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Showing posts with label Money. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Money. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Joke: How to get more money

Jose and Carlos are panhandlers. They panhandle on different areas of town.

Carlos panhandles just as long as Jose but only collects 2 to 3 dollars every day.

Jose brings home a suitcase FULL of $10 bills, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend.

Carlos says to Jose, "I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day?"

Jose says, "Look at your sign, what does it say?"

Carlos sign reads: "I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support."

Jose says, "No wonder you only get $2-3 dollars!"

Carlos says, "So what does your sign say?"


Jose shows Carlos his sign. It reads, "I only need another $10.00 to move back to Mexico."

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Joke: I Can't Hear You!

At one local church, Bill was in charge of taking up the offerings.  One Sunday after the services, the priest counted the cash and found it was smaller than anticipated, so he questioned Bill.   He told him that it did not seem enough for the size of the congregation.  Bill said that he did not take any of the offering.
 
The priest then said, "Get in the confessional," which Bill did.  Then the priest asked him did you take any of the offering."
 
Bill responded, "I can't hear you."
 
Again the priest asked, "Bill, did you take any of the offering?"
 
Again Bill answered, "I can't hear you."
 
This time the priest yelled, "BILL, DID YOU TAKE ANY OF THE OFFERING?"
 
Again Bill answered, "I can't hear you."
 
By this time the priest was getting a little angry so he came out of the confessional and said, "Bill, trade places with me and you can ask me a question."
 
So they traded places and Bill asked, "I hear that you and my wife are having an affair, is that true?"
 

To which the priest answered, "By golly you can't hear in here!" 

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Joke: Who pays for everything ?

A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after midnight.


While en-route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness.

The man suspects his wife is having an affair, and he wants to catch her in the act.

For $100, the cab driver agrees.

Quietly arriving home, the husband and the cab driver tip-toe into the bedroom.

The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back, and there is his wife in bed with another man!

The husband puts a gun to the man's head.

The wife shouts, "Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money.

HE paid for the Mecedes I gave you.

HE paid for our new cabin cruiser.

HE paid for your football season tickets.

HE paid for our house on that rich hill

HE paid for our golf club membership, and HE even pays the monthly dues!"

Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun.

He looks over at the cab driver and says "What would you do?"

The cab driver replies, "I'd cover him quickly  with that blanket before he catches cold!!" 

Saturday, December 12, 2009

BillionVault.com - Good Delivery bars

Why would you be interested in something called BillionVault.com ? What is it ?
It used to be very difficult for private individuals to find a simple, safe and cost-effective way of buying, storing, and then selling gold. The main problem was the sheer size of the investment you needed to make to access the best prices - and there were extra complications with integrity and storage too.

BillionVault.com enables people from all over the world to own professional market gold and keep it in any quantity in officially recognized bullion vaults in London (UK), New York (USA), or Zurich (Switzerland).
All BullionVault gold is held in Good Delivery form. So when you come to sell, your buyer is able to trust the purity and weight of your gold, which is guaranteed by BullionVault itself because we know that you never had the chance to corrupt it.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Humour: Quote about men and handsome men

The nice men are ugly.

The handsome men are not nice.

The handsome and nice men are gay.

The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.

The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.

The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.

The handsome men without money are after our money.

The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.

The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.

The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!

The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.

And yet, WOMEN are the CONFUSING sex???

Thursday, October 22, 2009

World stock indexes all on one page

For people who invest in equities, stocks, and currencies on a global scale, there is an urgent need to have a page or software that is able to display the indices of many stock exchanges the world over. Some of these are the Down Jones, NASDAQ, French CAC, German DAX, UK FTSE, Nikkei 225, and many others.
Well, there is an easy and free way to get these. Just head over to this page (link) and you will get all of these (plus currency rates, more exchanges, and so on).

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Joke: Letter to son-in-law

Dear Future Son-in-Law:

I have been unable to sleep since I forced my daughter to break off her
engagement to you. Will you forgive and forget?

I was much too sensitive about your orange Mohawk haircut, multiple tattoos,
pierced nose and assorted rings in your ears, eyebrows and tongue.

I now realize motorcycles aren't really that dangerous, and I really should
not have reacted that way to the fact that you have never held a job.

