Jokes

1. A newlywed blonde phones her mother and sobs, "Steve doesn't appreciate the things I do for him."

"Now, now, dear," her mother replies, in an attempt to comfort her. "I'm sure it was all just a misunderstanding."

"No, mother," the young bride wails, "I bought a frozen turkey loaf for Thansgiving and he screamed at me because of the price."

"Well, that is being a little cheap," the mother agrees. "Those turkey rolls don't cost more than a few of dollars."

"It wasn't the cost of the turkey roll he was upset about, mother," says the blonde, "it was the airplane ticket."

"Airplane ticket?" What are you talking about?" asks the confused mother. "Why did you need an airplane ticket?"

"Well, mother," the blonde explains, "when I went to prepare the turkey roll, I checked the directions on the back. It said, 'Prepare from a frozen state', so I flew to Alaska!"



2. A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses the man wearing somewhat sloppy clothes, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"

The guy replies, "I'm Jack Thomas Jr., taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City." Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff. Then it's the minister's turn. He stands up tall and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's Church, for the last forty-three years."

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man before me was a taxi-driver, and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. Why, How can this be?"

Saint Peter, looks to the preacher and says, "Up here, we work by results,"

"While you preached, people slept. While Jack drove, people prayed."