Things You Don't Want To Hear At a July Fourth Weekend Barbecue

1. "I don't think that's mayonnaise in the cole slaw."

2. "My hot dog has a knuckle!"

3. "I'm afraid the only fireworks tonight are between me and your wife."

4. "All right, detainees, line up over here for your gitmo-style powdered
baked beans."

5. "Hey look, it's Earnest Borgnine - oh, sorry lady."

6. "I'd like to tell you why scientology is so important to me."

7. "Oh God, Letterman's shirtless again!"

8. "To give it a little 'kick,' I put charcoal starter in the punch!"

9. "Take a photo of me lighting this cigar with an M-80."

10. "Beef is great, but squirrel's so much cheaper."