I am sure, too, that some other very nice people live under the bridge in
the park.

Sure, my daughter is only 18 and wants to marry you instead of going to
Harvard on a full-ride scholarship. After all, you can't learn everything
about life from books.

I sometimes forget how backward I can be. I was wrong. I was a fool. I have
now come to my senses and you have my full blessing to marry my daughter.

Your future Father-in-Law,

Jim


P.S. Congratulations on winning the lottery!

Friday, October 9, 2009

Joke: No money this week

Two friends meet on a Miami street. One looked forlorn, and
almost on the verge of tears. The other man said, "Hey, how
come you look like the whole world caved in?"

The sad fellow said, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an
uncle died and left me forty thousand dollars."

"That's not bad."

"Hold on, I'm just getting started. Two weeks ago, a cousin
I never knew kicked the bucket , and left me eighty-five
thousand free and clear."

"Sounds like you should be grateful."

"Last week my great aunt passed away. I inherited almost a
quarter of a million."

"Then how come you look so glum?"

"This week........ nothing!"

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Make money from blogs - What do those arrows in the Google Adsense ads mean ?

If you have ever spent your time thinking about the ads you see served by the Adsense program, you would have seen some arrows displayed near the bottom, but it is quite possible that you would not have investigated too much for fear of violation the terms and conditions of the Adsense program. Well, read this post to learn more about what these arrows mean, as well as optimizations planned for these arrows (link for the post):

With the 'next' and 'previous' buttons, users can view more cheese ads until a Swiss cheese ad appears. As a result, we'll soon be making a few minor aesthetic changes, including darkening the arrows to make them more visible and orienting all arrows to point left and right. In addition, to help users understand what the arrows do, hovering over the arrows will soon show the labels 'previous ads' and 'next ads'.

Joke: Contribute to the Church

When the minister picked up the phone, Special Agent Struzik from the IRS
was on the line. "Hello, is this the minister?"

"Yes, this is."

"I'm calling to inquire about a member of your congregation, a Dr. Shipe. Do
you recognize the name?"

"Yes, he is a member of our congregation. How can I be of service?"

"Well, on last year's tax return, the doctor claimed that he made a sizable
tax deductable contribution to your church. Is this true?"

"Well, I'll have to have our bookkeeper verify this information for you. How
much did Dr. Shipe say he contributed?"

"Twenty five thousand dollars," answered Agent Struzik. "Can you tell me if
that amount is true?"

There is a long pause. "I'll tell you what," replied the minister, "call
back tomorrow -- I'm sure it will be."

Joke: Take 4 of your friends

The old panhandler living in New York hears that his brother is very sick in
Los Angeles. By working day and night for a week he is able to beg enough to
buy his airplane ticket.

He arrives at Kennedy Airport , goes to the ticket counter, and plunks down
all the money. The clerk at the counter counts it and says to the man, "I'm
sorry, Sir, but you're a nickel short."

The panhandler tells the clerk that he'll be right back. He runs out in
front of the terminal and stops the first man he sees. "Mister, can you let
me have a nickel, so I can get to California?"

The stranger flips him a quarter and says, "Here, take four of your
friends."

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Making money through selling your content - www.constant-content.com

Consider the case where you have started blogging very recently, and the money you are making from Adsense or from other similar advertising programs is not very high (Ignore all those ads that say that you can make $4,000 dollars per day from the first week onwards - if people could do that, why would they be selling the secret for $50). However, you believe that you have an engaging style of writing, and this will drive more people towards your blog. Further, if there is way for you to make some money through selling articles, why not ?
Well, now is the time to meet reality. It is not until we have been tested that we realize that what we thought was excellent is only good, and what we had thought as Good is not so good. So, the question remains as to how to get your writing judged ? Well, there is a way to do so. There are sites that act as a marketplace between content providers and buyers. This is indeed way to make money through selling your articles ? You could make money through this !
Time for a reality check, you need to find somebody who can do this for you. Well, there is a site called ConstantContent (link) that acts as such a market place, and gives you the chance to make money from your writing. How do you use this as an evaluation of your writing style ? Well, the site has human editors, who will evaluate your content and then decide whether it is worthy. They would also be willing to offer feedback about what went wrong, and could be improved. On the other hand, if your writing is indeed good, you could evaluate the requests made and write articles similar to these requests.
Your content will also not be freely available on the internet.

