Accessing protected documents in 'My Documents'

Q. Recently I have run across this problem several times. The persons XP-home PC has died. P/S tests bad but a new one produces no results either. Unplugging all cards etc also produces no results.
They have important files on the hard drive they would like to recover. I put the hard drive in another XP-home PC as the slave drive and try to access it. All data seems to be OK as well as the drive. But the problem is the person also had their User Profile password protected.
You can access and copy all files on the drive except their "My Documents" and of course that is where everything they consider important stored. Is there a workaround for this???

Ans: I booted to safe mode, logged in as administrator. then to My Computer.
From there I tried it in stages 1 at a time.

1. Tried to access the the folder in question that was password protected on the "old" drive. Still could not access.

2. Right-clicked on the drive and chose Security, then tried to take ownership of the "users" folder under "Documents and Settings". This allowed me to access the folder in question while still in "Safe Mode", then I rebooted to normal.

3. After reboot, the files were still not accessible so I booted safe mode again and repeated step 2 and then chose sub-folders under "My Documents" and changed ownership from that level and rebooted again.

4. This time all worked as planned. I copied all files to a more convenient location and then placed a shortcut on the desktop for the user.

Male and female insterility

Female Sterility

Infertility in females refers to the incapacity to conceive and give birth to a living baby. Infertility or failure to reproduce must be distinguished from frigidity which denotes failure to perform the sex act or performing it imperfectly.

Female infertility symptoms Psychological factors can result in various female sterility symptoms Psychological factors like emotional stress, tension, mental depression, anxiety, and fear may also result in psychosomatic sterility. This condition is generally temporary and can be corrected by psychotherapy

Causes Of Infertility In Men:
1.Any current medical illness.
2.Medical history (mumps, sexually transmitted diseases).
3.Surgical history (operations on testes, inguinal hernia repair).
4.Occupation (exposure to excessive heat, toxins).
5.Drugs (chemotherapy) .
6.Smoking, alcohol indigestion.
7.Erectile or ejaculatory difficulties.

Causes Of Infertility In Women:
Age is an important factor in female sub-fertility. Increasing age reduces fertility in women and also the likelihood of successful treatment.Even in a younger woman, a depleted ovarian reserve will reduce natural fertility. Some other reasons.
1.Gynaecological conditions-ovulatio n failure-oligomenorr hoea or amenorrhoea, tubal damage, cervical mucous defects, uterine fibroids, endometriosis, etc.
2.Coital infrequency and poor timing.
3.Menstrual irregularities.
4.Pelvic infection(current or past).
5.Current medical illness like Tuberculosis.
6.Smoking, alcohol indigestion.

All about wrinkles

Wrinkles

Wrinkles are delicate creases caused by thin, sagging skin. These are especially visible on the face, neck and hands. Wrinkles appear when the collagen and elastin present in the connective tissue of the skin is weakened or decrease in number. Skin that has suffered such damage appears thinner, loses fat content, elasticity and smoothness.

Symptoms for wrinkled skin: Some of the symptoms of wrinkled skin are -

Lined and creased skin
Sagging skin
Areas that are more affected include sensitive skin near the eyes, lips and neck.

Though some creases are temporary, they may become deeper and more permanent due to ageing. Wrinkles occur due to ageing process
Though wrinkles are a part and parcel of the ageing process, premature wrinkles are a cause of concern for many. Some of the common causes of wrinkles on skin are -

Over exposure to sun - The damage caused by the ultraviolet rays of the sun is known as photoageing.

Smoking - Smoking hastens the ageing process. The large amount of free radicals produced by cigarette smoke is one of the biggest culprits for premature wrinkles. Free radicals can play havoc with the skin, damaging it to an alarming extent.

Pollution - Environmental factors such as exposure to air pollutants, dust, chemicals and harsh lights can cause wrinkles on skin over a period of time.

Repeated motions such as squinting can cause wrinkles around the eyes. These are referred to as "crow's feet". Smiling and frowning can also cause laugh lines around the mouth or frown lines on the forehead.

Drug use

Stress

Weight Loss - Rapid weight loss can cause wrinkles as the volume of the fat cells (which have a cushioning effect) are drastically reduced. This causes the skin to sag and crease.

Loss of Vitamin E - Depletion of this important vitamin can cause the skin quality to deteriorate.


Home Remedies for wrinkle on skin
Here are some simple home remedies to deal with wrinkles on skin and prevent the formation of new ones.

Mix 1 teaspoon of raspberry juice with one teaspoon of orange juice. Add one teaspoon of olive oil, whipped egg yolk and 2 tablespoons of grind oatmeal. Wait for 20 minutes and smear on face. Wait until it gets dry and wash off with warm water.

Grind an onion and Rub on face to loose the wrinkles.

Mix 2 tablespoons of Vodka with 1 tablespoon of fennel seeds and half a teaspoon of honey. Boil and then refrigerate for 3 days. Apply on face with a cotton ball and wash off with warm water.

Apply egg whites to the skin under your eyes.

Odor-free castor oil can be applied to the skin under the eyes or on that of the throat.

Empty the contents of 3 Vitamin E capsules into a small bowl. Add to this 2 tsps plain yogurt, 1/2 tsp honey and 1/2 tsp lemon juice. Apply this mixture on the face using a cotton ball. Leave it on for 10 minutes and rinse.

