Jokes

1. My Uncle Ned, all alone, met a girl named Peggy. They fell in love, he promised her that he would give her diamonds, furs, and beautiful dresses. One day as they were walked down 5th Avenue in New York, they came upon a jewelery store under construction. Peggy looked at my Uncle Ned and said,"You promised me jewels." Uncle Ned proceeded
to pick up a fallen brick. He threw it through the window, pulled out and gave her a diamond necklace. As they strolled own 5th Avenue, they came upon a fur shop. Peggy looked at Uncle Ned and said, "You promised me furs." Uncle Ned picked up another brick, threw it through the window, pulled out a mink and gave it to Peggy. Strolling
down 5th Avenue again, they came upon a fashion store with beautiful dresses. Peggy said, "You promised me beautiful clothes."
Uncle Ned replied, "What do you think I am made of bricks?"


2. An elderly couple are watching the 700 Club. The evangelist is getting really worked up, and it's soon time for the healing portion of the show.
"If you believe in the healing power of the Lord, place on hand on the television, and one hand on the part of your body that ails you!" The old man places one hand on the television and one hand on his groin.
"Oh, don't be stupid!" says the old woman. "He said heal, not raise the dead!"