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Friday, February 26, 2016

Funny: Some jokes

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside: The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"

My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."

Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"

He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."


Little Morris' 2nd grade class was on a field trip to a local police station.

At the station they saw photos of the 10 most wanted criminals. tacked to a bulletin board.

Morris pointed at a photo and asked if one of the photos was really that of a bad criminal.

" Yes " said a policeman, " He is a very dangerous person and we want to capture him very badly."

Morris looked puzzled and said, " So why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? "


Signs It's Way Too Hot

* The pizza you ordered is actually the same temperature that it came out of the oven when the delivery guy FINALLY gets it to your door.

* The water in your swimming pool can be used to cook vegetables.

* Cows give homogenized milk right there at the Dairy.

* Chickens lay hard boiled eggs.

* You can cook a full meal in your crock pot without ever plugging it in.

* The frozen pork loin you bought at the grocery on special is fully cooked by the time you get home and you only live a two minute drive from the store.

* The squash in your garden are fully cooked when you pick them.

* "Ice Cube" forced to change his name to "Wet Spot."

* Too late, you realize that killing someone for a Slurpee is probably a crime.

* Al Gore takes credit for inventing air conditioning.

* You shaved ten minutes off the morning commute by cooking breakfast on your dashboard on the way in.

* Your kids are toasting marshmallows -- by sticking them out the window.

* Water comes out of the "cold" faucet at the same temperature as the "hot" faucet.

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