MARRIAGE "MIRANDA" RIGHTS

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted AND MISUNDERSTOOD AND then used AND HELD against you FOREVER.

IF YOU GIVE UP THAT RIGHT YOU WILL BE PUNISHED FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE FOR WHAT SHE THOUGHT YOU MEANT BY WHAT YOU SAID WHEN YOU SHOULD HAVE EXERCISED YOUR RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT. (EVEN IF YOU MEANT THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHAT SHE THOUGHT YOU MEANT.)

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO AN ATTORNEY, ALTHOUGH THAT WON'T HELP. YOU'LL HAVE TO PAY THEM AND YOU'LL STILL LOSE EVERYTHING IN THE DIVORCE SETTLEMENT.

YOU CANNOT WIN-GIVE UP ALL HOPE AND JUST SHUT YOUR MOUTH-EVEN THOUGH YOU'LL BE PUNISHED FOR REMAINING SILENT-BECAUSE YOU'RE WRONG FOR NOT SAYING WHAT SHE THINKS YOU'RE THINKING.

REPEAT AFTER ME-"YES, DEAR!" ANYTHING ELSE WILL BE MISUNDERSTOOD, AND YOU WILL SUFFER FOR IT.