To stop her 4 year-old daughter from biting her nails,
her moother tells her it will make her fat.
"I won't do it any more, Mom," says the
daughter.
The next day they are out walking when they meet a very
fat man. "If I bite my fingernails, I'll be as fat as that, won't I,
Mom?"
"You'll be fatter than that," says her mother.
They gey on a bus, and sitting opposite them is a very
pregnant lady. The little girl can't take her eyes off the woman's belly. The
pregnant lady feels increasingly uncomfortable under this stare, and
finally leans forward and says to the little girl, "Excuse me, but
do you know me?"
"No... but I know what you've been doing!"
-----------------------------
Paul was not the brightest guy around. Every day, when he
walked home from work, he would get stopped by three nasty men and they would
beat him up and steal his money.
Finally, Paul decided that it would serve his best
interest to walk a different route, but also take some self-defense classes so
this wouldn't happen again. He joined a karate class and soon was doing very
well with it.
One day, on the way home from work, Paul confidently
decided to take his old route home and, sure enough, there they were. He walked
up to them and the battle ensued.
The next afternoon, Paul went to his karate class with a
black eye, a broken nose and a busted lip. His instructor was shocked and asked
for an explanation.
"Well," explained Paul, "I took my old way
home last night so I could beat those guys up who used to steal my money."
His instructor said, "What happened?"
Paul replied, "They jumped me before I could get my
socks and shoes off!"
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