Cow from Alberta

The only cow in a small town in USA stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from BC Canada for 1,000 dollars, or one from Alberta Canada for 800 dollars. Being poor, they bought the cow from Alberta. The cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy.
They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again. They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away.
No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the rabbi, who was very wise, what to do.
They told the rabbi what was happening; "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she just walks away to the other side.
The rabbi thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this cow from Alberta?"
The people were dumbfounded. They had never mentioned where they had gotten the cow. "You are truly a wise rabbi. How did you know we got the cow from Alberta? "The rabbi answered sadly, "My wife is from Alberta."

FOR LEXOPHILES (THE LOVERS OF WORDS)

1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

2. A will is a dead giveaway.

3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

7. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

13. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

14. Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

15. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

16. A calendar's days are numbered.

17. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

21. The short fortune teller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.

22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

23. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

28. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

29. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

The horse who liked to sit

A farmer's horse dies and he heads into town to buy a replacement. He heads to the local horse dealer to see what's available. He looks at several fine horses but they are all way beyond what he can afford. He explains his predicament to the dealer who tells him, "Come around back, I think I may have something for you"
He shows him a horse that while not as impressive as those out front, seems to be healthy and strong. And the price is less than half the others. "Before I can sell you this horse," explains the dealer, "There's something I have to tell you"
"I knew there had to be a catch" said the farmer, "What is it?"
"Well, this horse likes to sit on banana peels." said the dealer. "If he sees a banana peel anywhere, he'll sit on it and you won't be able to budge him for half an hour"
The farmer thinks this over for a while and decides that it's pretty unlikely he'll come across too many banana skins, so he agrees to buy the horse. He saddles it up and heads for home. A few miles down the trail the farmer is feeling pretty good about the whole deal, the horse is sure footed and responds well to the reins. He figures he's got a good bargain.
Suddenly, up ahead, he spies something yellow on the ground. As they get closer he realizes that it's a banana peel. The trail is too narrow to go around the banana peel so he decides to cross to the trail on the other side of the river. He steers the horse into the river and they start to cross.
Halfway across the river the horse suddenly sits down and the farmer is thrown into the water cracking his head on a rock. Nothing the farmer can do will get the horse on it's feet again. Soaking wet, bleeding and shivering with cold, the farmer wades
to the other bank. Half an hour later the horse gets back on its feet and walks to
shore. The farmer rides it back to the farm without incident.
The next time the farmer is in town, the dealer sees him and asks how he's making out with his new horse. "Terrible!" says the farmer. He points to the gash on his head
and tells him the story of what happened in the river.
The dealer smacks his hand to his forehead and says...
"Oh! I forgot to tell you! He sits on fish too"

ONE LINERS FOR PILOTS

Here are some great lines emailed by a truly humorous Air-Force pilot and a friend. Some of these have been around before but there are some new ones. Pilots/ex-pilots will particularly find these humorous (and serious depending on one's experience).

----> You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3. (Paul F. Crickmore -test pilot)

----> The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

----> Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky. (From an old carrier sailor)

----> If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.

----> When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.

----> Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying club.

----> What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; if ATC screws up the pilot dies.

----> Never trade luck for skill. The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" and "Oh Shit!"

----> Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.

----> I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous.

----> Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!

----> Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries!

----> Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.

----> When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.

----> Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day.

----> Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slow and gently as possible.

----> The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you. (Attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot)

----> A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum. (Jon McBride, astronaut)

----> If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible. (Bob Hoover - renowned aerobatic and test pilot)

----> If an airplane is still in one piece, don't cheat on it; ride the bastard down. (Ernest K. Gann, author & aviator)

----> Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.

----> There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime. (Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970).

----> The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and, a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life where you get to experience all three at the same time. (Author unknown)

----> If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.

Basic Flying Rules:

- Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it.

- The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.

- You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.

The Story of Mother's Day

The earliest Mother's Day celebrations can be traced back to the spring celebrations of ancient Greece in honor of Rhea, the Mother of the Gods. During the 1600's, England celebrated a day called "Mothering Sunday". Celebrated on the 4th Sunday of Lent (the 40 day period leading up to Easter*), "Mothering Sunday" honored the mothers of England.

During this time many of the England's poor worked as servants for the wealthy. As most jobs were located far from their homes, the servants would live at the houses of their employers. On Mothering Sunday the servants would have the day off and were encouraged to return home and spend the day with their mothers. A special cake, called the mothering cake, was often brought along to provide a festive touch.

As Christianity spread throughout Europe the celebration changed to honor the "Mother Church" - the spiritual power that gave them life and protected them from harm. Over time the church festival blended with the Mothering Sunday celebration . People began honoring their mothers as well as the church.

In the United States Mother's Day was first suggested in 1872 by Julia Ward Howe (who wrote the words to the Battle hymn of the Republic) as a day dedicated to peace. Ms. Howe would hold organized Mother's Day meetings in Boston, Mass ever year.

In 1907 Ana Jarvis, from Philadelphia, began a campaign to establish a national Mother's Day. Ms. Jarvis persuaded her mother's church in Grafton, West Virginia to celebrate Mother's Day on the second anniversary of her mother's death, the 2nd Sunday of May. By the next year Mother's Day was also celebrated in Philadelphia.

Ms. Jarvis and her supporters began to write to ministers, businessman, and politicians in their quest to establish a national Mother's Day. It was successful as by 1911 Mother's Day was celebrated in almost every state. President Woodrow Wilson, in 1914, made the official announcement proclaiming Mother's Day as a national holiday that was to be held each year on the 2nd Sunday of May.

While many countries of the world celebrate their own Mother's Day at different times throughout the year, there are some countries such as Denmark, Finland, Italy, Greece, Turkey, Australia, and Belgium which also celebrate Mother's Day on the second Sunday of May.

No Sleep

An exhausted looking blonde dragged himself in to the doctor’s office.
"Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all
night, and I can't get a wink of sleep."

"I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer
full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work
like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over."

"Great," the blonde answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot."

A few weeks later the blonde returned, looking worse than ever. "Doc, your
plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!"

"I don't understand how that could be", said the doctor, shaking his head.
"Those are the strongest pills on the market!"

"That may be true," answered the blonde wearily, "but I'm still up all
night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it's hard getting him
to swallow the pill!"

Identifying Cars

Jim was annoyed when his blonde wife told him that a car had backed into
her, damaging a fender, and that she hadn't gotten the license number.

"What kind of car was he driving?" he asked.

"I don't know," she said. "I never can tell one car from another."

At that, Jim decided the time had come for a learning course, and for the
next few days, whenever they were driving, he made her name each car they
passed until he was satisfied that she could recognize every make.

It worked. About a week later she bounded in with a pleased expression on
her face. "Darling," she said. "I hit a Buick!"

PARENTHOOD - The trials

If it was going to be easy, it never would have started with something
called labour!

Shouting to make your children obey is like using the horn to steer your
car, and you get about the same results.

The smartest advice on raising children is to enjoy them while they are
still on your side.

Avenge yourself ~~~ live long enough to be a problem to your children.

The best way to keep kids at home is to give it a loving atmosphere ~~
and hide the keys to the car.

Parents: People who bare infants, bore teenagers, and board newlyweds.

The joy of motherhood: What a woman experiences when all the children
are finally in bed.

Life's golden age is when the kids are too old to need babysitters and
too young to borrow the family car.

Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so he
can tell when he's really in trouble.

Grandparents are similar to a piece of string ~ handy to have around and
easily wrapped around the fingers of grandchildren.

There are three ways to get something done: Do it yourself, hire someone
to do it, or forbid your children to do it.

Adolescence is the age when children try to bring up their parents.

Cleaning your house while your kids are at home is like trying to shovel
the driveway during a snowstorm.

Oh, to be only half as wonderful as my child thought I was when he was
small, and half as stupid as my teenager now thinks I am.

There are only two things a child will share willingly: communicable
diseases and his mother's age.

Adolescence is the age at which children stop asking questions because
they know all the answers.

An alarm clock is a device for awakening people who don't have small
children.

