Quick jokes

I felt like my body had got totally out of shape, so following my doctor's advice, I joined a fitness club to start exercising.

I decided to start with an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, laid down, got up, gyrated, jumped up and down, pulled up, looked down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time my leotards were finally on, the class was over.

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A mother was showing her son how to zip up his coat. "The secret," she said, "is to get the left part of the zipper to fit in the other side before you try to zip it up."

The boy looked at her quizzically... "Why does it have to be a secret?"

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A man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to attend a meeting. He tried unsuccessfully to locate his car-pool members to let them know that he would not be leaving with them. Hastily he scribbled a message to one fellow and left it on his desk: "I have a last-minute meeting. Leave without me. Dave."

At 7:00 p.m., the man stopped at his desk and found this note: "Meet us at the bar and grill across the street, you idiot. You drove!"