Short jokes

Two nuns were shopping in a food store and happened to be passing the beer and liquor section. One asks the other if she would like a beer.

The other nun answered that would be good, but that she would feel uncomfortable about purchasing it.

The first nun said that she would handle it and picked up a six pack and took it to the cashier. The cashier had a surprised look and the first nun said, "The beer is used for washing our hair."

The cashier without blinking an eye, reached under the counter and put a package of pretzels in the bag with the beer saying, "Here, don't forget the curlers."

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Mrs. Siegal went into Bergdorf-Goodman's, called over a salesman, pointed to white wool designer dress on a mannequin, and said, "Hey Sonny boy, so how much is the dress on that store dummy over there?"

"That dress is $899.95, Madam," sneered the rather snooty salesman.

"Oy! For $99.95 I could get the same dress at Klein's downtown!"

"But Madam," said the salesman, "You'll find that the dress at Klein's is recycled wool. This original is 100% pure virgin wool."

"So for $800 I should be caring what the sheep do at night?"

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I've got 3 TVs, cable and a satellite dish. I have 3 phone lines in the house, a cell phone and a Blackberry. I use two computers, 3 ISPs and a fax. I subscribe to two daily papers and one weekly one. I watch both the local and network news every evening.

And my kids have the nerve to tell me I'm out of touch.

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Because they needed some help around the house, the minister's wife placed an ad for a manservant.

Around 8 a.m. the next morming a nicely dressed young man appears at their front door. "Can you fix breakfast by 7 am every day?" the minister asks the young man.

"Well...... I guess I can," came the bewildered reply.

"And can you make the beds, dust the living room, do the dishes, cut the grass, and polish the silver also," the minister continued.

"Gee, sir, I just came by to see about getting married. But if it's going to be that much work, you can count me out right now!"