Constant-Content is unique in that we do not allow search engines to index our articles. As a consequence, when you purchase a unique or full rights license for one of our articles you can be certain that you will be the first on the Internet to post this article and you will receive the benefits of having unique, interesting and link-worthy content.

Read more about how they accept articles (link)

Ad: Click Here to learn about creating articles for sale!

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Make money from Blogs - Learn more about Adsense success stories

For people who write blogs, there are various approaches with regard to making money. There are some people who disdain the idea of anything to do with advertising; there are others who believe in their writing, but don't look away from the prospect of making some money on the side; there are others who fill their sites with ads (including Adsense ads) and whose sites can look fairly ugly; and then there are the ones who learnt a lot about how to use Adsense optimally and started a huge jump in the amount of money that they have started making.
Wouldn't you like to make more money from your blogs ? More money means that you can devote more time to your hobbies, to doing things that make you happy rather than toiling away on a job ? Well, it can be done, but it is not a one day effort. People who have learnt to make a lot of money from Adsense have done so after doing a lot of reading, trying out tips, experimenting and deciphering what works for them, and what does not.
One good place to start is by using the success stories posted on the Google Adsense Help page at this link.
As an example, consider the case of a site called http://seatguru.com, where the creator of the site originally was struggling with several affiliate links, and then finally stumbled upon using Adsense. After experimenting with different formats, he uses channels to determine which of these experiments are successful, and hence has worked out a lot of optimization to increase his Adsense revenue.

Ad: Click Here to learn more about Affilorama, training for affiliate
marketing!




Here are some more videos from Youtube that might help you.

Google Adsense Tips



5 Surefire Ways to Increase Google Adsense Earnings



AdSense Optimization by Lockergnome

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Making money from photo-blogs - second part

In my previous post, I had talked about some of the concepts around creating a photo-blog, and making money from that (through Ads primarily). This post will talk more on the same subject, and should hopefully help you move further on that line.
1. As part of a post on Wordpress optimization, I had mentioned that it puts less load on your server if content / scripts, etc, are loaded from a different server. So, wherever possible, put your photos on a different server, or on some reliable web hosting solution elsewhere. For example, you can put your photos on Amazon AWS, Photobucket, Flickr, or any other photo sharing site, and have the thumbnail on your own site. Thus, when somebody clicks on the thumbnail, you will get the actual photo on your own site.
2. Make sure that you have a system of analytics setup on your site. This will help you determine which photos are being viewed the most and are in demand. You could focus more on photos that seem more in demand, and get more visitors to your site.
3. Once you start getting people to your photo blog, explore whether you want to join the world of photo stock (where you can sell your photos, either as part of Micro-stock, or as Rights Released photos). Some of the more popular sites are: CanStockPhoto, BigStockPhoto, The3dStudio, Fotolia, Shutterstock. Learn more about stock photography at these locations.
4. There are a large number of photo directories on the net (you can find many of them on Google), so make sure that you enter your site on these site; these increase the chance of more people visiting your photo sites
5. Post your better photos on places such as your Twitter account, Facebook account, etc, and refer your photo blog location. This also attracts more people to your photo blog
6. There are many sites on the web that offer free photos. Don't feel in the least bit hesitant about copying the photos from these locations, and putting them on your blog (as long as you don't claim that they are your own - follow the terms of their copyright).

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Weird news: Giving away $1 million worth of savings in a mattress

Sometimes good tasks can also result in harm. What else are the results you can draw from the below story ? A daughter sought to do good to her elderly mother, and bought a new mattress for her to replace the old that the mother was using. She also wanted to make this a surprise, so she took the effort of throwing out the old one and replacing with the new one. However, this surprise turned into a huge shock for everybody concerned when it was disclosed that the old mattress contained nearly $1 million, the life savings of the mother. And the mattress had been taken away by trash (link to article):


A woman in Tel Aviv, Israel, gave her elderly mother a new mattress as a surprise gift, throwing out the old tattered bed her mother had slept on for decades. The gesture ended up bankrupting Annat's mother, who had stuffed her savings of nearly $1 million inside her old bed for decades, Annat told Israel Army Radio. A massive search is under way at the city dump, where security has been beefed up to keep out treasure-seekers who have heard Annat's story in Israeli media.
Annat alerted the two major dump sites in the Israeli city in an effort to locate the bed, but so far she has had no luck. Yitchak Burba, one of the dump site managers, told Army Radio that he and his men are working relentlessly to try to help Annat find the million-dollar mattress among the tons of garbage at the landfill. The publicity has triggered a wave of people also trying to find the mattress and its contents for themselves. Burba has increased security around the dump to keep them out.