Treating a fire extinguisher like a grenade

When the employees of a restaurant attended a fire safety seminar,
they watched a fire official demonstrate the proper way to operate an
extinguisher.

"Pull the pin like a hand grenade," he explained, "then press the
trigger to release the foam."

Later an employee was selected to extinguish a controlled fire in the
parking lot. In her nervousness, she forgot to pull the pin.

The instructor hinted, "Like a hand grenade, remember?"

In a burst of confidence she pulled the pin ... and hurled the
extinguisher at the blaze.

How Was That Again?

When my twin daughters were young, I taught them to say this prayer before going to bed. As I listened outside their door, I could hear them say, "Give us this steak and daily bread, and forgive us our mattresses." My husband and I always had a good laugh over this. That was over 50 years ago, and the memory still remains in my heart.
-- Groton, Mass.

My mother spent her early childhood saying, "Hail Mary, full of grapes."
-- Missoula , Mont.

My son, who is in nursery school, said, "Our Father, who art in Heaven, how didja know my name?"
-- Uniontown , Ohio

I remember thinking this prayer was "Give us this day our jelly bread."
-- Covina , Calif.

I recall reading something years ago about the Pledge of Allegiance. Some child thought it began, "I led the pigeons to the flag."
-- Cleveland, Ohio

When I was little, I often wondered who Richard Stands was. You know: "I pledge allegiance to the flag . . . And to the republic for Richard Stands."
-- Tampa , Fla.

When my husband was 6 years old, he thought a certain Prayer was "He suffered under a bunch of violets." The real words were "under Pontius Pilate," but at that age, he didn't know better. To this day, we still snicker in church whenever that prayer is read.
-- Oak Harbor , Wash.

When my older brother was very young, he always walked up to the church altar with my mother when she took communion. On one occasion, he tugged at her arm and asked, "What does the priest say when he gives you the bread?" Mom whispered something in his ear. Imagine his shock many years later when he learned that the priest doesn't say, "Be quiet until you get to your seat."
-- Grand Junction , Colo.

When I was younger, I believed the line was "Lead a snot into temptation." I thought I was praying for my little sister to get into trouble.

NICK THE DRAGON SLAYER

Far, far away lived a beautiful Queen with voluptuous breasts, but Nick the Dragon slayer knew the penalty for this desire would be death should he try and touch them.

One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio, the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor. Horatio the Physician exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it.

Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed.

Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

The King quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer. Horatio the Physician then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder, which he quickly put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts.

The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and touted as a hero. Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins.

With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the King, with a laugh just told him to get lost.

The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer...

The moral of the story ~ Pay Your Bills!

The furtive priest

The parish priest very furtively calls the mother superior into his office.

This is how their conversation went:

"Sister, I want to show you something."

"What is it, Father?

"Come into my private room & close the blinds."

"WHAT?!"

"I said....."

"I heard what you said - I just can't believe you're saying it!"

"Well, I really need you to come in."

Curious, the nun does as she is told.

"Here, sit on the bed beside me."

"I have to get out of here."

"Aren't you the least bit curious?"

Well, the nun was so she sat down beside him.

"Get under the covers."

"WHAT?????!!!!!"

The nun was really freaking out.

"It doesn't work otherwise!"

After much coaxing, the nun does get under the covers with him.

He whispers: "Come closer."

Nervously, she does get closer.

"See," the priest whispers gleefully, "my new watch does glow in the dark!!!!"

Finding the right road

A friend was thinking about buying a new house in the country and
asked me to come out and look at it.

We found the town, but we couldn't locate the road.

We drove over to city hall, where a community get-together was going
on, and asked around, but no one had heard of the road.

Even the policemen and fire personnel were stumped.

We went to city hall and consulted a map, with no luck, until finally
one young man came to our aid.

He pointed to the map, showing us exactly how to get there.

I thanked the young man and asked if he was with the police or fire
department.

"Neither," he replied. "I deliver pizzas."

Different country rugby teams

Seeing how the All Blacks were motivated by performing The Haka before their World Cup games, the other nations were asked to suggest pre-match rituals of their own....

The England team will chat about the weather, wave hankies in the air and attach bells to their ankles for a while before moaning about how they invented the game,and gave it to the world, and how it's not fair that everyone can beat them now.

The Scotland team will realise they only have fourteen players and recruit a Jamaican living in East Anglia who has never been north of Doncaster.

The Ireland team will spilt into two, with the Southern half performing a Riverdance, while the Northerners march the Traditional route from their dressing room to the pitch, via their opponents dressing room.

Unfortunately the Welsh suggestion has been vetoed by the RSPCA.

Argentina will unexpectedly invade a small part of opposition territory, claim it as their own Las In-Goals-Areas, and then be forceably removed by the Stewards.

Two members of the South African team will claim to be more important than the other thirteen, whom they will coral between the posts whilst they claim the rest of the pitch for themselves.

The Americans will not be there until half time. In future years they will alter the records to show that they were in fact the most important team in the tournament and Hollywood will make a film called Saving No 8 Lyle.

Five of the Canadian team will sing La Marsaillaise and hold the rest of the side to ransom.

The Italian team will arrive in red sports cars, sexually harass the female stewards and then run away.

The Spanish will sneak into the other half of the pitch, mow it, and then claim that it was all in line with the European grass quotas. They will then curl up under the posts and have a kip until half time.

The Japanese will attempt to strengthen their team by offering good salaries to the key opposition players (over 35) and then run around the pitch at high speed in a highly efficient manner before buying the ground (with a subsidy from the UK Government).

The French will declare they have new scientific evidence that the opposition are in fact all mad. They will then park lorries across the halfway line, let sheep loose in the opposition half and burn the officials.

The Australians will have a barbie before negotiating lucrative singing and TV contracts in the UK. They will then invite their mates to come and live with them in Shepherds Bush before beating up all the women on the touchline.

Kiss defined

Prof. of Computer Science: A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte.
Prof. of Algebra: A kiss is two divided by nothing.
Prof. of Geometry: A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines.
Prof. of Physics: A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.
Prof. of Chemistry: A kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.
Prof. of Zoology: A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria.
Prof. of Physiology: A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicular ors muscles in the state of contraction.
Prof.. of Dentistry: A kiss is infectious and antiseptic.
Prof. of Accountancy: A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.
Prof. of Economics: A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply.
Prof. of Statistics: A kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 36-24-36.
Prof. of Philosophy: A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.
Prof. of English: A kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it is more common than proper; it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all..
Prof. of Engineering: Uh, What? I'm not familiar with that term.

Inexpensive detergent

Ready to trade your over-priced and chemical-laden dishwasher detergent for something better? Then, try this simple recipe for homemade detergent:

What You Need:
1 Tablespoon Borax
1 Tablespoon baking soda

What You Do:
Mix the Borax and baking soda together. Then, add to your dishwasher's detergent compartment, and run as usual.

Why This Works:
Borax and baking soda are both natural disinfectants and mild abrasives – just what you need to blast away stuck on food and germs. In fact, you may be interested to learn that Borax is a common ingredient in many commercial detergents.

Benefits of Making Your Own Dishwasher Detergent:
inexpensive
no harsh chemicals
does not emit chlorine gas like other commercial detergents
effective sanitizer
effective stain remover
effective water softener
environmentally-friendly (phosphate-free)

Tips and Warnings:
1) Borax sells under the name 20 Mule Team, and can be found on the laundry aisle.
2) Save time by making up big batches of dishwasher detergent, consisting of equal parts Borax and baking soda.
3) Keep prepared detergent out of the reach of children and pets.

HUNTING DOG

This man wanted to buy a hunting dog. He heard of this guy who had a dog for sale, so he went to check it out. They get the dog out to the woods and the owner snaps his fingers and says "GO!"

The dog takes off, comes back a few minutes later, and barks once. The man asked the owner "What does that mean?"

The owner says "Well, he barked once, that means he saw one rabbit."

The guy says "OK, let's see it again."

The owner snaps his fingers and says "GO!" The dog takes off, comes back a few minutes later, and barks twice.

The guy asks "OK, what does that mean?"

The owner says "Well, he barked twice, that means he saw two rabbits."

