Jokes

1. The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express Praise for answered prayers. A lady stood and walked to the podium. She said, 'I have a Praise.' Two months ago, my husband, Jim, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed.
The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him.'
You could hear an audible gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Jim experienced.
She continued, 'Jim was unable to hold me or the children and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation. They were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Jim's scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place.'
Again, the men in the Congregation squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Jim. She continued, 'Now, Jim is out of the hospital and the doctor's say, with time, his scrotum should recover completely.' All the men sighed with relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if any one else had anything to say. A man rose and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Jim and I want to tell my wife, the word is 'sternum.' "



2. On a recent visit to Malawi , Mr Mbeki (President of South Africa) is met at the airport by the country's Minister of Harbours. It takes a while, but then Mr Mbeki realizes that this is actually quite absurd...after all, Malawi has no harbours - it is landlocked! In his state of confusion, he decides to find out what the story is...
At the official state banquet later that same night, he leans over across to the president and asks: "Mr President why do you have a Minister of Harbours when you don't have any harbours?"
The president looks Mr Mbeki straight in the eye and says: "Well, funny you should ask Mr Mbeki, I am just as puzzled as to why you have a Minister of Law and Order?"



3. An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are wandering through the desert, hungry and hallucinating, when they come upon a rotting, dead camel. "Well," said the Englishman, "I support the Liverpool football club, so I'll eat the liver."
"I support the Hearts club," said the Scotsman, "so I'll eat the heart." "I support Arsenal," said the Irishman, "but I seem to have lost my appetite."