Such news is very traumatic to read. It almost reminds of that saying that I heard once: "No good deed goes unpunished".

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Weird news: 2 good people return huge amount of money they found

Did you know that if a security truck carrying money dropped money onto the road by mistake, then you cannot legally pick up the money. The money is meant to be returned to the truck company, and it is a felony to actually take the money. However, in reality, how often would you come across people who find huge sums of money lying on the road, and return the entire money they found ? Would you be the one who would return this money if you found it ? Is your conscience clear ?
Well, in this case where an armored truck (the truck whose business it is to carry money safely and away from people who would want to steal the money) dropped bag of money from a side open door and continued merrily on its way, there were some good people who actually collected most of the money (including persuading others who had the money) to return the money (link to article):


Two good Samaritans returned more than $275,000 that tumbled out of an improperly secured armored truck in Syracuse, New York, last week. But some not-so-good Samaritans seem to have walked away with another $60,000 that fell onto the street. A Brinks armored truck inadvertently strewed more than a dozen bags of money on the ground in front of the Syracuse Antiques Exchange on Friday, according to Sgt. Tom Connellan of the Syracuse police department.
As word spread that hundreds of thousands of dollars lay in the street, people streamed out of passing cars and adjacent businesses. For the most part the gatherers cooperated in the recovery effort. Herring attributed the crowd's willingness to turn over the money -- rather than run away with it -- to his imposing stature. "Had I not been the size I was, it might have went a different way."

How easy it is to think of not returning the money, well these people withstood all those inducements and simply did their duty.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Adult Joke: Getting a discount

Berkowitz is having a drink at his hotel when he spots a beautiful young woman at the other end of the bar. "Bartender," he says, "give that lady whatever she likes, and put it on my tab."

When the drink is delivered, the woman gives Berkowitz a warm smile. A moment later he's at her side.

"That was very kind of you," she says. "Won't you sit down?"

After a few minutes of small talk, she says, "Let me be honest with you. You're a very nice man, but I don't think you realize that I'm a professional. I'd be delighted to go upstairs with you for a hundred dollars. Now, if that's not what you had in mind, I certainly understand, and I'll say good-bye now, no hard feelings."

"I'm surprised," says Berkowitz. "But you're a beautiful lady, and I like you, too. I've never done something like this before, but sure, let's go upstairs."

When they get to Berkowitz's room, he says, "I was wondering. There's something about you that makes me think you might be Jewish."

"Well, I am," she replies a little defensively. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, I'm Jewish, too," says Berkowitz. "And since we're both Jewish, I was hoping you would give me a discount."

"Dammit," she replies, "I was afraid this would happen. Okay, twenty percent off. But I want you to know, at these prices I'm not making any profit!"

Saturday, July 19, 2008

I Can't Hear You

A young man was having some money problems, and needed $200 to get his car fixed and roadworthy again, but he had run out of people to borrow from. So, he calls his parents via the operator, and reverses the charge and gets his father.

"I need to borrow two hundred dollars," he says.

At the other end, his father says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, son, I think there may be a bad line."

The boy shouts, "Two hundred. I need two hundred dollars!"

"Sorry, I still can't hear you clearly," says his father.

The operator cuts in, "Sorry to butt in, but I can hear him perfectly clearly."

The father says, "Good. YOU send him the money!"