The guy says "OK, one more time and he's sold." The owner snaps his fingers, the dog takes off, comes back carrying a stick and starts to hump his owners leg.

The guy says "WHAT! does that mean?

The owner says "Well, that means he just saw more fuckin' rabbits than you can shake a stick at!"

What are men like ?

Ain't it the truth!

1. Men are like ..Laxatives..... They irritate the crap out of you.

2. Men are like.Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like Weather. Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like .BlendersYou need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like .Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like ..Commercials....... You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like Department Stores . Their clothes are always 1/2 off!

8. Men are like ......Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like .....Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like Popcorn..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like Snowstorms.... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like .Lava Lamps ... Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped

How to cut a fruit properly

Step 1. Cut both ends off the watermelon.

Step 2. Now make cuts lengthwise about 3-4" deep and 4" apart.

Step 3. Now hit the melon along one cut strip to break along seed line. The rind will be about 4-5 mm lower then the other strips. Break off the strip'

Step 4. If all was done right, your strip should have broke on the seed line. Take a spoon and scrape the seeds off. Don't worry about removing some of the melon around the seeds because it is usually overripe and mushy anyways. Some people think this wasteful but it is an undesirable part of the melon.

Step 5.Once seeds are removed cut up the remainder of the strip into pieces to serve. Repeat the process for each remaining strip. As you continue you will notice that the center of the melon is remaining. Clean the seeds off it and cut it up. This center section is the prime part so put it in a separate bowl and save it for yourself.

Increasing confessions

The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, "It was a good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theatre seats. It worked. The front of the church fills first." The young priest nodded and the old one continued, "And you told me a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to church, so I
supported you when you brought in that rock 'n roll gospel choir. We are packed to the balcony."

"Thank you, Father," answered the young priest. "I am pleased you are open to the new ideas of youth." "Well", said the elderly priest, "I'm afraid you've gone too far with the drive-thru Confessional.

"But Father," protested the young priest. "My confessions have nearly doubled since I began that! I know, my son," replied the old man. "But that flashing neon sign, "Toot 'n Tell or Go to Hell", can't stay on the church roof!

Myths about Firefox

This article (link) contains details about various myths about Firefox and clearing of these misconceptions:

# Features

1. Firefox is fully standards compliant
2. Firefox often displays webpages incorrectly
3. Microsoft sets the standards (or should)
4. Firefox was the first browser with tabs
5. New versions of Firefox break extensions and themes

# Security

1. Firefox is completely secure
2. Secunia lists an extremely critical Firefox vulnerability
3. Firefox had more known vulnerabilities than IE at some point
4. Two speakers at the ToorCon 2006 hacker conference found serious Firefox vulnerabilities

# Performance

1. Firefox is faster than Internet Explorer
2. Firefox 1.5 leaks more memory than previous versions

# Miscellaneous

1. Firefox is a relatively young browser
2. Firefox achieved 10% market share in its first year
3. Firefox 2.0 won't support Windows 9x and ME

Myths about Opera

This site (link) contains information about some myths regarding Opera. Read for more details.

Myths:

# Features

1. Opera is fully standards compliant
2. Opera often displays webpages incorrectly
3. Microsoft sets the standards (or should)
4. Opera was the first browser with tabs

# Security

1. Opera is completely secure

# Performance

1. Opera is the fastest web browser

# Miscellaneous

1. Opera's market share is underreported because it identifies as Internet Explorer
2. Opera was written in assembly language

BgInfo v4.12 - Write system information to desktop

How many times have you walked up to a system in your office and needed to click through several diagnostic windows to remind yourself of important aspects of its configuration, such as its name, IP address, or operating system version If you manage multiple computers you probably need BGInfo. It automatically displays relevant information about a Windows computer on the desktop's background, such as the computer name, IP address, service pack version, and more. You can edit any field as well as the font and background colors, and can place it in your startup folder so that it runs every boot, or even configure it to display as the background for the logon screen.

Because BGInfo simply writes a new desktop bitmap and exits you don't have to worry about it consuming system resources or interfering with other applications.

BGInfo works on 95 and higher, and Windows NT 4.0 and higher.

Read more and download from this site (link).

Article on 'Emergency Room Medicine for Cancer Treatment'

From the website:

Inside the emergency room and intensive care wards, where many believe some of the most accurate medicine is practiced, are common but extraordinarily safe and effective substances that save lives everyday. Interesting no one has thought to harness these medical super weapons against chronic disease or cancer.
What we have done to establish the nuclear core of our work is to go into the emergency room and take their best and safest medicines and apply their life saving qualities to cancer and other chronic diseases. The same medicine that can save a life on demand instantly in an emergency situation, like cardiac arrest, can use to battle the diseases that have been baffling the entire western alopathic establishment for decades.
What will come as a surprise to most allopathic physicians is that the healing agents we have selected are not pharmaceutical medicines but highly concentrated nutritional substances. We are talking specifically about magnesium chloride, iodine and sodium bicarbonate. These basic emergency room substances, along with ALA (Alpha Lipoic Acid) make up our core protocol which together, along with other minerals and vitamins like selenium, zinc and vitamin C, can beat back the ravaging power of cancer and even diabetes.

Article on Magnesium and Cancer

From the website:

There is a power and a force in magnesium that cannot be equaled anywhere else in the world of medicine. There is no substitute for magnesium in human physiology; nothing comes even close to it in terms of its effect on overall cell physiology. Without sufficient magnesium, the body accumulates toxins and acid residues, degenerates rapidly, and ages prematurely. It goes against a gale wind of medical science to ignore magnesium chloride used transdermally in the treatment of any chronic or acute disorder, especially cancer.
Magnesium chloride is the first and most important item in any person’s cancer treatment strategy. Put in the clearest terms possible, our suggestion from the first day on the Survival Medicine Cancer Protocol is to almost drown oneself in transdermally applied magnesium chloride. It should be the first not the last thing we think of when it comes to cancer. It takes about three to four months to drive up cellular magnesium levels to where they should be when treated intensely transdermally but within days patients will commonly experience its life saving medical/healing effects. For many people whose bodies are starving for magnesium the experience is not too much different than for a person coming out of a desert desperate for water. It is that basic to life, that important, that necessary.

Memory Configurator System Tool

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Available at this site (link).

Glary Utilities - Optimize Windows

Optimize, clean and boost the speed of your Windows.
Protect your privacy and security.
Block spyware, trojans, adware, etc.
Fix certain application errors.
Simple, fast and User friendly interface
It allows you to clean common system junk files, as well as invalid registry entries and Internet traces. You can manage and delete browser add-ons, analyze disk space usage and find duplicate files. You can also view and manage installed shell extensions, encrypt your files from unauthorized access and use, split large files into smaller manageable files and then rejoin them. Furthermore, Glary Utilities includes the options to optimize memory, find, fix, or remove broken Windows shortcuts, manage the programs that start at Windows startup and uninstall software. Other features include secure file deletion, an Empty Folder finder and more.

Read more and download from this site.

Cheap Air Ticket Deals

From the website (link). Use this website to try and make your travel a bit cheaper.

Air bound travel has increased to the reason that it is the quickest traveling experience and air travel has made the world shrunk in terms of distances. It has become very easy to start from one corner of the world and go the other part of the world within 24 – 48 hours time. It has become a matter of hours only. It might be a bit costly to avail of this facility but within the reach of the consumer if one plans properly.

The best deals on air tickets can be got when the travel plan is made on certain days of the week for example if it is planned on a Tuesday, Thursday or Friday night till Sunday morning, as the traffic is less and the air lines are forced to fill the seats to get the maximum amount. This is the case for almost all the flights. And also traveling in the wee hours also might get a deal say it you take a late-night flight departure.

Articles about frugal living

This site has a number of articles about frugal living.

Some of the articles are based on the following topics:

Avoid secondhand-buyer’s remorse
Wacky holidays beat the summer heat
Meatless Mondays can save your budget
Save space without spending a fortune
Reuse detergent containers to keep water at the ready

Free coupons - http://couponloop.com/

Coupons for:
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Taylortown Coupon Preview

Get them at this website.

