Business Quotes:

Accomplishing the impossible only means the boss will add it to your regular duties.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Any simple problem can be made insoluble if enough meetings are held to discuss it.

Anything not worth doing is not worth doing well.

By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day. (Robert Frost)

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled. (Sir Barnett Cocks)

Doing nothing is tiring because you can't stop to rest.

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

Everyone rises to their level of incompetence. (Dr. Lawrence J. Peter - The Peter Principle)

The first thing a new employee should do on the job is learn to recognize his boss' voice on the phone. (Martin Buxbaum)

Go the extra mile--It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.

The Golden Rule of Bureaucracy: Whoever has the gold makes the rules.

Hang in there: Retirement is only 30 years away!

I always arrive late to work, but I make up for it by leaving early.

I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.

If we knew what we were doing it wouldn't be called research.

If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate you away from
those who are still undecided. (Casey Stengal)

The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.

A memorandum is not written to inform the reader but to protect the writer.
(Dean Acheson)

Of course I don't look busy...I did it right the first time!

Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

Who says nothing is impossible. I've been doing nothing for years.

Closer to Home Quotes:

His mind sees things differently than we do -- to our amazement and amusement. Here are some more of his gems!!!!!!!

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

Half the people you know are below average.

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

If everything seems to be going well you have obviously overlooked something.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.

I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film!!!!!!!!