10 Richest People of All Time and How They Made Their Fortunes

Quick: who is the richest man of all time? Bill Gates? Warren Buffet? Not even close, though there's no denying they're very, very rich. The richest man of all time, when wealth is measured as a percentage of the national economy, was John D. Rockefeller, whose fortunes made Gates' and Buffet's look downright puny.
Keeping score of who's wealthier is like a spectator sport with Forbes magazine as its official referee. Last year, Forbes counted 946 billionaires (there are too many millionaires to count, so they don't bother with that anymore) with combined net worth of $3.5 trillion. That's larger than the GDP of Germany, the third largest economy in the world.
But the richest people ever belong in their own special club. These people (all men) have built fortunes of legendary proportions when calculated at the peak of their wealth. Here is the list of the 10 Richest People of All Time and How They Made Their Fortunes.1. John D. Rockefeller

Peak wealth: $318.3 billion (based on 2007 US dollar). Age at peak wealth: 74
As a young man, John Davison Rockefeller said that his two greatest ambitions were to make $100,000 and live to be 100. He died two months shy of his 98th birthday, but boy did he make good on the first goal.
Rockefeller wasn't born to a rich family. His father, William Avery "Big Bill" Rockefeller was a shiftless man who spent most of his times thinking up schemes to avoid actual work! Nevertheless, thanks to the guidance of his mom Eliza - a homemaker and devout Baptist - John D. grew up to be quite a hardworking man.
Rockefeller started out in business as a wholesale grocer and went on to found Standard Oil, which through shrewd business decisions and some say predatory and illegal practices, grew to be a gargantuan monopoly. At its peak, Standard Oil had about 90% of the market for refined oil (kerosene) in the United States (in the early days of Standard Oil, gasoline wasn't an important component of the oil industry - indeed, gasoline produced by the refineries were dumped in rivers because they were considered useless!)
In 1911, the US Supreme Court declared Standard Oil a monopoly under the Sherman Antitrust Act and ordered it to be broken up into 34 independent companies with different boards of directors. By that time, Rockefeller had long since retired from the company but still held a large percentage of shares. Ironically, the busting up of Standard Oil unlocked share values and his fortunes doubled overnight.
Rockefeller got his first job at 16 as a bookkeeper. In a move that portended his lifelong commitment to philanthropy, he tithed 10% of his income - from his first paycheck on - to charity. As his wealth grew, so did his charitable contributions. When he died in 1937, Rockefeller had given away half of his amassed fortune, and established philanthropic foundations to continue giving after his death.2. Andrew Carnegie

Peak wealth: $298.3 billion. Age at peak wealth: 68
Andrew Carnegie immigrated as a young child to Pittsburgh from Scotland and began working at 13 years old as a bobbin boy in a textile mill. He changed spools of threads for 12 hours a day, 6 days a week for a weekly wage of $2. At 16 years old, Carnegie became a telegraph messenger boy, and soon after was promoted to be a telegraph operator.
Carnegie became a personal assistant to Thomas Scott, superintendent of the Pennsylvania Railroad Company and learned the ins and outs of the railroad business. It was Carnegie who invented a brutally efficient way to clear the tracks after a railway accident: by burning the railroad car!
When he was 20, Carnegie mortgaged his mother's house and made his first gutsy investment of $500 for 10 shares of the Adams Express company - sort of the Fed Ex delivery company of the 1800s - and was handsomely rewarded. He then invested in a company making sleeping cars for the railway. By the time he was 30, Carnegie had expanded his investments to iron works, steamers, railroads, and oil well.
But the real money came from steel. In the late 1880s, Carnegie built his steel empire to become the world's largest manufacturer of steel rails, pig iron, and coke.
In 1901, at the age of 66, Carnegie retired by selling his shares to John Pierpont Morgan for more than $225 million (a large sum today and an astounding amount of money back then) in form of gold-bonds. When the bonds were delivered, a special vault had to be built to physically house them!
Carnegie was big proponent of philanthropy - in a famous 1889 essay "The Gospel of Wealth," he wrote that wealth should be distributed to promote welfare of other people and enrich society. True to his words, Carnegie gave away more than $350 million or almost 90% of his fortune.
Note: At the end of the Spanish American War, the United States bought the Philippines from Spain for $20 million. Carnegie was appalled at what he perceived to be an imperialist move and personally offered $20 million to the Philippines so it could buy its independence from the US (they didn't take him up on his offer).3. Nicholas II of Russia

