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Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Funny: Some jokes

A manager is told by his doctor that he has to take on some sport so he decides to play tennis.

After a couple of weeks his secretary asks him how he's doing.

"It's going fine", the manager says, "When I'm on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me my brain immediately says: "To the corner! Back hand! To the net! Smash! Go back!"

"Really? What happens then?" the girl asks all enthusiastic.

"Then my body says: Who? Me? Don't talk nonsense!"


A grade school teacher gave the assignment to her class, that each student should think of a story and then a moral for that story to share with the class the next day. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story, and little Suzy raises her hand.

"My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road."

The teacher asks for the moral of the story and Suzy replies, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."

Next little Lucy offers to tell her story Lucy, and she says, "Well my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we
take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched."

The teacher asks for the moral of the story and Lucy replies, "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched."

Finally it's Little Johnny's turn and he says, "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed holding only a machine gun, a machete, and case of beer. And, on the way down he drank the case of beer."

"Unfortunately, he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but ran out of bullets, so he whipped out his machete and killed 20 more. Then the blade on his machete broke, so he had to kill the last ten men with his bare hands."

The teacher stares at Johnny her jaw frozen in shock. Finally she stammers "Is there possibly some moral to this story , Johnny"?

"Sure" Johnny replies, "Don't mess with uncle Ted when he's swallowed a case of beer."

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