WINDOWS IN A BOX

Ever get tired of searching for a setting inside the control panel?Inside Windows Xp are hundreds of settings that require endless clicking through the Operating System that can get really frustrating.Windows in a box was designed to eliminate all that.Sits on your desktop,easy to navigate,and puts an end to all the frustration of endless searching for settings.Spyware, Adware, and Malware free.

# Nothing to install,Runs from the Desktop.
# Uses very little Memory.
# Access almost all the functions and settings of Windows Xp

Download from this site.

How to view and manage event logs in Event Viewer in Windows XP

In Windows XP, an event is any significant occurrence in the system or in a program that requires users to be notified, or an entry added to a log. The Event Log Service records application, security, and system events in Event Viewer. With the event logs in Event Viewer, you can obtain information about your hardware, software, and system components, and monitor security events on a local or remote computer. Event logs can help you identify and diagnose the source of current system problems, or help you predict potential system problems.

How to View Event Logs
To open Event Viewer, follow these steps:
1. Click Start, and then click Control Panel. Click Performance and Maintenance, then click Administrative Tools, and then double-click Computer Management. Or, open the MMC containing the Event Viewer snap-in.
2. In the console tree, click Event Viewer.

The Application, Security, and System logs are displayed in the Event Viewer window.

Read more at this site.

Auslogics Disk Defrag

Disk fragmentation leads to system slowdowns, PC crashes, slow startups and shutdowns. Auslogics Disk Defrag is designed for fast optimization of modern hard disks. Disk Defrag is absolutely FREE.

Hard disks are by far the slowest component in your computer. CPU and memory work much faster than hard disks because they do not have moving parts. Therefore fragmented disks often become a bottleneck of the system performance.
Besides causing slowdowns, fragmentation makes the disk drive heads move too much when reading files which leads to freeze-ups and system crashes. It is important to keep your disks defragmented and optimized as much as possible.
Auslogics Disk Defrag was designed to remedy system sluggishness and crashes caused by disk fragmentation. It is optimized to work with today's modern hard disks. Auslogics Disk Defrag is extremely simple to use, does not require any analysis phase and is faster than most of the other disk defragmentation software. It will help you get the maximum performance out of your expensive hardware investments. And, what’s most important, it's absolutely free.

Download from this location.

IObit SmartDefrag - Free Defragmentor

IObit products will effectively keep your PC safe, error-free, and running at top speed! After all, aren't these the things that you care about the most?
IObit is a free defragmentor; in case you are challenged technically, a defragmentor helps you to optimize your system by moving files together. If a system has been in use for a long time, a file may be spread over different parts of the hard disk and this can make the system slower, so the use of a defragmentor is recommended.

Download from this site.

How to Clean and Maintain a Dishwasher

Here is a site that provides details on this absolutely horrible task; when was the last time you looked upto the prospect of cleaning your dishwasher. More details at this website.

# Use your dishwasher regularly. It will help to prevent food and other debris from building up in there, reducing the need to clean it.
# Run the dishwasher or wait until just after you've run it, then empty the dishwasher completely. Do the other steps with the dishwasher empty.

More steps available at the site (link).

Mint - Handling your personal finances

Mint is a website that claims to be able to handle your personal finances, however you have to be able to trust your person finance information with an external site (even if it does have a write up from Forbes). Read more from this article:

Aaron Patzer will track your finances and suggest ways to save money--all at no charge. But first you have to get comfortable letting strangers ogle your accounts. Mint is, in fact, a gold mine for those looking to take the tedium out of budgeting. Users need only key in log-ins for financial institutions--of which the average American uses 11. From there, Mint deciphers the vendors used from the jumbled code on credit card statements. Then it assembles colorful pie charts so users can see cash balances and debts and spot if they're over budget on their pub tab. It's a dramatic streamlining compared with Quicken, the budgeting software giant, which offers the peace of mind of having data reside on the user's computer but can require lots of cross-checking against paper statements and receipts.
Mint e-mails users when bank balances get low, bills are due and suspicious card charges appear. It analyzes spending habits and lists financial-service options, as Orbitz does with flights. Patzer boasts that Mint's recommendations save the average user $1,000 the first year. That may sound highball until you consider that banks pulled in $39 billion from often poorly disclosed "account maintenance" and other fees in 2007.

Can You Hear Me Now?

A man feared his wife was not hearing as well as she used to, and he thought
she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called
the family doctor to discuss the problem. The doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. 'Here's what you do,' said the doctor. 'Stand about 40 feet away from her and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.'
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away. Let's see what happens.' In a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?' No response.
So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife, and
repeats, 'Honey, what's for dinner?' Still no response. Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, 'Honey, What's for dinner?'
Again, no response. So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, What's for dinner?' Again, there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her. 'Honey, what's for dinner?'
'Earl, for the 5th time, CHICKEN!'

Weird laws in Idaho

. Boise: Residents may not fish from a giraffe's back.
. Coeur d' Alene: If a police officer approaches a vehicle and suspects that the occupants are engaging in sex, he must either honk, or flash his lights and wait for three minutes before approaching the car.
. Idaho Falls, Idaho: If you're 88 years of age or older, it's illegal for you to ride your motorcycle.
. Idaho state law makes it illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.
. Idaho and other states allow members of the Native American church to use the hallucinogenic plant peyote in religious services.
. Illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.
. In Idaho walking along the street with a red-tipped cane is strictly prohibited.
. In Idaho, a citizen is forbidden by law to give another citizen a box of candy that weighs more than 50 pounds.
. It's illegal to hunt from the back of an animal.
. Non-married couples in Idaho who engage in sexual intercourse can be jailed for up to six months
. Pocatello: A law passed in 1912 provided that "The carrying of concealed weapons is forbidden, unless some are exhibited to public view"; A person may not be seen in public without a smile on their face.
. Riding a merry-go-round on Sundays is considered a crime.
. The town of Idaho Falls, Idaho, forbids anyone over the age of eighty-eight to ride a motorcycle.
. You may not fish on a camel's back.

Weird laws in Georgia

. Acworth: All citizens must own a rake.
. An old law in Columbus, Ga., made it illegal to sit on your porch in an indecent position.
. A Kennesaw, Ga. law makes it illegal for every homeowner not to own a gun, unless you are a convicted felon, conscientious objector or disabled.
. Against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.
. Atlanta: Against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp;
. One man may not be on another man's back.
. Columbus: Can't cut off a chicken's head on Sunday; It is illegal to carry a chicken by it's feet down Broadway on Sunday.
. Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs.
. Gainesville: Chicken must be eaten with the hands.
. Georgia has 75 laws on how to build rice paddies, even though the state has only one rice farm left. Rice was the state's No. 1 crop before the Civil War. But right after the war, a hurricane destroyed all the paddies and ponds. It was too expensive to replace them without slaves, so the Rice State began growing peaches, peanuts and other crops.
. Georgia officials were revising their state laws in 1981, and noticed they still allowed pensions for Confederate widows. That week the last widow died. Lawmakers bowed their heads, and deleted the law.
. In Atlanta, Georgia, it is illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.
. In Columbus, Georgia it is illegal to sit on one's porch in an indecent position.
. In Georgia, movie houses that want to show films on Sunday must reserve one showing a month for religious material.
. In Quitman, It is illegal for a chicken to cross the road.
. It is illegal to change the clothes on a storefront mannequin unless the shades are down.
. It is illegal to take a bath of orange peel.
. It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office.
. It used to be against the law in Jonesboro, Ga., to utter the words, "Oh boy."
. Kennesaw: Every head of household must possess a firearm of some kind.
. Marietta: Though it is illegal to spit from a car or bus, citizens may spit from a truck.
. Members of the state assembly cannot be ticketed for speeding while the state assembly is in session.
. No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if it is Sunday.
. One man may not be on another man's back.
. Signs are required to be written in English.
. St. Mary's: No spitting on the sidewalk is permitted after dark.
. Though it is illegal to spit from a car or bus, citizens may spit from a truck.
. You have the right to commit simple battery if provoked by "fighting" words.