A mixture of 1/4 cup comfrey infusion, 1/4 cup witch hazel and 10 drops of patchouli essential oil is effective in treating wrinkles. This can be stored in a clean bottle and applied on affected areas with a cotton ball.

Gently massage coconut oil on portions of skin prone to wrinkles every night a bedtime.

A paste of turmeric made with sugarcane juice is great to get rid of wrinkles and slow skin ageing.

Cut a green Thompson seedless grape in half and gently crush it on your face on the wrinkles. Leave it for 20 minutes and rinse with warm water and let it dry in natural air.

Rub the core of pineapple on the face and leave it for 10-15 minutes before rinsing off. This works well on fine wrinkles.

Applying juice of green pineapples and apples on the face daily for 10-15 minutes is good for fine wrinkles and cracked skin.

Application of pure castor oil regularly prevents wrinkles.

Cucumber juice can be effective in alleviating age spot skin problems.
Fresh Papaya juice can remove dead and rough skin, and apple and pineapple juices can help to diminish fine lines, wrinkles and cracked skin.
Regular facial is very necessary to control wrinkles.
Massage increases blood circulation, which results in tightening of the muscles and tissues, thereby, reducing the fleshiness of the skin and restoring a young look.
Apply lemon juice few times a day to reduce the blemishes and age spots
Prepare a paste of turmeric powder with sugarcane juice and apply to the face to remove wrinkles and to prevent skin ageing.
Cut a Green Thompson seedless grape in half and gently crush it on your face at wrinkles (lines). Leave it on for 20 minutes and rinse with warm water and let it dry in natural air. This is very effective home remedy for wrinkles and they will disappear shortly.
Rub the core of pineapple on the face for a few minutes and leave for 10-15 minutes. This is excellent for fine wrinkles.
Apply juice of green pineapples and apples the face daily and leave for 10-15 minutes. This is excellent for fine wrinkles and cracked skin.
Apply pure castor oil to prevent wrinkles
Applying a good quality cream with a firm pressure with the fleshy tips of fingers. Do not apply pressure around eyes. Continue massage for 15 minutes.
For wrinkle treatment wipe off the face with wet cotton.
For fast removal of wrinkles, massage with your all the fingers of both the hands rapidly with rapid circular motion.
For wrinkles on jaw, pinch the skin between your thumb and fingers. Pinching is also good if you have double chin.
Massage coconut oil into the skin where wrinkles appear before bed.
Leave metal spoons overnight in the freezer. In the morning when you first wake up, apply the backs of spoons under the eye to reduce under-eye wrinkles. This also helps with under-eye circles.
Eat a spoonful of shredded ginger with some honey every morning for wrinkle cure.
Mix two tablespoons vodka, a tablespoon fennel seeds, and 2 teaspoons honey, and let sit for three days. Strain out the fennel seeds and use as a toner on the face.
Remove wrinkles from the face by simmering 1/2-cup rosemary leaves in 2 cups of water for about 30 minutes. Add 1/2 cup of brandy and leave on for 10-15 minutes. Strain and wipe onto skin every morning and evening to preserve a face free of lines Wash face thoroughly and pat dry. This is also very effective home remedy for wrinkles
Eat a balanced diet including fruits, vegetables, whole grain foods, seeds, nuts and legumes.
Drink plenty of fluid every day. This help to keep the skin hydrated and to flush away toxins.
Avoid alcohol, caffeine and cigarettes; they dry the skin encouraging the development of wrinkles. Also the smoking habit uses the lips muscles hundreds of times a day, which contributes wrinkling.
Always protect your skin from the sun applying a sunscreen
Prick 3 capsules of vitamin E and drain into small bowl. Add 2 tsps plain yogurt, 1/2 tsp honey and 1/2 tsp. lemon juice. Apply to face with cotton ball. Leave on skin for about 10 minutes. Rinse.
For wrinkle cure apply egg yolk once in a week for 10 minutes.
Prepare a mixture of honey, olive oil and cream. Apply it on the face. It gives very good results.

Balanced diet
The role of a balanced diet for a healthy, youthful looking skin cannot be undermined. A diet rich in fresh fruits, vegetables and whole grains paves the way for a wrinkle-free skin.

Flax seed oil is an excellent wrinkle cure agent. Take a tablespoon of flax seed oil 4 times a day. This may cause diarrhea, so make sure your body is used to taking flax seed oil.

Consume at least 4-6 liters of water everyday. This is the best way to hydrate and moisturize your skin from within.

Other suggestions for Wrinkles
More smiling, less squinting and frowning are ways to keep your face young, wrinkle-free and attractive.

Use natural moisturizing creams and lotions regularly. Light massage with cream or lotion every night can keep your skin soft and supple.

Use a good quality sunscreen lotion whenever you go out in the sun.



Warning: The reader of this article should exercise all precautionary measures while following instructions on the home remedies from this article. Avoid using any of these products if you are allergic to it. The responsibility lies with the reader and not with the site or the writer.

5 Toughest Questions Women ask

5 Toughest Questions Women ask

Here are answers to 5 of the toughest questions women ask. There are five things that women should never, ever ask a guy, according to an article in last April"s issue of Sassy magazine. The five questions are:

1 - "What are you thinking?"
2 - "Do you love me?"
3 - "Do I look fat?"
4 - "Do you think she is prettier than me?"
5 - "What would you do if I died?"

