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Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Funny: Some jokes

As a secret shopper for a large department store, my sister made purchases at various chains and then reported back to supervisors on the clerks' performances.

After a few weeks, I asked her if she was enjoying her new job.

"I love it!" she replied. "I'm getting paid for doing two of my favorite things in life--shopping and criticizing people."


Stumpy Grider and his Wife Martha were from Portland, Maine.

Every year they went to the Portland Fair, and every year Stumpy said "Ya know Mahtha, Ah'd like ta get a ride in that theah aihplane".

Every year Martha would say, "Ah know, Stumpy, but that aihplane ride costs ten dollahs... and ten dollahs is ten dollahs".

So Stumpy says "By Jeebahs, Mahtha, I'm 71 yeahs old, if I don't go this time I may nevah go".

Martha replies, "Stumpy, that theah aihplane ride is ten dollahs...and ten dollahs is ten dollahs".

So the pilot overhears them and says, "Folks, I'll make you a deal, I'll take you both up for a ride, and if you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say ONE word, I won't charge you, but just one word and it's ten dollars".

They agree and up they go... the pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard; he does it one more time, still he lands.

He turns to Stumpy as they come to a stop and says, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to make you holler out, but you didn't!"

And Stumpy replies, "Well, Ah was gonna say something when Mahtha fell out...but ten dollahs is ten dollahs!"


The new office-boy came into his boss's office and said, "I think you're wanted on the phone, sir."

"What do you mean, you think?" demanded the boss.

"Well, sir, the phone rang, I answered it and a voice said 'Is that you, you old fool?'" explained the boy.

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