Weird laws in Iowa

. A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public.
. An owner or employee of an establishment in Iowa that sells alcohol can't legally consume a drink there after closing for business.
. Don't plan on running a "tab" in Iowa; it's illegal.
. Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants in Marshalltown, Iowa.
. If a law enforcement officer is having a drink in a bar in Iowa and an employee pours water down the drain, the water is legally considered an alcohol beverage intended for unlawful purposes.
. In Dubuque any hotel in the city limits must have a water bucket and a hitching post in front of the building.
. In Fort Madison the fire department is required to practice fire fighting for fifteen minutes before attending a fire.
. In Marshalltown horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants.
. In Ottumwa, Iowa, "It is unlawful for any male person, within the corporate limits of the (city), to wink at any female person with whom he is unaquainted."
. Indianola: The "Ice Cream Man" and his truck are banned.
. It is a violation of the law to sell or distribute drugs or narcotics without having first obtained the appropriate Iowa drug tax stamp.
. It is illegal to hunt from an aircraft.
. It is illegal to accept a gratuity or tip in Iowa.
. It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren't allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate.
. Kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five minutes.
. One-armed piano players must perform for free.
. Riverboat gamblers in Iowa have a $5 maximum bet.
. The Iowa Legislature once passed a resolution ordering the state cafeteria to start serving cornbread.
. Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you -- or holding you in his arms.
. You may shoot Native Americans if there are more than five of them on your property at any one time (ouch)

After Marriage

1. Women are unpredictable. Before marriage, she expects a man, after marriage she suspects him, and after death she respects him.

2.There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go thru hell for her. They got married - and now he is going thru hell.

3.A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds : " Wife wanted". Next day, he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing "You can have mine."

4. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

5. It's easy to tell if a man is married or not. Just watch him drive a car with a woman sitting beside him. If both his hands are on the wheel, you can be sure he is married.

6. A man received a letter from some kidnappers. The letter said, "If you don't promise to send us $100,000, we promise you we will kidnap your wife." The poor man wrote back, " I am afraid I can't keep my promise but I hope you will keep yours."

7. "What's the matter, you look depressed." "I'm having trouble with my wife." "What happened?" "She said she wasn't going to speak to me for 30 days." But that ought to make you happy." "It did, but today is the last day."

8."Darling," whispered a frail little husband from his chair. " I'm very sick, would you please call me a vet?". "A vet? Why do you want a vet and not a medical doctor?" The husband replied. Because I work like a horse,live like a dog, and have to sleep with a silly cow."

Fatal Things to Say to Your Pregnant Wife

"Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs forty pounds."

"Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Anderson had a baby!"

"Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl."

"Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt."

"Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"

"I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of child-birth?"

"Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"

"Get your *own* ice cream, Buddha!"

"Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"

"Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water."

If Men Got Pregnant...

* Maternity leave would last for two years...with full pay.

* There'd be a cure for stretch marks.

* Natural childbirth would become obsolete.

* Morning sickness would rank as the nation's number one health problem.

* All methods of birth control would be improved 100 percent effectiveness.

* Children would be kept in the hospital until they were toilet trained.

* Men would be eager to talk about commitment.

* They wouldn't think twins were quite so cute.

* Fathers would demand that their sons be home from dates by 10:00pm.

* Men could use THEIR briefcases as diaper bags.

* They'd have to stop saying, "I'm afraid I'll drop him."

* Paternity suits would be a line of clothes.

* They'd stay in bed for the entire nine months.

* Menus at most restaurants would list ice cream and pickles as an entree.

Good stroke

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his coworkers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever about golf. The pro showed him the stance and the swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green."
The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole. "Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro.
"Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup," the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again.
"Oh, great! Now you tell me," said the beginner in a disgusted tone.

BRAIN DAMAGING HABITS

1. No Breakfast
People who do not take breakfast are going to have a lower blood sugar level.
This leads to an insufficient supply of nutrients to the brain causing brain degeneration.

2. Overeating
It causes hardening of the brain arteries, leading to a decrease in mental power.

3. Smoking
It causes multiple brain shrinkage and may lead to Alzheimer disease.

4. High Sugar consumption
Too much sugar will interrupt the absorption of proteins and nutrients causing
malnutrition and may interfere with brain development.

5. Air Pollution
The brain is the largest oxygen consumer in our body. Inhaling polluted air
decreases the supply of oxygen to the brain, bringing about a decrease in brain
efficiency.

6. Sleep Deprivation
Sleep allows our brain to rest.. Long term deprivation from sleep will accelerate the
death of brain cells.

7. Head covered while sleeping
Sleeping with the head covered, increases the concentration of carbon dioxide and
decrease concentration of oxygen that may lead to brain damaging effects.

8. Working your brain during illness
Working hard or studying with sickness may lead to a decrease in effectiveness of
the brain as well as damage the brain.

9. Lacking in stimulating thoughts
Thinking is the best way to train our brain, lacking in brain stimulation thoughts may cause brain shrinkage.

10. Talking Rarely
Intellectual conversations will promote the efficiency of the brain.

Gems of ENGLISH

If you ever feel stupid, then just read on. If you've learned to speak fluent English, you must be a genius! This little treatise on the lovely language we share is only for the brave. Peruse at your leisure, English lovers.

Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail

18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

22) There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

23) English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France (Surprise!).

24) Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

25) Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

26) And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers
don't ham?

27) If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth be eth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?

28) Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.

29) If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?

30) If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

31) If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

32) In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

33) How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

34) You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

35) English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

36) P.S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

Sermon helped find hat

A man once spent days looking for his new hat. Finally, he decided that he'd go to church on Sunday and sit at the back. During the service he would sneak out and grab a hat from the rack at the front door.
On Sunday, he went to church and sat at the back. The sermon was about the 10 commandments. He sat through the whole sermon and instead of sneaking out he waited
until the sermon was over and went to talk to the minister. "Father, I came here today to steal a hat to replace the one I lost.
But after hearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I changed my mind." The minister said, "Bless you my son. Was it when I started to preach 'Thou shall not steal,' that changed your heart?"
The man responded, "No, it was the one on adultery. When you started to preach on that, I remembered where I left my hat."

Why did you stop stirring ?

The US finally sent the first manned space mission to Mars. The spacecraft gently touched down and the astronaut descended and tested the atmosphere. Low and behold it was safe for people to breathe. He removed his space suit and exited the spacecraft.
He was amazed to find himself in a lush green valley surrounded with beautiful wooded hills. He hiked for some distance and came upon a beautiful little white cottage with a lush green lawn surrounded by a white picket fence like something out of "Better Homes and Gardens." He walked up to the front door and found it open.
He walked inside, looked around and hearing noises from the kitchen he went back there. WOW, to his amazement he saw the most beautiful blonde he had ever seen standing over a large pot on the stove. Inside the pot was a gooey mess that she was stirring with a large spoon. As he watched she kept stirring and stirring.
After a couple hours he finally asked her what she was doing. She replied that she was having a baby. He was quite skeptical but after a couple more hours of stirring
she reached down into the gooey mess and pulled out a beautiful baby girl. He told her that was really amazing but that was not the way it was done on Earth. She replied " How do you do it on Earth ?"
With a twinkle in his eyes he said, "Come on back to the bedroom and I'll show you." After an hour of the wildest sex he had ever experienced he lay back exhausted and
lit up a cigarette. She said " Well where is the baby?"
He said " Oh that takes nine months."
She replied, "Well why did you stop stirring?"

Don't worry

In life, there are only two things to worry about, either you are
well, or you are sick.

If you are well, there is nothing to worry about, but if you are
sick, you have two things to worry about; either you will live, or
you will die.

If you live, there is nothing to worry about, if you die, you have
two things to worry about; either you will go to heaven or to hell.

If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about, but if you go
to hell, you'll be so busy shaking hands with your friends, you won't
have time to worry!

Free To Leave

In Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of it's most reformed patients and questions them. If they get the questions right they are free to leave. This year the two lucky patients were Patty and Mike.

They were called down to the office and left there by the orderly. They were told to wait as the doctor got their files. The doctor came out and motioned for Patty to come in for her questioning.

