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Saturday, April 5, 2008

MEN AND WOMEN, CELEB-STYLE

Ah, yes, divorce...from the Latin word meaning to 'rip out a man's genitals through his wallet'. -Robin Williams

Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself. -Roseanne

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. -Billy Crystal

According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful. -Robert De Niro

I am not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it. I don't know when I lost it. I don't think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss's job and don't want it. -Bill Cosby

In the last couple of weeks I have seen the ads for the Wonder Bra. Is that really a problem in this country? Men not paying enough attention to women's breasts? -Hugh Grant

We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight or if we can kill. I think we can. All the General has to do is walk over to the women and say, "You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms." -Elayne Boosler

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem? -Dustin Hoffman

When the sun comes up, I have morals again. -Elizabeth Taylor

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked." -Jerry Seinfield

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. -Rod Stewart

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. -Robin Williams

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