Jokes

1. A white haired man walked into a jeweler's shop late one Friday with a beautiful young lady at his side. "I'm looking for a special ring for my girlfriend," he said.
The jeweler looked through his stock, and took out a lovely ring priced at $5,000.
"I don't think you understand, I want something very unique," he said.
At that, the jeweler went to get his special stock from the safe. "Here's a stunning ring at just $40,000." The girls' eyes sparkled, and the man said that he would take it. "How are you paying?"
"I'll pay by check, but of course you will want to make sure everything is in order at the bank, so I'll write the check and you can phone the bank tomorrow. I'll pick up the ring on Monday."
Monday morning a very teed-off jeweler phoned the man. "You old fart, you lied! There's no money in that account." "I know, but can you imagine what a fantastic weekend I had?"



2. I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed fine.
Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the customer delete and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my co-workers for help; they offered no new ideas.
After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of this "yellow" construction paper?"



3. Area 51

Have you heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51"? Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.
The pilot's story was that he took off from Las Vegas, got lost, and spotted the base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.
By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his
life in prison, told him Las Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.
The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MPs surrounded the plane -- only this time there were two people in the plane. The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to
me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!"