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Monday, September 22, 2014

Funny: Some jokes

Two rednecks were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring the models. One says to the other, "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?"

The second one replies, "Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!"

The first one says, with wide eyes, "Wow, they aren't very expensive. At this price, I'm buying one."

The second one smiles and pats him on the back. "Good idea! Order one and if she's as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too."

Three weeks later, the youngest redneck asks his friend, "Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalog?"

The second redneck replies, "No, but it shouldn't be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!"


A guy was filling out a job application at our place,  for a job on the shipping dock. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No."

The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question was, "Why?"

The guy, apparently not paying attention, answering it anyway wrote in, "Never got caught."


Our first day at a resort, my wife and I decided to hit the beach. When I went back to our room to get something to drink and found that one of the hotel maids was making our bed.

I grabbed my cooler and was on my way back out when I stopped at the door and asked, "Can we drink beer on the beach?"

"Sure," the maid replied, "but I have to finish the rest of the rooms first."


One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"

The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't, dear," she said. "I have to sleep with Daddy."

A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."


An old man went to the local bar, approached a very pretty, very young woman and asked, "Where have you been all my life?"

She gave him a raised eyebrow of disapproval and replied, "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."

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