What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answer properly, which is to say dishonestly. For example:

1 - "What are you thinking?"
The proper answer to this question, of course is,
"I"m sorry if I"ve been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you."
Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy was really thinking at the time, which was most likely one of five things:
Baseball
Football
How fat you are.
How much prettier she is than you.
How he would spend the insurance money if you died.
According to the Sassy article, the best answer to this stupid question came from Al Bundy, of Married With Children, who was asked it by his wife, Peg. "If I wanted you to know," Al said, "I"d be talking instead of thinking."
The other questions also have only one right answer but many wrong answers:

2 - "Do you love me?"
The correct answer to this question is, "Yes."
For those guys who feel the need to be more elaborate, you may answer, "Yes, dear"..
Wrong answers include:

I suppose so.
Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
That depends on what you mean by "love".
Does it matter?
Who, me?

3 - "Do I look fat?"
The correct male response to this question is to confidently and emphatically state,
"No, of course not" and then quickly leave the room.
Wrong answers include:

I wouldn"t call you fat, but I wouldn"t call you thin either.
Compared to what?
A little extra weight looks good on you.
I"ve seen fatter.
Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.

4 - "Do you think she"s prettier than me?"
The "she" in the question could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you were starring at so hard thay you almost cause a traffic accident or an actress in a movie you just saw. In any case, the correct response is, "No, you are much prettier."
Wrong answers include:

Not prettier, just pretty in a different way.
I don"t know how one goes about rating such things.
Yes, but I bet you have a better personality.
Only in the sense that she"s younger and thinner.
Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.

5 - "What would you do if I died?"
Correct answer:
"Dearest love, in the event of your untimely demise, life would cease to have meaning for me and I would perforce hurl myself under the front tires of the first Domino"s Pizza truck that came my way."

Wrong closing answer !
"Dear," said the wife. "What would you do if I died?" "Why, dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband. "Why do you ask such a question?" "Would you remarry?" persevered the wife. "No, of couse not, dear" said the husband. "Don"t you like being married?" said the wife. "Of course I do, dear" he said. "Then why wouldn"t you remarry?" "Alright," said the husband, "I"d remarry." "You would?" said the wife, looking vaguely hurt. "Yes" said the husband. "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" said the wife after a long pause. "Well yes, I suppose I would.." replied the husband. "I see," said the wife indignantly. "And would you let her wear my old clothes?" "I suppose, if she wanted to" said the husband. "Really," said the wife icily. "And would you take down the pictures of me and replace them with pictures of her?" "Yes. I think that would be the correct thing to do." "Is that so?" said the wife, leaping to her feet. "And I suppose you"d let her play with my golf
clubs, too." "Of course not, dear," said the husband. "She"s left-handed. "

Thoughts for New Year

It is always nice to take a step back and think about some of the happiest times of your life. It doesn't matter how old you, you can always reflect on these moments because they never slip away from your memory. These times could be specific experiences or feelings that you felt which spark kind memories which can soothe any pain and rescue a long lost smile.

For some these memories might be the first time they met their one true love. A time when nervousness met excitement and words came out jumbled. We have all had that experience where our heart is going to jump out of our shirt because we are so happy and so excited to be with that one person.

Latest Happy New Year Greeting Cards
Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go.
Each age has deemed the new-born year The fittest time for festal cheer.
Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.
Glory to God in highest heaven, Who unto man His Son hath given;
While angels sing with tender mirth, A glad new year to all the earth.
A new oath holds pretty well; but... when it is become old, and frayed out, and damaged by a dozen annual retryings of its remains, it ceases to be serviceable; any little strain will snap it.
But can one still make resolutions when one is over forty? I live according to twenty-year- old habits.
I do think New Year's resolutions can't technically be expected to begin on New Year's Day, don't you? Since, because it's an extension of New Year's Eve, smokers are already on a smoking roll and cannot be expected to stop abruptly on the stroke of midnight with so much nicotine in the system. Also dieting on New Year's Day isn't a good idea as you can't eat rationally but really need to be free to consume whatever is necessary, moment by moment, in order to ease your hangover. I think it
would be much more sensible if resolutions began generally on January the second.
New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive.
We meet today To thank Thee for the era done, And Thee for the opening one.
One resolution I have made, and try always to keep, is this: To rise above the little things.
Of all sound of all bells... most solemn and touching is the peal which rings out the Old Year.
A happy New Year! Grant that I May bring no tear to any eye.
When this New Year in time shall end Let it be said I've played the friend,
Have lived and loved and labored here, And made of it a happy year.
It wouldn't be New Year's if I didn't have regrets.
We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives... not looking for flaws, but for potential.

May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions.

New Year's wishes

At the sound of the tolling midnight bell, a brand new year will begin. Let's raise our hopes in a confident toast, to the promise it ushers in.

May your battles be few, your pleasures many, your wishes and dreams fulfilled.
May your confidence stand in the face of loss and give you the strength to rebuild.

May peace of heart fill all your days, may serenity grace your soul.
May tranquil moments bless your lifeand keep your spirit whole.

"As you go through the days of the year ahead, busy with all the respomsibilities the world has placed upon you, remember to keep the trult speical things in mind.

Keep things in perspective: work, play, learning,living. Have happiness as part of your priorities!
Be creative and aware and wonderfully alive.
And always remember where to find your smile.