When Patty came into the office, she was instructed to sit in the seat across from the doctor. "Patty, you know the tradition of this institution, so I imagine you know why you are here. You will be asked two questions, and if you get them right, you will be free to go. Do you understand all that you have been told?" said the doctor with a rather sly grin. Patty nodded, and the doctor began to question her.

The first question was this: "Patty, if I was to poke out one of your eyes, what would happen?"

"I would be half blind of course," Patty answered without much thought.

"What would happen if I poked out the other eye?"

"I would be completely blind," said Patty knowing that she had just gotten her freedom.

The doctor then sent her outside while he drew up the paperwork and accessed Mike's files.

When Patty got into the waiting room however, she told Mike what the questions would be and what the correct answers were. The doctor calls in Mike and he followed the same procedure that he had with Patty. "Mike, the first question is what would happen if I cut off your ear?"

"I would be blind in one eye," he said remembering what he had been told.

This received a perplexed look from the doctor but he just simply asks the other question so that he could figure out what the man was thinking. "Mike, what would happen if I cut off your other ear?"

"I would be completely blind," he answered with a smile as if he knew he had passed.

But then the doctor asked him what his reasoning was, and he said flatly, "Me hat would fall down over me eyes."

Wrong number girlfriend

After directory assistance gave me my boyfriend's new telephone number, I dialed him and got a woman.

"Is Mike there?" I asked confused.

"Umm, he's in the shower," she responded.

"Would you please tell him his girlfriend called," I said and immediately hung up.

When he didn't return the call, I angrily dialed again. This time a man answered. "This is Mike," he said.

"The heck you are!" I exclaimed. "You're not my boyfriend!"

"Lady, I know that," he replied. "That's what I've been trying to tell my wife for the past half hour."

Accident Investigation

A terrific explosion occurs in a gunpowder factory, and once all the mess has been cleared up, an inquiry begins. One of the few survivors is pulled up to make a statement. "Okay Simpson," says the investigator, "you were near the scene - what happened?"
"Well, it's like this. Old Charley Higgins was in the mixing room, and I saw him take a cigarette out of his pocket and light up." "He was smoking in the mixing room?" the investigator said in stunned horror. "How long had he been with the company?"
"About 20 years, sir"
"20 years in the company, then he goes and strikes a match in the mixing room? I'd have thought it would have been the last thing he'd have done."
"It was, sir."

Dealing with snoring

Some retired deputy sheriffs went to a retreat in the mountains. To save money, they decided to sleep two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first deputy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you?" He said, "Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."
The next night it was a different deputy's turn. In the morning, same thing--hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!" He said, "Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I watched him all night."
The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football player; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning," he said. They couldn't believe it! They said, "Man, what happened?"
He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed and kissed him good night. He sat up and watched ME all night long."

Fitting everything into a purse

As the bus pulled away, I realized I had left my purse under the seat.
Later, I called the company and was relieved that the driver had found my
bag.

When I went to pick it up, several off-duty bus drivers surrounded me. One
man handed me my pocketbook, two typewritten pages and a box containing the
contents of my purse.

"We're required to inventory lost wallets and purses," he explained. "I
think you'll find everything there."

As I started to put my belongings back into the pocketbook, the man
continued, "I hope you don't mind if we watch. Even though we all tried,
none of us could fit everything into your purse - and we'd like to see just
how you do it."

Old book being worthless

A collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he had just thrown away an old Bible that he found in a dusty, old box. He happened to mention that Guten-somebody-or-other had printed it.
Not Gutenberg?" gasped the collector.
Yes, that was it!"
You idiot! You've thrown away one of the first books ever printed. A copy recently sold at auction for half a million dollars!" Oh, I don't think this book would have been worth anything close to that much," replied the man.
"It was scribbled all over in the margins by some clown named Martin Luther."

Cake Pan Size Conversions

"Trying to fit a square cake into a round pan? Find out how much batter you'll need."

This the motto of this website that tries to help you when you in the kitchen and trying to prepare off a recipe. The recipe calls for a measure, and you are confused - well, read on, and see some of the benefits of the website.

"If you have an unusual pan size and would like to figure out its capacity, measure the amount of water it takes to fill the pan."

Read more at this website.

Old Dodge trying to beat a Ferrari

A man was driving along in his beat up old dodge, when suddenly it broke down.
He was parked on the side of the road trying fix it, when a Jaguar pulled up in front of him and offered to help. After a few minutes the two men obviously weren't going to get the old car going again, so the Jaguar driver offered to tow the Dodge to
the nearest garage.
A few minutes later the two had hitched up the old Dodge to the Jaguar, and they agreed that if the Jaguar driver was going too fast, the man should blow his horn and flash his lights to get him to slow down.
With that the two men got into their cars and the Jaguar driver started to pull away with the Dodge behind it. At the first traffic light, a Ferrari pulled up beside the Jaguar and started to rev his engine provocatively.
As soon as the light turned green the Ferrari and the Jaguar hit their accelerators and took off. Before long the cars were racing at over 120 mph. As the cars speed along, they passed through a police speed trap.
The officer couldn't believe his eyes when he saw the three cars go by, and he decided that he couldn't catch them all by himself, so he decided to radio for help:
"You won't believe what I just saw! I saw a Ferrari and a Jaguar doing 120 mph side by side, and a beat up old Dodge behind them flashing his lights and blowing his horn trying to get by!"

Beer, solution to all problems

I have a new hero. I just read today about a Slovak man who was trapped in his car under an avalanche and freed himself by drinking 60 bottles of beer and urinating on the snow to melt it.
Rescue teams found Richard Kral drunk and staggering along a mountain path four days after his Audi car was buried in the Slovak Tatra mountains. He told them that after the avalanche, he had opened his car window and tried to dig his way out. But as he dug with his hands, he realized the snow would fill his car before he managed to
break through.
He had 60 half-liter bottles of beer in his car as he was going on holiday, and after cracking one open to think about the problem he realized he could urinate on the snow to melt it.
He said: "I was scooping the snow from above me and packing it down below the window, and then I peed on it to melt it. I'm beginning to believe Homer Simpson when he said, "Beer, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems."

Blonde's house gets burglarized

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call over the police radio, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a blind policeman!"

Washing dog

An eight-year-old boy walks into the local grocery store and picked out a large box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over, trying to be friendly, and asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. "Oh, not laundry. I'm going to wash my dog," said the boy.
"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog," the grocer said. "It's very powerful detergent and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it could even kill him." But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it. The grocer continued to try to convince the boy, but it was no use. The young boy's mind was made up.
About a week later, the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer approached the boy and asked him how his dog was doing. "Oh, he died," the boy said sadly. "I'm so sorry, son. I tried to warn you that the detergent could kill your dog," the grocer said.
"Well," the boy replied. "It wasn't the detergent that killed him." The grocer was a bit relieved. "Oh? What was it then?" he asked. "Mom said it was probably the spin cycle."

Don't mess with old man

An old prospector walks his tired old mule into a western town one day. He'd been out in the desert for about six months without a drop of whiskey. He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger walked out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, 'Hey old man, have you ever danced?' The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, 'No, I never did dance. I just never wanted to.'
A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger said, 'Well, you old fool, you're gonna' dance now,' and started shooting at the old man's feet. The old prospector was hopping around and everybody was laughing. When the gunslinger fired his last bullet, he holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.
The old man reached up on the mule, drew his shotgun, and pulled both hammers back making a double clicking sound. The gunslinger heard the sound and everything
got quiet. The crowd watched as the gunslinger slowly turned around looking down both barrels of the shotgun.
The old man asked, 'Did you ever kiss a mule's ass?'
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, 'No. But I've always wanted to.'
The lessons from this story are:
1. Don't waste ammunition.
2. Don't mess with old people.

Advice to give to a daughter about meeting men

1. Don't imagine you can change a man, unless he's in diapers.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

3.. If they put a man on the moon, they should be able to put them all up there.

4. Never let your man's mind wander, it's too little to be out alone.

5. Go for younger men. You might as well, they never mature anyway..

6. Men are all the same, they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

8. Women don't make fools of men, most of them are the do it yourself types.

9. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.

10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.

