And he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting a divorce, she shouts. I'll take care of this." She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" And she hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone, smiles and turns to his wife. "They're coming for Christmas and paying their own way."


2. My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we are in bed.
I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No." She answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" "Yes." She replied.
Then I said, "I'd like to phone a friend." That's the last thing I remember.