Funny: Some jokes

In a terrible accident at a railroad crossing, a train smashed into a car and pushed it nearly four hundred yards
down the track. Though no one was killed, the driver took the train company to court.

At the trial, the engineer insisted that he had given the driver ample warning by waving his lantern back and forth for nearly a minute. He even stood and convincingly demonstrated how he'd done it. The court believed his story, and the suit was dismissed.

"Congratulations," the lawyer said to the engineer when it was over. "You did superbly under cross-examination."

"Thanks," he said, "but he sure had me worried."

"How's that?" the lawyer asked.

"I was afraid he was going to ask if the lantern was lit!"

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Man and woman nude in bed together.

Man reading newspaper with headline:

"Court rules same-sex couples can marry."

Man: "It will make an absolute mockery of traditional marriage!"

Woman: "That's just what my husband says."

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Picking up the Sunday paper at the corner stand, I ran into one of my neighbors doing the same, and said,

" I hear you have an anniversary coming up soon, is that right?"

He replied, "Yep, a big one... 20 years."

"Wow," I exclaimed and asked, "what are you going to get your wife for your anniversary?"

My neighbor replied, "We're going on a trip to Australia."

"Jeez, Australia, that's some gift!" said I. just a wee bit envious.

"That's going to be hard to beat. What are you planing to do for your 25th anniversary?"

"Go back and get her."