Joke

"Yes" = No
"No" = Yes
"Maybe" = No
"I'm sorry." = you'll be sorry.
" We need" = I want
"It's your decision" = the correct decision should be obvious by now.
"Do what you want" = you'll pay for this later.
" We need to talk" = I need to complain
"Sure... go ahead" = I don't want you to.
" I'm not upset" = of course I'm upset, you moron!
" You're ... so manly" = you need a shave and you sweat a lot.
" You're certainly attentive tonight" = is sex all you ever think about?
" Be romantic, turn out the lights" = I have flabby thighs.
" This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I want a new house.
" I want new curtains" = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
" Hang the picture there" = NO, I mean hang it there!
" I heard a noise" = I noticed you were almost asleep.
" Do you love me?" = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
" How much do you love me?" = I did something today you're really not going to like.
" I'll be ready in a minute." = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
" Is my butt fat?" = Tell me I'm beautiful.
" You have to learn to communicate." = Just agree with me.
" Are you listening to me!?" = [Too late, you're dead.]
" Was that the baby?" = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
" I'm not yelling!" = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.