New journey awaits you in the coming year.
Decisions lie ahead, wondering what will you do, where you will go, how will you choose when the choices are yours. Work for the ability to choose wisely, to prosper, to succeed. Let the roads that you travel take you to the beautiful places, and have the faith it takes to achieve and aspire

Hope your tomorrows take you to the summit of your goals, and your joys take you even higher."

Some recipe sites

Some recipe sites:

http://www.recipezaar.com/

http://www.recipesecrets.net/home.html?hop=geotev1

http://www.recipelink.com/copycat.html

http://copycat.cdkitchen.com/

Joke

Don't Disgrace your Family
There was a virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it. Her grandmother says, "Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys.”He is going to try to kiss you; you are going to like that, but don't
let him do that."
She continued, "He is going to try to feel your breast; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that. He is going to try to put his hand between your legs; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that.
Then the grandmother said, "But, most importantly, he is going to try to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like that, but don't let him do that. It will disgrace the family."
With that bit of advice in mind, the granddaughter went on her date and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it. The next day she told her grandmother that her date went just as the old lady said.
She said, "Grandmother,! I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he tried, I turned him over, got on top of him and disgraced his family."

Joke

Ma and Pa

Ma and Pa, two mountain folk living up in the hills of West Virginia out on a farm, found out that the hole under the outhouse was full. Pa tells Ma he doesn't know what to do about the problem or how to empty the hole. Ma suggests, "Why don't you go ask the young'n down the road? He must be smart 'cause he's goin' to college."
So Pa visits the neighbor's house and asks, "My outhouse hole is full, and I don't know what to do to empty it." The youngster tells him, "Get yourself two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. Put them both under the outhouse and light them both at the same time. - The first one will go off and shoot the outhouse up into the air. While it's in the air the second one will then go off and spread the poop all across your farm, fertilizing your ground for ya. The outhouse should then come back down to land on the same spot atop the now-empty hole.”
Pa thanks the boy, drives to the hardware store, buys some dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. returns home and puts them under the outhouse. He lights them and runs behind the closest big tree, when all of a sudden, Ma comes running out of the house and runs into the outhouse!
Before Pa can react, off goes the first stick of dynamite ... shooting the outhouse high in up in the air. BOOM! Off goes the second stick of dynamite ... spreading poop all over the farm. WHAM! The outhouse comes crashing back down atop the hole.....
Pa races to the outhouse, throws open the door and hollers, "Ma, are you all right??!!"
As she pulls up her skirts Ma says... "Yep. I guess so, but I sure am glad I didn't fart in the kitchen !!

Indian ancient Polititian Chanakya's Quotes

Indian ancient Polititian Chanakya's Quotes - Worth reading a million times

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"A person should not be too honest.
Straight trees are cut first
and Honest people are victimised first."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC 75 BC)

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"Even if a snake is not poisonous,
it should pretend to be venomous."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)

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"The biggest guru-mantra is: Never share your secrets with anybody. ! It will destroy you."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)

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"There is some self-interest behind every friendship.
There is no Friendship without self-interests.
This is a bitter truth."

Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)

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"Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions - Why am I doing it, What the results might be and Will I be successful. Only when you think deeply
and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go ahead."

Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)

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"As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it."

Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)

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"Once you start a working on something,
don't be afraid of failure and
don't abandon it.
People who work sincerely are the happiest."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275BC)

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"The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind.
But the goodness of a person spreads in all direction."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275BC)

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"A man is great by deeds, not by birth."

Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275BC)

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"Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years.
For the next five years, scold them.
By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend.
Your grown up children are your best friends."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275BC)

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"Books are as useful to a stupid person
as a mirror is useful to a blind person."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275BC)

Quotes from Warren Buffet

1. If past history was all there was to the game, the richest people would be librarians.
2. In the business world, the rearview mirror is always clearer than the windshield.
3. It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you'll do things differently.
4. It's better to hang out with people better than you. Pick out associates whose behavior is better than yours and you'll drift in that direction.
5. It's far better to buy a wonderful company at a fair price than a fair company at a wonderful price.
6. Let blockheads read what blockheads wrote.
7. Look at market fluctuations as your friend rather than your enemy; profit from folly rather than participate in it.
8. Of the billionaires I have known, money just brings out the basic traits in them. If they were jerks before they had money, they are simply jerks with a billion dollars.
9. Only buy something that you'd be perfectly happy to hold if the market shut down for 10 years.
10. When a management with a reputation for brilliance tackles a business with a reputation for bad economics, it is the reputation of the business that remains intact.
11. Why not invest your assets in the companies you really like? As Mae West said, "Too much of a good thing can be wonderful".
12. Wide diversification is only required when investors do not understand what they are doing.
13. You do things when the opportunities come along. I've had periods in my life when I've had a bundle of ideas come along, and I've had long dry spells. If I get an idea next week, I'll do something. If not, I won't do a damn thing.
14. You only have to do a very few things right in your life so long as you don't do too many things wrong.
15. Your premium brand had better be delivering something special, or it's not going to get the business.
16. Only when the tide goes out do you discover who's been swimming naked.
17. Our favorite holding period is forever.
18. Our favourite holding period is forever.
19. Price is what you pay. Value is what you get.
20. Risk comes from not knowing what you're doing.
21. Risk is a part of God's game, alike for men and nations.
22. Rule No.1: Never lose money. Rule No.2: Never forget rule No.1
23. Should you find yourself in a chronically leaking boat, energy devoted to changing vessels is likely to be more productive than energy devoted to patching leaks.
24. The business schools reward difficult complex behavior more than simple behavior, but simple behavior is more effective. The first rule is not to lose. The second rule is not to forget the first rule.
25. The investor of today does not profit from yesterday's growth.
26. The only time to buy these is on a day with no "y" in it.
27. The smarter the journalists are, the better off society is. For to a degree, people read the press to inform themselves-and the better the teacher, the better the student body.
28. Time is the friend of the wonderful company, the enemy of the mediocre.
29. Value is what you get.
30. We believe that according the name 'investors' to institutions that trade actively is like calling someone who repeatedly engages in one-night stands a 'romantic.'
31. We enjoy the process far more than the proceeds.
32. We simply attempt to be fearful when others are greedy and to be greedy only when others are fearful.
33. When a management team with a reputation for brilliance tackles a business with a reputation for bad economics, it is the reputation of the business that remains intact.
34. A public-opinion poll is no substitute for thought.
35. Chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken.
36. I always knew I was going to be rich. I don't think I ever doubted it for a minute.
37. I am quite serious when I say that I do not believe there are, on the whole earth besides, so many intensified bores as in these United States. No man can form an adequate idea of the real meaning of the word, without coming here.
38. I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.
39. I don't look to jump over 7-foot bars: I look around for 1-foot bars that I can step over.
40. I never attempt to make money on the stock market. I buy on the assumption that they could close the market the next day and not reopen it for five years.
41. If a business does well, the stock eventually follows.

