Some Christmas laws

The Christmas Presents Laws:

1. If it doesn't run off the mains, batteries are never included

2. If it does run off the mains, a plug is never included

3. Everything is designed to break by Dec 26

4. If you can wear it, it's the wrong size

5. If it fits, the color is never right


Things You Don't Want To Hear At Your Office Christmas Party

10. "I think the icing on this cake is white-out"

9. "The bar will be open from 9:00 to 9:05"

8. "I've never seen chunky egg nog before"

7. "My New Year's resolution is to stop videotaping the men's room"

6. "Ooh, another windbreaker with the company logo - - This will help me put my kids through college"

5. "You're supposed to sit naked on the xerox machine, not the shredder"

4. "Put on Regis Philbin's Christmas album"

3. "Why is Shecky naked?"

2. "There's Letterman - - Get him!"

1. "Yeah, a glass of watery cider and a cookie makes up for a year of bullshit"