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Sunday, January 11, 2015

Funny: Some jokes

A old snake goes to see his Doctor.

"Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days". The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.

The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed.

Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?"

"The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"


One afternoon my wife April rushed out of the house, forgetting her keys, and found herself locked out. There was nothing she could do but wait for me to come home.

She saw a neighbor who was outside raking leaves. "You locked yourself out?" he asked.

"Yeah, this is the second time since we moved in. After the first time we took an extra key and put it in a jar, then stuck it in a potted plant on the deck."

"So... what's the problem?"

"I took the plants in for the winter."


School:A place where Papa pays and Son plays.

Life Insurance:A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich..

Nurse:A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage:It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

Tears:The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

Lecture:An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"

Conference:The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise:The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Dictionary:A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room:A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Father:A banker provided by nature.

Boss:Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician:One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

Doctor:A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Classic:Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile:A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office:A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn:The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.:A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee:Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience:The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb:An invention to end all inventions.

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