What's the difference between TOPLINE & BOTTOMLINE Growth?

Topline = Sales, Revenue or Turnover

Bottomline = EPS, PAT, Net-Income

Growth of either numbers is a comparison to previous quarter numbers, previous year numbers or previous half numbers to the current equivalent comparisons......

Q1 Topline vs Q1 Topline (prev fy year)

Alcohol Consumption Warning

Alcohol Consumption Warning

- The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

- The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.

- The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

- The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

- The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

- The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

- The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your behind kicked.

- The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead/knees.

- The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

- The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

- The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

THE TWELVE PAINS OF CHRISTMAS

THE TWELVE PAINS OF CHRISTMAS

The first thing at Christmas,
That's such a pain to me:
Is finding a Christmas tree.

The second thing at Christmas,
That's such a pain to me:
Rigging up the lights.
And finding a Christmas tree.

The third thing at Christmas
That's such a pain to me:
Hangovers.
Rigging up the lights.
And finding a Christmas tree.

The fourth thing at Christmas,
That's such a pain to me:
Sending Christmas cards.
Hangovers.
Rigging up the lights.
And finding a Christmas tree.

The fifth thing at Christmas
That's such a pain to me:
Five month of bills!
Sending Christmas cards.
Hangovers.
Rigging up the lights.
And finding a Christmas tree.

The sixth thing at Christmas
That's such a pain to me:
Facing my in-laws.
Five months of bills.
Oh, I hate those Christmas cards.
Hangovers.
Rigging up these lights.
And finding a Christmas tree.

The seventh thing a Christmas,
that's such a pain to me:
The Salvation Army.
Facing my in-laws.
Five months of bills!
Sending Christmas cards.
Ohhh geeez.
I'm tryin to rig up these lights!
And finding a Christmas tree.

The eighth thing at Christmas,
that's such a pain to me:
I want a transformer for Christmas.
Charities, and what do you mean YOUR in-laws?!
Five months of bills.
Ughh, makin' up these cards.
oh, Edith get me a beer huh?
What we have no extension cords?!
And finding a Christmas tree.

The ninth thing at Christmas
that's such a pain to me:
Finding parking spaces,
Daddy, I want some candy!
Donations!
Facing my in-laws.
Five months of bills.
Writing out those Christmas cards.
Hangovers.
Now why the hell are they blinking?!
And finding a Christmas tree.

The tenth thing at Christmas
That's such a pain to me:
Batteries not included.
No parking spaces.
Buy me something!
Get a job you bum!
Facing my in-laws.
Five months of bills.
Yo-ho sending Christmas cards.
Oh-geez look at this.
One light goes out, they all go out!
And finding a Christmas tree.

The eleventh thing at Christmas
That's such a pain to me:
Stale T.V. specials.
Batteries not included.
No parking spaces
Mom, I gotta go bathroom!
Charities!
She's a witch, I hate her.
Five months of bills.
Oh, I don't even know half these people!
Oh, who has the toilet paper, huh?
Turn on a flashlight, I blew a fuse!
And finding a Christmas tree.

The twelfth thing at Christmas
that's such a pain to me:
Singing Christmas carols.
Stale T.V. specials.
Batteries not included.
No parking!
*Crying*
Charities.
Gotta make 'em dinner.
Five months of bills.
I'm not sending 'em this year, that's it!
Shut up, you!
Fine, you're so smart! You rig up the lights!
And finding a Christmas tree.

Joke

GOLFING ON CHRISTMAS DAY

Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument, go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.
His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning." Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course.
The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it."
Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton,too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."
Number 3 guy says "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual."
They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they have lost their minds. "I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I woke up, slapped my wife on the butt and said, 'Well babe, Merry Christmas! It's a great morning for either sex or golf." and she said "Take a sweater.

INFANT DISCOVERED IN BARN, CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES LAUNCH PROBE

BETHLEHEM STORY

This news story just in from Bethlehem ....

