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Friday, September 26, 2014

Funny: Some jokes

After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church board following the close of the service.

The first man to arrive and greet the minister was a total stranger.

"You misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the board members," explained the minister.

"I know," said the man, "and if there is anyone here more bored than I am, then I'd like to meet him."


I overheard a friend telling his pal, "I can't break my wife of the habit of staying up until 5 in the morning."

"What is she doing?" the pal asked.

"Waiting for me to get home."


A man having lunch at a Chinese restaurant noticed that the table had been set with forks, not chopsticks. He asked why. The waiter said "Chopsticks were provided only on request."

"But," the man countered, "if you gave your patrons chop-sticks, you wouldn't have to pay someone to wash all the forks."

"True," the waiter shot back, "but we would have to hire three more people to clean up the mess."


Every time Peter's mother invited her lover to their home, she put Peter in the closet. One day her husband came home early, so her lover quickly hid in the closet with the boy.

"Hey, mister," Peter said, "it's kinda dark in here, isn't it?"

"Why, yes, as a matter of fact it is."

"Hey, you wouldn't want to buy my old baseball, would you? My dad just bought me a new one."

"No, you don't really need baseballs in my line of work."

"If you don't buy my baseball," Peter said, "I'll tell my dad where you are."

"All right, all right," the lover groaned, "I'll buy your damn baseball. How much is it?"

"Fifty dollars."

The man didn't want to pay fifty dollars for a baseball, but he decided he had no other choice. The boy figured he was on a roll, so he asked, "Hey, mister, you want to buy my glove?"

The lover didn't even bother arguing: "How much?"

"A hundred dollars!" The man had just finished paying up when the woman opened the door and said the coast was clear.

The next Sunday, the boy went to confession because he felt guilty for having conned his mother's lover out of a hundred and fifty bucks. "Hey, mister," he said, climbing into the confessional, "it's kinda dark in here, isn't it?"

The voice groaned, "Not you again!"

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