Jokes

1. A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's
birthday and he hadn't bought her a present.

He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store
manager, "How much is that new Barbie in the window?"

The Manager replied, "Which one? We have
' Barbie goes to the gym' for $19.95,
'Barbie goes to the Ball' for $19.95,
'Barbie goes shopping' for $19.95,
' Barbie goes to the beach' for $19.95,
'Barbie goes to the Nightclub' for $19.95 and
'Divorced Barbie' for $375.00"

"Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00 when all the others are $19.95?, the
father asked.

The store manager replied: "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's
house, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat, Ken's furniture and all of Ken's
savings


2. A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic.

"Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the
middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins
splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't
swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"

A girl raised her hand and asked, "To draw out all his savings?"



3. Bubba applied for an engineering position at a Lake Charles
refinery.

A Yankee applied for the same job and both applicants having the same
qualifications were asked to take a test by the manager.

Upon completion of the test, both men only missed one of the
questions.

The manager went to Bubba and said: "Thank you for your interest but
we've decided to give the Yankee the job."

Bubba asked, "And why are you giving him the job? We both got nine
questions correct. This being Louisiana, and me being a Southern boy
I should get the job!"

The manager said, "We have made our decision not on the correct
answers, but rather on the one question that you both missed."

Bubba then asked; "And just how would one incorrect answer be better
than the other?"

The manager replied, "Bubba, it's like this... on question #4, the
Yankee put down, "I don't know."
And you put down, "Neither do I."


4. A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine when
the husband said, "I'll bet you can't tell me something
which will make me happy and sad at the same time."

The wife thought for a few moments, then said, "How much
you're willing to bet?"

"One hundred dollars!" said the boisterous husband.

"That's all?" inquired the wife.

"OK, two hundred."

"Not too sure of yourself, are you?" teased the wife.

Felling pretty good, the hubby announced, "Five hundred!"

The wife twinkled her nose and calmly said, "Your pecker
is bigger than your brother's."


5. An English anthropologist was doing research in an isolated African village, and the tribal chief asked if he would like to attend a trial his people were
conducting that afternoon.

"You'll be surprised," said the chief, "at how well we've copied your country's legal procedures. You see, we have read accounts of many English trials in your
newspapers, and incorporated them into our judicial system."

When the Brit arrived at the wooden constructed court-house, he was truly amazed to see how closely the African court officials resembled those of England. The
counsels were suitably attired in long black robes and the traditional white powdered wigs worn by all British jurists. Each argued his case with eloquence and in proper
judicial language. But he couldn't help being puzzled by the occasional appearance of a bare-breasted native girl running through the crowd waving her arms frantically.

After the trial, the anthropologist congratulated his host on what he had seen and then asked, "What was the purpose of having a semi nude woman run through the
courtroom during the trial?"

"I really don't know," confessed the Chief, "but in all the accounts we read in your papers about British trials, there was invariably mentioned something about
'an excited titter' running through the gallery."


6. The husband had just finished his book "Man of the House."

He stormed into the house and walked directly up to his wife.

Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law!

I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

His wife replied, "The funeral director ?"



7. In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men. Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think us women are weak, dumb, cantankerous...or what?"

"Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't pout when I yell at them."