Jokes

1. The soldier was tired and sleepy from a long train ride in a miserable old-day coach. On top of this, two fussy old ladies were keeping him awake with argument about a window. One wanted it closed and the other wanted it open. This fuss finally brought the conductor.
"Conductor," said one, "if that window is opened, I'll just freeze to death!" "And if it is kept closed," whined the other, "I'll suffocate."
The poor conductor didn't know what to do and finally turned to the GI for help. "What would you do, soldier, if it were a military problem?" "In the Army we handle such problems like a double-prong attack. Open the window and freeze one of them, then close it and suffocate the other."



2. Mrs. Rosen is having her house painted, and her husband comes home from work and leans against the freshly painted wall. The next day, she says to the painter, "You want to see where my husband put his hand last night?" He sighs and says, "Look, lady, I got a tough day's work ahead of me. Why don't you just make us a cup of tea?"


3. An American journalist was stopped at a Russian Check-point in the bullet-pocked suburb of Chechnya. The Russian soldier said, "Get out of the car and open the trunk!" The American replied, "I'm sorry, but the hand brake on the car is broken. I can't take my foot off the brake or it'll roll back down the hill."
So the Russian says, "Do you take me for a FOOL?!" as he slides into the passenger seat, and stamps his big boot onto the brake pedal. "Now, go and open the trunk!" So the journalist reluctantly complies with the soldier's request and goes and opens the trunk of the car.
"Now", shouts the Russian from inside the car, "Is there any contraband in there?"



4. A widow and widower married and on the first night he reached over, took her hand and they fell asleep. The second night he reached over and took her hand, again they fell asleep. The third night he reached for her hand and she said, "Not tonight
dear, I have a headache."