You are in the middle of some kind of project around the
house. Mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or
whatever. You are hot and sweaty. Covered in dirt or paint. You have your old
work clothes on. You know the outfit, shorts with the hole in crotch, old
t-shirt with a stain from who knows what and an old pair of tennis shoes. Right
in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to
run to Wal-Mart to get something required to complete the job. Depending on
your age you might do the following:
In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry
your hair, brush your teeth, floss and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in
the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know,
you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. You
went to school with the pretty girl running the register.
In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt.
Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your
hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a
shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the
register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.
In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long
enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes
and a hat Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you
don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart. Check yourself in the
mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the
register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.
In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off
your hands onto your shirt Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in
your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear
that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie running the
register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then
you remember the hat you have on is from your buddy's bait shop and it says,
"I Got Worms".
In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose
off the dog crap off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your
50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your
pants. The girl running the register may be cute but you don't have your
glasses on so you are not sure.
In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until
they have your prescriptions ready too. You don't even notice the dog crap on
your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind
her of her grandfather.
In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again.
Now you remember that you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wander
around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you
think someone called out your name. The old lady that greeted you at the front
door went to school with you.
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