Quotes about religion

The only difference between saints and sinners is that every saint has a past while every sinner has a future. - Oscar Wilde

Theists think all gods but theirs are false. Atheists simply don't make an exception for the last one.

I don't question YOUR existence. - God

Man is certainly stark mad: He cannot make a flea, yet he makes gods by the dozens. - Montaigne

Preach the Gospel at all times. If necessary, use words. - St. Francis of Assisi

Professionals built the Titanic, amateurs built the Ark.

SATAN, SATAN! It's the main megafurnace! She's losin' power and the temperature is dropping fast! I'm not sure if I can hold her! - Scotty in Hell

Beliefs are like watches. Each trusts his own, but no two run the same. - The Pope

During the presidential campaign of 1880, the Christian Union made the startling admission that, of the nineteen men who, up to that time, had held the office of President of the United States, not one, with the possible exception of Washington, had ever been a member of a Christian church. - John Remsburg

If atheism is a religion, then health is a disease - Clark Adams

Is god willing to prevent evil but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing?

Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him god? - Epicurus (341-270 BCE)

Why Johnny Can't Read - Now available on VHS and multimedia CD-ROM!

For those of you who have children and don't know about it, we have a nursery downstairs. - On a church sign, Dallas

A diagnostic is someone who doesn't know whether there are two gods.

A dyslexic, agnostic insomniac - one who lies awake at night wondering if there really is a dog...

A good sermon should have a good beginning and a good ending, and they should be as close together as possible.

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

A religious war is like children fighting over who has the strongest imaginary friend.

Adam to Eve: I'll wear the plants in this family!

And it came to pass that in the hands of the ignorant, the words of the Bible were used to beat plowshares into swords - Alan Wilson Watts

And on the 8th day God said: "Ok Murphy, you take over."

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

Atheist achieving orgasm: Oh Random! Oh, Chance!

Beware of the Vampire Jesus - He gave his blood for you and he wants it all back now!

Blessed are the Fundamentalists, for they shall inhibit the earth.

Can priests turn other food into God, or only those little cookies?

Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them? - Jules Pfeiffer

Confession without repentance is just bragging. - Rev. Eugene Bolton

ERROR 666: Armageddon detected. Please restart universe and try again.

Every time someone predicts the date of the end of the world, God pushes the date back a little, just to be funny.