Joke

Ways to Confuse Santa

* Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.

* While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.

* Leave him a note explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.

* While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.

* Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!

* Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.

* Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.

* Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.

* While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.

* Leave Santa a note explaining that you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.

* Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for Santa to get caught in it, and then explain that you're sorry, but from a distance, he looked like a bear.

* Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue.