Jokes

1. A man went fishing one day. He looked over the side of his boat and saw a snake with a frog in its mouth. Feeling sorry for the frog, he reached down, gently took the frog from the snake, and set the frog free. But then he felt sorry for the snake. He looked around the boat, but he had no food. All he had was a bottle of bourbon.

So he opened the bottle and gave the snake a few shots. The snake went off happy, the frog was happy, and the man was happy to have performed such good deeds. He thought everything was great until about ten minutes passed and he heard something knock against the side of the boat. With stunned disbelief, the fisherman looked down
and saw the snake was back with two frogs!


2. A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of
drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers.

I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of
Guinness back-to-back." The room is quiet, and no one takes up the Texan's
offer.

One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows
back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?" asks
the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness.
Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses, drinking
them all back-to-back.

The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.

The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin',
where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"

The Irishman replies, "Oh... I had to go to the pub down the street to see
if I could do it first."


3. After a Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go
out for a beer.

The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senior, I would like the
world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the
shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me
'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.


4. Two kids are talking to each other. One says, "I'm really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I'm worried sick!"

The other kid says, "What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you've got it made!"

The first kid says, "What if they try to escape?"



5. I was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany , where my husband was stationed in the military. As I checked in at the airport, the ticket agent asked me some standard security questions. "Has anyone given you any packages that you didn't pack yourself?" he asked.

I told him that my mother-in-law had given me a parcel to take to her son.

He looked at me very carefully and asked: "Does she like you?"

The guy from Coors says "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain
spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.

The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is
a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you
drinking a Guinness?"

The Guinness resident replies "Well, if you guys aren't drinking beer,
neither will I."