The last Russian Imperial family
Peak wealth: $253.5 billion. Age at peak wealth: 49
Nicholas II of Russia (born Nikolai Aleksandrovich Romanov) was the last Tsar of Russia. He ruled (badly) from 1894 until he was forced to abdicate in the Russian Revolution of 1917 by the Bolsheviks. His reign was marked with antisemitic pogroms, a crushing defeat by Japan in the Russo-Japanese War, revolutions, internal unrests their bloody suppressions, undue influence by the mystic Rasputin and World War I. A year after he was deposed, Nicholas and his entire family were executed by Lenin's order.
The life of the last tsar of Russia was filled with fascinating myths, legends, and history - and readers interested in it are encouraged to read more about Nicholas II and the Romanovs. Suffice it to say that Nicholas II became the third richest man in history the old fashioned way: he inherited his wealth.

4. William Henry Vanderbilt
Peak wealth: $231.6 billion. Age at peak wealth: 64
William Henry Vanderbilt had a pretty good start in life: he inherited nearly $100 million from his father, the railroad mogul Cornelius "The Commodore" Vanderbilt (if you want to read a rags to riches story, Cornelius' is pretty good - see below).
William Vanderbilt was groomed by his father to be a businessman (at times harshly - the imperious and domineering Cornelius liked to call his eldest son a "blockhead," "blatherskite, " "sucker," and "good for nothing") and William turned out to be quite an able businessman. He expanded the family's railroad empire and thus the family fortune, finally earning his father's respect and friendship.
When William died in 1885, he was the richest man in the world.

5. Osman Ali Khan, Asaf Jah VII
Peak wealth: $210.8 billion. Age at peak wealth: 50
Asaf Jah VII (whose given name was Osman Ali Khan Bahadur) was the last Nizam or ruler of the Princely State of Hyderabad and Berar, before it was invaded and annexed by India in 1948.
By most accounts, "His Exalted Highness" the Nizam of Hyderabad was a benevolent ruler who promoted education, science and development. He spent about one-tenth of his Principality' s budget on education, and even made primary education compulsory and free for the poor. In his 37-year rule, Hyderabad witnessed the introduction of electricity, railways, roads, and other development projects.
In 1937, Asaf Jah VII was on the cover of Time Magazine, labeled as the richest man in the world.

6. Andrew W. Mellon
Peak wealth: $188.8 billion. Age at peak wealth: 80
Andrew William Mellon was the son of a Pittsburgh banker Thomas Mellon (who founded the Mellon Bank). Andrew got his start early: he started a lumber company at the age of 17 and by the age of 27 had taken over his father's bank. He also got into oil, steel, shipbuilding, and construction business.
In 1921, President Warren G. Harding appointed the financier Mellon as the Secretary of the Treasury, where he served for 10 years (under three U.S.. Presidents). At that post, Mellon increased federal revenue by decreasing the taxation rate and cutting federal spending.

7. Henry Ford
Peak wealth: $188.1 billion. Age at peak wealth: 57
If Henry Ford's father had his way, Henry would take over the family farm and become a farmer. But after the death of his beloved mother, Henry, who didn't particularly like farming, left home in 1879 at the age of 16 to work as an apprentice machinist.
At 28, Henry Ford became an engineer at Thomas Edison's company and started experimenting with gasoline engines (with Edison's approval). In 1896, at the age of 36, Ford started his first car company, the Detroit Automobile Company, which went bankrupt two years later.
Soon afterwards, he set up his second company, the Henry Ford Company. A year later, his partners hired Henry M. Leland to troubleshoot problems on the shop floor. Ford clashed almost immediately with Leland, and was forced out of the company bearing his name with only $900 cash. The Henry Ford Company was renamed Cadillac, and Ford went on to form his third car company, the "Ford Malcomson" company ...
.... and immediately got into trouble when he couldn't pay his suppliers, the Dodge brothers. Ford's partner, Alexander Malcomson was able to convince the Dodge brothers to invest in the company instead and the company was reincorporated as the Ford Motor Company. And a good thing they did because third time was the charm. The Ford Motor Company made Henry Ford a very rich man.
Henry Ford's name became synonymous with automobiles for good reasons: he introduced the Model T, the first inexpensive car for the masses. He also popularized the use of assembly lines in mass productions, high workers' wages to attract talent and discourage employee turnover, franchise model car dealerships, and even the 5-day workweek.
One interesting note about Henry Ford: he didn't believe in accountants. On one occasion, his son Edsel contracted the building of a new office building with much needed space for the Accounting division. When Henry asked what the space was for, Edsel acknowledged that it was for the accounting department. The very next day, when the accountants showed up for work, they found their office had been stripped - no desks, chairs, or telephones; even the carpeting was gone - and that Henry had fired them all. (Source: Edsel.com)

