Jokes

1. Nathan is talking to his lawyer. "Here's the deal, Abe. If you're absolutely sure I'll win the case, I'll give you the business." "Okay," replies Abe, "but before I can give you my opinion, I obviously need to know the facts."
So Nathan goes into great detail about his failed partnership and ends up saying, "So now you've heard everything, do you think I can sue my partner and get my money back?"
"Well," replies Abe, "from what I've just heard, it's clear to me that you will win. It's rare to have such an open-and-shut case." Nathan goes very white when he hears this. "What's the matter?" asks Abe. "I told you my partner's side of the case," replies Nathan.


2. Once upon a time, the government had a huge scrap pile of in the middle of the desert. Congress decided that "someone may steal from it in the middle of the night". So they created a nightwatchman position and hired a person for the job. Then Congress asked, "How does the nightwatchman do his job without instruction?"
So they created a planning department and hired two people; one person to write the instructions and one person to do time studies. Then Congress wondered, "How will we know the nightwatchman is doing the tasks correctly?"
So they created a quality control department and hired two people: one to do the studies and one to write the report. Then Congress asked, "How are these people going to be paid?" So they hired two more people: a timekeeper and a payroll officer.
Congress the inquired, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired three people: an administrative officer, an administrative assistant, and a legal secretary.
Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget. We must cut back overall cost." So they laid off the nightwatchman...



3. Serving as a Marine recruiter in western North Carolina , I found a young man who met all the requirements and was ready to enlist. I explained the importance of being truthful on the application, and he began filling out his paper work.
But when he got to the question: "Do you own any foreign property or have any foreign financial interests?" he looked up at me with a worried expression. "Well," he confessed, "I do own a Toyota."



4. Before performing a Baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?" "I think so," the man replied. "My wife made appetizers last night and we have a caterer coming this morning with roast beef, fried chicken and potato salad."
"I don't mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you prepared spiritually?"
"Sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a case of bourbon."