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Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Funny: Some jokes

An old man was in his golden years, but that didn't stop him from trying to pick up the younger ladies.

He went to the local bar, approached a very pretty and very young woman and said, "Where have you been all my life?"

The young lady takes one glance at him and says, "For the first half of it, I wasn't even born yet." 


An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000" the jeweler said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."

"I know," said the old man, "But let me tell you about my weekend!


Toward the end of a church service, the minister asked the congregation, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"

All held up their hands except one small elderly lady.

"Mrs. Jones? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have an enemy in the world," she replied, smiling sweetly.

"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"

"I happen to be ninety-eight years young," she replied.

"Oh, Mrs. Jones, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have a single enemy?"

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said, "I outlived them all."

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