INFANT DISCOVERED IN BARN, CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES LAUNCH PROBE

Nazareth Carpenter Being Held On Charges Involving Underage Mother

Bethlehem, Judea - Authorities were today alerted by a concerned citizen who noticed a family living in a barn. Upon arrival, Family Protective Service personnel, accompanied by police, took into protective care an infant child named Jesus, who had been wrapped in strips of cloth and placed in a feeding trough by his 14-year old mother, Mary of Nazareth.
During the confrontation, a man identified as Joseph, also of Nazareth, attempted to stop the social workers. Joseph, aided by several local shepherds and some unidentified foreigners, tried to forestall efforts to take the child, but were restrained by the police.
Also being held for questioning are three foreigners who allege to be wise men from an eastern country. The INS and Homeland Security officials are seeking information about these who may be in the country illegally. A source with the INS states that they had no passports, but were in possession of gold and other possibly illegal substances. They resisted arrest saying that they had been warned by God to avoid officials in Jerusalem and to return quickly to their own country. The chemical substances in their possession will be tested.
The owner of the barn is also being held for questioning. The manager Bethlehem Inn faces possible revocation of his license for violating health and safety regulations by allowing people to stay in the stable. Civil authorities are also investigating the zoning violations involved in maintaining livestock in a commercially-zoned district.
The location of the minor child will not be released, and the prospect for a quick resolution to this case is doubtful. Asked about when Jesus would be returned to his mother, a Child Protective Service spokesperson said, "The father is middle-aged and the mother definitely underage. We are checking with officials in Nazareth to determine what their legal relationship is.
Joseph has admitted taking Mary from her home in Nazareth because of a census requirement. However, because she was obviously pregnant when they left, investigators are looking into other reasons for their departure. Joseph is being held without bond on charges of molestation, kidnapping, child endangerment, and statutory rape.
Mary was taken to the Bethlehem General Hospital where she is being examined by doctors. Charges may also be filed against her for endangerment. She will also undergo psychiatric evaluation because of her claim that she is a virgin and that the child is from God.
The director of the psychiatric wing said, "I don't profess to have the right to tell people what to believe, but when their beliefs adversely affect the safety and well-being of others - in this case her child - we must consider her a danger to others. The unidentified drugs at the scene didn't help her case, but I'm confidant that with the proper therapy regiment we can get her back on her feet."
A spokesperson for the governor's office said, "Who knows what was going through their heads? But regardless, their treatment of the child was inexcusable, and the involvement of these others frightening. There is much we don't know about this case, but for the sake of the child and the public, you can be assured that we will pursue this matter to the end."