14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

15. Sadly, all men are created equal.

Debate on wild Salmon - read this article

Here is an interesting article that talks in some depth about the safety of eating the salmon that we traditionally treasure.

Is it OK to eat farmed salmon? If the answer seems elusive, it’s partly because things change—ecosystems change, the fishing and aquaculture industries change (or not), and we learn more about how those industries affect fish populations, ecology and economies. But the answer is slippery mainly because it depends so heavily on what the meaning of the word “OK” is. OK is personal. The most satisfying answer comes from what you might call your own Is-That-Food-OK Algorithm—a weighting of variables that will be as simple or complex as the criteria you bring to it.
The fry spends a year or so in freshwater tanks gradually made salty. Then your fish, some 8 to 10 inches long, is vaccinated against an array of infectious diseases, which are a constant threat in the crowded net pen into which the fish is now placed. The pen—a bowl-shaped net, essentially, with its rim at sea level—is about 30 to 100 meters across. It holds tens of thousands of fish. Instead of roaming the seas and swimming hundreds of miles to spawn, these fish never travel more than a few yards. Here in its pen your salmon fattens up on fish pellets. The pellets contain fish meal, fish oil, perhaps grains, and invariably an additive to pinken the fish’s flesh—usually astaxanthin, a carotenoid derived from commercially grown red yeast or algae. Given bountiful food and little work, your fish grows apace. When it’s a couple of years old and a couple of feet long and weighs 8 or 10 pounds it is netted, killed and packaged, iced and shipped.
Farmed salmon hold about 2 to 10 times the levels of PCBs, DDT, dioxins, pesticides, mercury and other suspected carcinogens that most wild salmon do, apparently because the rich meal they eat contains bits of oily fish in which these contaminants tend to concentrate. Yet the levels of those chemicals are still so low, as Harvard Medical School nutrition specialist George Blackburn, M.D., Ph.D., noted in a recent article in the Journal of the American Medical Association, “that it’s not going to cause harm.”

Old Version of AVG Free Edition

AVG is a great anti-virus tool, and the newest edition is not free. However, older versions are free, and here is the older version "AVG Free Edition 7.5.441", it works on all major Windows versions - Windows 98, 2000, XP, Vista
Download from this website.

CarriesCooking.com

A great site that talks about cooking, and not fancy, but stuff that you can do when you are at home. Try out this site, http://www.carriescooking.com/. Some recipes at this site:
Bruschetta 'n Cheese-Stuffed Chicken Breasts
Herbed Salisbury Mushroom Steaks
Tuna Noodle Casserole
Chicken Quesadillas
Pizza Roll
Baked Chicken Fingers
Sausage Ziti Bake
Turkey Goulash

Prepare Windows XP installation CD with SP3

If you are a person who wipes his machine clean from time to time, and needs to re-install Windows XP, then you know that just installing the Operating System is not enough. You need to install the Service Packs as well, and the latest Service pack available is SP3. Won't it better to have a install that also contains Sp3. Well, here is an article that takes you along this path:

Next time you wipe your PC's hard drive clean and reinstall Windows with that old installation disc, you don't want to connect your fresh, unpatched and vulnerable system to the internet only to download 176 new updates from Microsoft. If your XP installation CD is older than 2004, once your system is online, you'll have to wait for hefty service packs to download, chained to your mouse while pushing the Next button, watching progress bars, and rebooting multiple times. Wouldn't it be better to start your installation, head out to run errands or grab coffee, and come back to an up-to-date system before your system gets online? It's possible, using some free software and a blank disc. After the jump, I'll show you how to create an automated, customized XP installation CD or DVD, that includes Microsoft's official-but-not-released Service Pack 3 for Windows XP.

Try it out, and you will see the following benefits, taken from the website:
* Pre-configure and tweak Windows—Nearly every power-user setting, from hidden file showing to deep registry hacks, can be set from the get-go.
* Pre-install drivers and printers—No more searching through the Nvidia, ATI, or printer manufacturers' sites for the exact package after install.
* Strip your system for speed—Adam's already showed us how nLite can help you trim Windows to its bare essentials, which not only saves disk space and frees up memory, but saves you the time of disabling and removing the superfluous stuff later (and clicking "Yes" on every "Are you sure ..." prompt).

Bad puns

My roof leaks due to a lack of good ceiling.

Money does not talk. It just goes without saying.

The school coach worked with his star pitcher on the learning curve.

A thief who stole cutlery without leaving a clue was called the "stainless stealer."

Did you hear about the wife who had plastic surgery? Her husband cut up her credit cards.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

The building contractor needed the money from a castle remodeling job to buy his new television set. It would be impossible for him to watch TV without a re-moat.

I heard of a Pastor who had a special drawer where he filed his bills. It was labeled "Due unto others."

She couldn't help throwing up at funerals. She was suffering from Mourning Sickness!

Is it really San Andreas' fault that California has so many earthquakes?

A scientist, trying to prove his theorem, was doing a large experiment with liquid chemicals when he fell into the vat and became part of the solution.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and how about one for the road."

Victoria's Secret is launching a new line of a wide variety of Freudian slips.

Auto body-shop sign: "We come highly wreck-a-mended"

Note from the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be."

Did you hear about the two blood corpuscles named Romeo and Juliet?

They loved in vein.

"Oh, look!" I said. "A crocodile." "No," my friend corrected me. "It's walking between those two buildings--it's obviously an alleygator."

I refuse to visit Marx's tomb because it's all just a communist plot.

Stable relationships are for horses

There was an English teacher who kept her class spell bound.

Some daze I just can't seem to focus.

Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself.

Old politicians never die, they just get devoted.

You know sometimes I get the sudden urge to run around naked. But then I just drink some Windex. It keeps me from streaking

The roundest knight at king Arthur's table was Sir Cumference

A boy who looked like his father the sculptor was a chip off the old block

The jockey thought he was so clever feeding marijana to his steed to enhance it's performance. Well, now he's busted, and it's time for him to get off his high horse.

Grocery clerks make you pick paper or plastic because baggers can't be choosers.

"Every time a bell rings, my dog goes and sits in the corner."

Vet: "That's perfectly normal; he's a boxer."

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

The man who worked in the gum factory fell in a vat of bubblegum? His boss had to chew him out.

Siren with a fire engine

A fire fighter was working on an engine outside the station when he Noticed the little girl next door in a little red wagon with little Ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the Middle. The girl was wearing a fire fighter's helmet and the wagon was Being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck", the fire fighter said with admiration.
"Thanks" said the little girl. The fire fighter looked a little closer And noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the Cat's' testicle.
"Little Partner", the fire fighter said, "I don't want to tell you how To run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's Collar too, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I Wouldn't have a siren."

Dead pet

After a long day at the office, Chris came home one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit was obviously dead. Chris panicked!

"If my neighbors find out my dog killed their bunny, they'll hate me forever," he thought.

So he took the dirty deceased rabbit into the house, gave it a bath and blow-dried its fur. Chris knew his neighbors kept their backdoor open during the summer, so he sneaked inside and put the bunny back into the cage, hoping his neighbors would think it died of natural causes.

A couple of days later Chris and his neighbor saw each other outside.

"Did you hear that Fluffy died?" the neighbor asked.

"Oh. Uhmm... Sorry to hear that. What happened?" Chris mumbled.

The neighbor replied, "We just found him dead in his cage one day. But the strange thing is that the day after we buried him, we went out to dinner and someone must have dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage! There are some really sick people out there!"

5 HELPFUL HINTS TO ELIMINATE THE MUSTY ODOR INSIDE A SUITCASE & others

TO ELIMINATE THE MUSTY ODOR INSIDE A SUITCASE

Place a few pieces of crumpled up newspaper in the closed suitcase. Replace the newspaper every few days until the odor is gone.

CLOTHES STICK TO THE BOTTOM OF YOUR IRON

Sprinkle salt on a piece of paper and run the hot iron back and forth over the paper.

FOR GREAT HOMEMADE CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES

Add a box of instant vanilla pudding to the cookie mix.

FOR A DELICIOUS SNACK FOR KIDS AND ADULTS

Banana slices dipped in molasses and rolled in wheat germ.

