Advice From Jim
Dear Friends,
It is important for men to remember that as women grow
older it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping
as they did when they were younger. When men notice this, they should try not
to yell. Let me relate how I handle the situation.
When I got laid off from my consulting job and took
"early retirement" in January, it became necessary for Nancy to get a
full-time job, both for extra income and for health benefits that we need. She
was a trained medical transcriptionist when we met twenty-eight ears ago and
was fortunate to land a job at a local transcription house. It was shortly
after she started working at this job that I noticed that she was beginning to
show her age.
I usually get home from fishing or hunting about the same
time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost
always says that she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts
supper. I try not to yell at her when this happens. Instead, I tell her to take
her time. I understand that she is not as young as she used to be. I just tell
her to wake me when she finally does get supper on the table.
She used to wash and dry the dishes as soon as we
finished eating. It is now not unusual for them to sit on the table for several
hours after supper. I do what I can by reminding her several times each evening
that they aren't cleaning themselves. I know she appreciates this, as it does
seem to help her get them done before she goes to bed.
Our washer and dryer are in the basement. When she was
younger, Nancy used to be able to go up and down the stairs all day and not get
tired. Now that she is older she seems to get tired so much more quickly.
Sometimes she says she just can't make another trip down those steps. I don't
make a big issue of this. As long as she finishes up the laundry the next
evening I am willing to overlook it.
Not only that, but unless I need something ironed to wear
to the Monday lodge meeting or to Wednesday's or Saturday's poker club or to
Tuesday's or Thursday's bowling or something like that, I will tell her to wait
until the next evening to do the ironing. This gives her a little more time to
do some of those odds and ends things like shampooing the dog, vacuuming or
dusting. Also, if I have had a really good day fishing, this allows her to gut
and scale the fish at a more leisurely pace.
Nancy is starting to complain a little occasionally. Not
often, mind you, but just enough for me to notice. For example, she will say
that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her
lunch hour. In spite of her complaining, I continue to try to offer
encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That
way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely
now and then wouldn't hurt her any, if you know what I mean.
When doing simple jobs she seems to think she needs more
rest periods than she used to have to take. A couple of weeks ago she said she
had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I overlook
comments like these because I realize it's just age talking. In fact, I try not
to embarrass her when she needs these little extra rest breaks. I tell her to
fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit
for a while. I tell her that as long as she is making one for herself, she may
as well make one for me and take her break by the hammock so she can talk with
me until I fall asleep.
I could go on and on, but I think you know where I'm
coming from. I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support
Nancy on a daily basis. I'm not saying that the ability to show this much
consideration is easy.
Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it
impossible. No one knows better than I do how frustrating women can become as
they get older. My purpose in writing this is simply to suggest that you make
the effort. I realize that achieving the exemplary level of showing
consideration I have attained is out of reach for the average man.
However, guys, even if you just yell at your wife a
little less often because of this article, I will consider that writing it was
worthwhile.
Regards,
Jim
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