MERRY CHRISTMAS IN 78 LANGUAGES

MERRY CHRISTMAS IN 78 LANGUAGES

1. Afrikaans - 'n Geseende Kersfees en 'n voorspoedige Nuwejaar

2. Afrikander - Een Plesierige Kerfees

3. Albanian - Gezuar Krishtlindje

4. American - Merry Christmas

5. Arabic - I'D MIILAD SAID OUA SANA SAIDA

6. Armenian - Shenoraavor Nor Dari yev Pari Gaghand

7. Azeri - Tezze Iliniz Yahsi Olsun

8. Basque - Zorionstsu Eguberri. Zoriontsu Urte Berri On

9. Bengali - Bodo Din Shubh Lamona

10. Bohemian - Vesele Vanoce

11. Breton - Nedeleg laouen na bloavezh mat

12. Bulgarian - Tchestita Koleda; Tchestito Rojdestvo Hristovo

13. Celtic Nadolig Llawen a Blwyddyn Newydd Dda

14. Chinese - (Mandarin) Kung His Hsin Nien bing Chu Shen Tan

15. Chinese - (Catonese) Gun Tso Sun Tan'Gung Haw Sun

16. (Hong Kong) Kung Ho Hsin Hsi. Ching Chi Shen Tan

17. Cornish - Nadelik looan na looan blethen noweth

18. Cree - Mitho Makosi Kesikansi

19. Croatian - Sretan Bozic

20. Czech - Prejeme Vam Vesele Vanoce a stastny Novy Rok

21. Danish - Gladelig Jul

22. Dutch - Vrolijk Kerstfeest en een Gelukkig Nieuwjaar!

23. English - Merry Christmas

24. Esperanto - Gajan Kristnaskon

25. Estonian - Roomsaid Joulu Puhi

26. Farsi - Cristmas-e-shoma mobarak bashad

27. Finnish - Hyvaa Joulua

28. French - Joyeux Noel

29. Frisian - Noflike Krystdagen en in protte Lok en Seine yn it Nije Jier!

30. German - Froehliche Weihnachten

31. Greek - Kala Christouyenna!

32. Hawaiian - Mele Kalikimaka

33. Hebrew - Mo'adim Lesimkha. Chena tova

34. Hindi - Bada Din Mubarak Ho

35. Hungarian - Kellemes Karacsonyi unnepeket

36. Icelandic - Gledileg Jol

37. Indonesian - Selamat Hari Natal

38. Iraqi - Idah Saidan Wa Sanah Jadidah

39. Irish - Nollaig Shona Dhuit

40. Italian - Buone Feste Natalizie

41. Japanese - Shinnen omedeto. Kurisumasu Omedeto

42. Kala Khristougena kai Eftikhes to Neon Etos

43. Korean - Sung Tan Chuk Ha

44. Latvian - Priecigus Ziemas Svetkus un Laimigu Jauno Gadu

45. Lettish - Priecigus Ziemassvetkus

46. Lithuanian - Linksmu Kaledu

47. Manx - Nollick ghennal as blein vie noa

48. Maori - Meri Kirihimete

49. Marathi - Shub Naya Varsh

50. Navajo - Merry Keshmish

51. Northern Sotho Matlhatse le matlhogonolo mo ngwageng o moswa.

52. Norwegian - God Jul Og Godt Nytt Aar

53. Pennsylvania German - En frehlicher Grischtdaag un en hallich Nei Yaahr!

54. Polish - Wesolych Swiat Bozego Narodzenia

55. Portuguese - Feliz Natal

56. Rapa-Nui - Mata-Ki-Te-Rangi. Te-Pito-O-Te-Henua

57. Romanian - Craciun Fericit

58. Russian - Pozdrevlyayu s prazdnikom Rozhdestva i s Novim Godom

59. Serbian - Hristos se rodi

60. Slovakian - Sretan Bozic or Vesele vianoce

61. Samoan - La Maunia Le Kilisimasi Ma Le Tausaga Fou

62. Scottish - Nollaig Chridheil agus Bliadhna Mhath Ur

63. Serbian - Hristos se rodi!

64. Singhalese - Subha nath thalak Vewa. Subha Aluth Awrudhak Vewa

65. Slovak - Vesele Vianoce. A stastlivy Novy Rok

66. Slovene - Vesele Bozicne. Screcno Novo Leto

67. Spanish - Feliz Navidad!

68. Swedish - God Jul and (Och) Ett Gott Nytt Ar

69. Tagalog - Maligayamg Pasko. Masaganang Bagong Taon

70. Tamil - Nathar Puthu Varuda Valthukkal

71. Thai - Sawadee Pee Mai

72. Turkish - Noeliniz Ve Yeni Yiliniz Kutlu Olsun

73. Ukrainian - Srozhdestvom Kristovym

74. Urdu - Yasooh Masih Ki Waladat Mubarak Ho

75. Vietnamese - Chung Mung Giang Sinh

76. Waray Maupay nga Pasko ngan Mainuswagon nga Bag-o nga Tu-ig

77. Welsh - Nadolig Llawen

78. Zulu: Nginifisela inhlanhla ne mpumelelo e nyakeni

Redneck Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the shack,
Not a thing was a movin', from the front to the back,

The kids were in bed, I believe we had nine,
The wife in her curlers, was lookin' real fine.

A cold wind was blowin', up the holler it moaned,
All seven dogs on the porch howled and groaned.

The boys were all dreamin' of weapons and guns,
For killin' God's creatures, there's no better fun.

The girls in their feminine dreams were attuned,
To getting those gallons of Walmart perfume.

The wife wanted jewelry, like rings with big rocks,
I wanted my Chevy, down off the blocks.

Then in the yard, such a noise did commence,
Like something was caught, in the barb-wire fence.

I ran to the window, and saw pretty quick,
The man makin' the racket, was Good Ole' St. Nick.

He climbed on the roof, with his bag full of goodies,
He backed down the fireplace, all dirty and sooty.

He turned toward the tree, His eyes all aglow,
He was a Southern boy, from his head to his toe.

His neck was a red one, his shirt said "Light Beer",
There was no red hat, his cap read,"John Deere".

He left all the presents, with an air of delight,
Then it was back to the chimney, and into the night.

He ran into the yard, and threw his bag in the sleigh,
Then he yelled at the dogs, to get out of the way.

And I heard him exclaim, as those pigs took to flight,
Merry Christmas to all, And to all ...A "bud lite"

Some Christmas laws

The Christmas Presents Laws:

1. If it doesn't run off the mains, batteries are never included

2. If it does run off the mains, a plug is never included

3. Everything is designed to break by Dec 26

4. If you can wear it, it's the wrong size

5. If it fits, the color is never right


Things You Don't Want To Hear At Your Office Christmas Party

10. "I think the icing on this cake is white-out"

9. "The bar will be open from 9:00 to 9:05"

8. "I've never seen chunky egg nog before"

7. "My New Year's resolution is to stop videotaping the men's room"

6. "Ooh, another windbreaker with the company logo - - This will help me put my kids through college"

5. "You're supposed to sit naked on the xerox machine, not the shredder"

4. "Put on Regis Philbin's Christmas album"

3. "Why is Shecky naked?"

2. "There's Letterman - - Get him!"

1. "Yeah, a glass of watery cider and a cookie makes up for a year of bullshit"

Joke

Ways to Confuse Santa

* Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.

* While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.

* Leave him a note explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.

* While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.

* Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!

* Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.

* Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.

* Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.

* While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.

* Leave Santa a note explaining that you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.

* Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for Santa to get caught in it, and then explain that you're sorry, but from a distance, he looked like a bear.

* Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue.

Joke

What I want in a man, Original List (age 22)

1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates the finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover

What I want in a man, Revised list (age 32)

1. Nice looking - preferably with hair on his head
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner at a restaurant
4. Listens more than he talks
5. Laughs at my jokes at appropriate times
6. Can carry in all groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week

What I want in a man, Revised list (age 42)

1. Not too ugly - bald head okay
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner at McDonalds on occasion
4. Nods head at appropriate times when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers the punchlines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange furniture
7. Usually wears shirt that covers stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat lid down
10. Shaves on most weekends

What I want in a man, Revised list (age 52)

1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed to appropriate length
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep while I'm talking
5. Doesn't re-tell same jokes too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves on some weekends

What I want in a man, Revised list (age 62)

1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when awake (LOUDLY when asleep)
5. Forgets why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10.Remembers when...

