Funny: Some jokes

Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the other day, a passenger noticed that the "Fasten Seat Belt" sign was kept lit during the whole journey although the flight was a particularly smooth one.  Just before landing, he asked the stewardess about it.

"Well," she explained.  "Up front there are 17 University of California girls going to Los Angeles for the weekend.  In back, there are 25 Coast Guard enlistees.  What would you do?"

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In a small mid western town, a man started the construction of a new tavern.  Since this was a very conservative town, and the prospects of having a drinking establishment there angered the residents, the local Baptist church started a campaign to block the bar from opening with petitions and prayers.

Work progressed, however right up till the week before opening, when a lightning strike hit the bar and it burned to the ground.

The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, till the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means.

The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the buildings demise in its reply to the court.

As the case made it's way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing and commented, "I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but as it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner that believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that doesn't!"

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A man was on a safari deep, deep in the jungle when he suddenly found himself surrounded by fierce-looking natives!  As they moved closer, he remembered an old trick he saw in a movie.

Quickly, pulling out his Bic lighter, he flicked the flame towards the leader of the natives.

Astonished, the leader jumped back several feet and gasped, "Wow!  That's incredible!"

"You'd better believe it's incredible," said the man, all the while waving the flame at him.

"It certainly is," says the leader.  I can't remember the last time I saw a lighter that worked the first time you flicked it!"

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The little boy who had been playing in the backyard all morning came through the kitchen door and said to his mother, "Who am I?"

His mother thoutht she was supposed to play some kind of guessing game and said, "Oh, I think you must be Tarzan."

"I guess Mrs. Wilson was right," he said.  "She said I was so dirty that even my own mother wouldn't recognize me."