8. Marcus Licinius Crassus
Peak wealth: $169.8 billion. Age at peak wealth: 62
Marcus Licinius Crassus (ca. 115 BC to 53 BC) is the earliest historical figure in this list. He was a Roman general and politician who defeated the slave revolt led by Spartacus.
If you think the rest of the businessmen on this list were ruthless - in reality they've got nothing on Crassus. The Roman general became wealthy when he bought the homes and belongings from the victims of Sulla's sacking of Rome (Crassus was one of Sulla's generals) for cheap. He then re-sold them at a princely profit. Crassus then expanded his wealth through the slave trade, silver mining, and real estate, especially by buying houses of those declared enemies of the state for next to nothing.
But it was Crassus' acquisition of burning houses that earned him his lasting notoriety. He maintained a troop of 500 skilled builders - and when a fire broke out in Rome (back then a frequent occurrence), he negotiated the sale of the burning properties and those nearby for cheap. Once he obtained the properties, he called upon his men to demolish the burning property and save the nearby buildings (that was the preferred technique of fighting fire during Roman times). He then rebuilt and leased back the property to the original owners! At one point, Crassus owned a large part of Rome and some wondered whether the fires might not have actually been his doing ...
Crassus was so greedy that when he died, his enemies had his head severed and molten gold poured into his mouth as a mark of his greed .

9. Basil II
Peak wealth: $169.4 billion. Age at peak wealth: 67
Basil II (or Basil the Bulgarslayer) was a Byzantine emperor from the Macedonian dynasty who reigned from 976 to 1025. For historians, Basil II's reign represented the apex of the Middle Byzantine Empire - he expanded the territory of the empire by annexing Bulgaria, making it the largest and strongest it had ever been in nearly five centuries.
Basil had no heir, and within half a century of his death, the Byzantine Empire crumbled.

10. Cornelius Vanderbilt
Peak wealth: $167.4 billion. Age at peak wealth: 82
Cornelius Vanderbilt is a true rags-to-riches story: he quit school at the age of 11 (famously saying "If I had learned education, I would not have had time to learn anything else") to work on ferries in New York. By 16, persuaded his mom to loan him $100 for a boat to start his own ferry business carrying freight and passengers between Staten Island and Manhattan. He repaid the loan with an additional $1000 one year later. It's from this business operating ships that he got his nickname "Commodore" that stuck for the rest of his life, even after he started getting into the railroad business.
Vanderbilt was ruthless in business. He once wrote a short (and now famous) letter to Charles Morgan and C.K. Garrison of the Morgan Garrison company. The two men manipulated his steamship company's stock in his absence and took it over. The letter read "Gentlemen: you have undertaken to cheat me. I won't sue you, for the law is too slow. I'll ruin you. Yours truly, Cornelius Vanderbilt." True to his words, two years later Vanderbilt forced them out of business by running a competing business.
Despite of their wealth - or perhaps because of it, the Vanderbilt family wasn't a happy one. The Commodore was constantly thinking of his will, which he called "that paper." He wanted the money to remain intact, and thus it must be handed down to a single heir. Indeed, he disowned all of his sons other than William (see above), believing that only William was ruthless enough in business to be capable of maintaining his empire.

Loan me thirty dollars

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she'll become a hooker.

She's not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, "Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I'll be parked around the corner."

She's not there 5 minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, "How much?"

She says, "A hundred dollars."

He says, "All I got is thirty".

She says, "Hold on," and runs back to Harry and asks, "What can he get for thirty?"

"A hand job".

She runs back and tells the guy all the gets for thirty is a hand job.

He agrees.

She gets in the car.

He unzips his pants, and out pops this HUGE penis. She stares at it for a minute, and then says, "I'll be right back."

She runs back to Harry, and asks, "Can you loan this guy seventy bucks?"