FOR A NUTRITIOUS LUNCH THAT'S FUN FOR A SMALL CHILD

Fill each cup of a cupcake baking pan with a different food item: like cereal, cheese cubes, diced fruits, etc.*

Have you been CodeFused?

You will be given random puzzles, try to solve them using the clues. If you can't find the clues you must dig deeper into your mind. The solution may be right in front of you or it might not. All the solutions can be found from where you are sitting. The degree of difficulty will increase.

Complete the puzzles and add your name to the Top CodeFused list. Solve it by yourself or as a group. I just ask that you keep the solutions to your self. Providing hints and/or clues on private Blogs are always welcome but the idea behind a puzzle is the challenge and the satisfaction of solving it.

Read more at this site.

http://www.dictionarist.com/ - Online talking dictionary

Welcome to Online Talking Dictionary. Dictionarist provides translations in English, Spanish, Portuguese, German, French, Italian, Russian, Turkish, Dutch, Greek, Chinese, Japanese and Korean dictionaries.

Why Dictionarist appears in foreign language?
Dictionarist performs firstly your preferred interface language via Languages Options. If you have not selected an interface language before, then Dictionarist performs your browser accept language.

Read more at this site.

What is a black hole ?

A black hole is a region of space in which the gravitational field is so powerful that nothing can escape after having fallen past the event horizon.
The name comes from the fact that even electromagnetic radiation (e.g. light) is unable to escape, rendering the interior invisible. However, black holes can be detected if they interact with matter outside the event horizon, for example by drawing in gas from an orbiting star.
The gas spirals inward, heating up to very high temperatures and emitting large amounts of radiation in the process. While the idea of an object with gravity strong enough to prevent light from escaping was proposed in the 18th century, black holes as presently understood are described by Einstein's theory of general relativity,developed in 1916.
This theory predicts that when a large enough amount of mass is present within a sufficiently small region of space, all paths through space are warped inwards towards the center of the volume, forcing all matter and radiation to fall inward.
While general relativity describes a black hole as a region of empty space with a pointlike singularity at the center and an event horizon at the outer edge, the description changes when the effects of quantum mechanics are taken into account.
Research on this subject indicates that, rather than holding captured matter forever, black holes may slowly leak a form of thermal energy called Hawking radiation.
However, the final, correct description of black holes, requiring a theory of quantum gravity, is unknown.

Recipe: MYSORE PAK

This delicious fudge from South India has a granular texture. Do not be alarmed by the amount of ghee mentioned in the recipe as most of it is drained out at the end of the cooking process.

Cooking Time : 20 mins.
Preparation Time : 10 mins.

Makes 12 pieces.

Ingredients:
1/3 cup (50 grams) Bengal gram flour (besan)
1/3 cup (50 grams) plain flour (maida)
1/2 cup melted ghee
3/4 cup (150 grams) sugar

For pouring into the flour mixture:
3 cups melted ghee, hot

Method:
1. In a bowl, combine the gram flour, plain flour and melted ghee and mix well. Keep aside.
2. In a kadhai, dissolve the sugar in 1/4 cup of water and bring to a boil. Simmer till the syrup is of 1 string consistency.
3. Add the gram flour mixture and mix well, stirring continuously in one direction, over a medium flame.
4. Pour the hot ghee a little at a time (approximately 1/4 cup) from a height so that it trickles in a thin stream in the centre of the Mysore pak mixture.
5. Stir continuously in a circular motion on a low flame. When the ghee is absorbed, the Mysore pak mixture will increase in volume(expand).
6. Stir in one direction (clockwise or anti-clockwise) only. When the mixture settles down a little, pour more hot ghee again and stir in the same manner.
7. Repeat steps 4 and 5 till the entire quantity of 3 cups of ghee has been poured and absorbed by the Mysore pak mixture.
8. Sprinkle 1/2 teaspoon of cold water on the Mysore pak. If it is ready, the Mysore pak will sizzle indicating that it is ready to be poured out.
9. Pour the mixture into a tray or thali approximately 100 mm. (4") in diameter. The sides of the thali should be at least 50 mm. (2") high.
10. Allow it to set and harden for about 5 minutes. Then, crack a small hole and drain out all the excess ghee. Approximately 2 to 2 1/2 cups will get drained out.
11. Cut into 12 squares and store in an air-tight container.

Tips:
If a colander is used instead of the tray or thali to set the Mysore pak, keep a bowl under the colander to collect the excess ghee which will drain out automatically.

Free printable restaurant coupons

A site that allows you to view and print restaurant coupons.
From the website (for restaurants in the US and UK):

Face it: you have to eat. You need to feed your family. But do you really feel like cooking tonight?

Eating out may seem like an extravagance, but think again. We have coupons that you can print out and use to save money at restaurants across the nation.
Now, enjoy your dinner!

AutoRuns for Windows v9.21

This utility, which has the most comprehensive knowledge of auto-starting locations of any startup monitor, shows you what programs are configured to run during system bootup or login, and shows you the entries in the order Windows processes them. These programs include ones in your startup folder, Run, RunOnce, and other Registry keys. You can configure Autoruns to show other locations, including Explorer shell extensions, toolbars, browser helper objects, Winlogon notifications, auto-start services, and much more. Autoruns goes way beyond the MSConfig utility bundled with Windows Me and XP.

Autoruns' Hide Signed Microsoft Entries option helps you to zoom in on third-party auto-starting images that have been added to your system and it has support for looking at the auto-starting images configured for other accounts configured on a system. Also included in the download package is a command-line equivalent that can output in CSV format, Autorunsc.

Autoruns works on all versions of Windows including 64-bit versions.

Read more and download from this site.

Information on carpenter ants

When searching for information about carpenter ants (identification, control, and other such information), I came across this link that provides some information in this regard, and should help you to learn more about this problem. Here are some excerpts from this site:

The presence of a few foraging ants in the home, or 1 or 2 winged queens during swarming times does not mean you have an infestation. These foragers may merely be scout ants seeking food or nesting sites or queens that have flown in an open door.
Foraging ants have been seen entering homes along telephone wires or along branches touching the roof or even from ground trails that come under a door. In such cases, the house may be a nesting area.
If ants are coming in, there may be a nest outside the house and eventually they may establish satellite colonies in some part of the structure. Be certain they are carpenter ants and not moisture ants, termites or yellowjackets.

Most infestations were in houses with these characteristics:

* Wood frame
* Crawl space
* Cedar or plywood siding
* Moderately to gently sloping roof
* 5-25 years of age
* Vegetation (trees and shrubs) surrounding the house
* "Structures located near the edge of the forest were more liable to attack than those located further away." This is because the ants which have well-established nests in trees or stumps can easily move to the nearby house and establish satellite colonies.

Site with some chess problems

Excerpt from this site (link)

Welcome to my world of Chess. Here you will find some challenging stuffs towards the game that I loved most. Some of them are my own and the other are collected when surfing across the web. The problems are really challenging and will give some food to your brain for sure. I will be publishing the solutions to these problems as well, until then, have a good time in solving them!

The problems are in the grid below this text (below the Google Ads)

Reducing The Power Consumption Of Overclocked PCs

This is a great article about reducing the power consumption of Overclocked PC's (link). Some excerpts:

Now, that must sound pretty inane. Overclocking a PC seems to be as far apart from power saving as it can get. After all, overclockers employ all kinds of power-guzzling methods to improve their CPU's overclockability, from increasing the CPU core voltage to employing more powerful cooling systems. Even the act of increasing the clock speed increases power consumption.

Having overclocked all my PCs for the past 10 years, I am one of these overclockers. I have overclocked everything from a 300 MHz AMD K6-2 processor up to my current gem, an Intel Core 2 Duo E6850. I've even gone to the extent of water cooling almost every processor I've owned since the year 2000. So, the decision to reduce power consumption would seem insane, even to me.

However, there are a few good reasons why I would want to do this. Even though I love overclocking my PCs and making them run to the best of their ability, the increased power consumption has resulted in :

* A very hot room, especially in the afternoon!
* High electricity bill.