An
Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost
everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move
apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this,
Father?" The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I
have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother."
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A girl from Oklahoma and a girl from Wisconsin were seated side by side on a plane.
The girl from Oklahoma, being friendly and all said, "So, where y'all from?"
The Wisconsin girl said, "From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence."
The girl from Oklahoma sat quietly for a few moments and then replied, "So, where y'all from, bitch?"
----------------------
Some humorous statements
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Life is sexually transmitted.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection make him a sandwich.
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Some people are like Slinkies... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs...
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother."
---------------------
A girl from Oklahoma and a girl from Wisconsin were seated side by side on a plane.
The girl from Oklahoma, being friendly and all said, "So, where y'all from?"
The Wisconsin girl said, "From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence."
The girl from Oklahoma sat quietly for a few moments and then replied, "So, where y'all from, bitch?"
----------------------
Some humorous statements
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Life is sexually transmitted.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection make him a sandwich.
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Some people are like Slinkies... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs...
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
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