Funny - Some jokes

A rabbi, a minister, and a priest were playing poker when the police raided the game.  Turning to the priest, the lead police officer said, "Father Murphy, were you gambling?"

Turning his eyes to heaven, the priest whispered, "Lord, forgive me for what I am about to do.  "To the police officer, he then said, "No, officer; I was not gambling."

The officer then asked the minister, "Pastor Johnson, were you gambling?"

Again, after an appeal to heaven, the minister replied, "No, officer; I was not gambling."

Turning to the rabbi, the officer again asked, "Rabbi Goldstein, were you gambling?"

Shrugging his shoulders, the rabbi replied, "With whom?"

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Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room. After a while he emerged and informed his mother that he had thought it over and then said a prayer.

"Fine," said the pleased mother.  "If you ask God to help you not misbehave, He will help you."

"Oh, I didn't ask Him to help me not misbehave," said Johnny, "I asked Him to help you put up with me."

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The father was very proud when his son went off to college.  He came to tour the school on Parents' Day and observed his son hard at work in the chemistry lab.  "What are you working on?" he asked.

"A universal solvent," explained the son, "a solvent that'll dissolve anything and everything."

The father whistled, clearly impressed, then wondered aloud, "What'll you keep it in?"

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Shirley and Abe, a retired couple from New York City, living in Miami, are getting ready to go out to dinner.  Shirley says, "Abe, darling, do you want me to wear this Chanel suit or the Gucci?"

Abe says, "Do I care?"

A few minutes later Shirley says, "Abe, should I wear my Cartier watch or my Rolex?"

Abe says, "Who cares?"

A few more minutes pass and Shirley says, "Abe, love, shall I wear my five-carat pear diamond ring or my six-carat round diamond ring with the baguettes?"

Abe says, "Shirley, I really don't care what you wear, but if you don't move your butt, we're going to miss the Early Bird Special at McDonalds.