What I want in a man, Revised list (age 72)
1. Breathing--

Joke

***************

Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else?
Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday

***************

Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
Customer: What other colors do you have?

***************

Manager: Sorry, but I can't give you a job. I don't need much help.
Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You will see, I won't be of much help anyway!!

***************

Dad: Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it.

***************

Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager!
Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either.

***************

Diner: You'll drive me to my grave!
Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do you?

***************

Husband: You know, wife, our son got his brain from me.
Wife: I think he did , I still got mine with me!

***************

Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden!
Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it Within three days, you can keep it.

***************

Father: Your teacher says she finds it Impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I say she's no good!

Who Was St. Nicholas?

Who Was St. Nicholas?

1 Nearly everyone has heard of Santa Claus with his gifts and Christmas Eve sleigh ride. It's a magical story that has captured the imaginations of people all around the world. Have you ever wondered who the original Santa was?

2 The legend of Santa Claus actually begins in the country of Turkey in the Middle East in the third century A.D. It all started with a man named Nicholas.

3 Nicholas came from a wealthy family in the town of Patara. His parents raised him to be a kind and generous man. When he was grown, he used all of his inheritance to help the poor, the sick, and those who were suffering. As a result of his actions and beliefs, he was still a young man when he was made Bishop of Myra.

4 The Roman Emperor, Diocletian, hated Christians and did everything he could to stop them from practicing their faith. He put so many church leaders in the prisons that there was almost no room for thieves and murderers.

5 Nicholas was imprisoned but was later released after Constantine became emperor of Rome. Then in A.D. 325, Constantine called the first Council of Nicea. This was where many of the church's leaders came together from all over for a big meeting. We know Nicholas was a real person because his name was on several attendance lists for the council. He died on December 6, A.D. 342 or 343.

6 Right after his death, legends began to spring up about him. At least one appears to be based on actual happenings.

7 The first of the legends involved three young women. In those days, a father had to offer a dowry for each daughter to get married. Young men expected to receive a valuable gift from a girl's father. If he could not pay it, she would probably never get married. The larger a girl's dowry, the better her chances of gaining a good husband.

8 Near Nicholas' home there was a poor man who had three daughters. He had no way to give them dowries. With no one to marry them, they might be forced to become slaves.

9 One night a bag of gold coins was tossed through the window of the house into the older girl's shoes as they sat by the fireplace. The money became her dowry, and she was able to marry well. Later, the same thing happened for each of the younger daughters as well. This marked Nicholas as a great giver of gifts.

10 Another story tells of how three children or students were killed by an evil man. Nicholas dreamed of the crime while staying nearby and raised them from the dead. This showed Nicholas to be the patron saint of children.

11 Nicholas used his money and influence to feed the hungry and to get justice for the unjustly accused. His spirit of giving secretly, expecting nothing in return, marked him as a great man among his people.

12 It is no wonder that the person of Nicholas of Myra is linked with love, generosity, and the giving of gifts. St. Nicholas Day honors the life of a man who loved to help others. Even after all these years, many people still celebrate his life and good works.

Learn from the oyster

An oyster is soft, tender, and vulnerable. Without the sanctuary of its shell it could not survive. But oysters must open their shells in order to "breathe" water.
Sometimes while an oyster is breathing, a grain of sand will enter its shell and become a part of its life from then on.
Such grains of sand cause pain, but an oyster does not alter its soft nature because of this. It does not become hard and leathery in order not to feel. It continues to entrust itself to the ocean, to open and breathe in order to live.
But it does respond. Slowly and patiently, the oyster wraps the grain of sand in thin translucent layers until, over time, it has created something of great value in the place where it was most vulnerable to its pain. A pearl might be thought of as an oyster's response to its suffering. Not every oyster can do this. Oysters that do are far more valuable to people than oysters that do not.
Sand is a way of life for an oyster. If you are soft and tender and must live on the sandy floor of the ocean, making pearls becomes a necessity if you are to live well.
Disappointment and loss are a part of every life.
Many times we can put such things behind us and get on with the rest of our lives. But not everything is amenable to this approach. Some things are too big or too deep to do this, and we will have to leave important parts of ourselves behind if we treat them in this way. These are the places where wisdom begins to grow in us. It begins with suffering that we do not avoid or rationalize or put behind us.
It starts with the realization that our loss, whatever it is, has become a part of us and has altered our lives so profoundly that we cannot go back to the way it was before. Something in us can transform such suffering into wisdom. The process of turning pain into wisdom often looks like a sorting process. First we experience everything. Then one by one we let things go, the anger, the blame, the sense of injustice, and finally even the pain itself, until all we have left is a deeper sense of the value of life and a greater capacity to live it.

A stock market strategy

While investing in stocks or mutual funds, investors use several strategies. Aggressive selling on a downturn, buying on hints of an upward movement and even investing on hot tips from friends are some of them. However, a very successful approach that a lot of people seldom use is inaction. This method, if effectively used, can cure a lot of financial headaches.
Basically, when you take a call on selling or buying an investment product, you are giving the signal that this product has completed its shelf-life or will add value to your portfolio. Holding an investment for long periods of time indicates that this investment product is good for your portfolio. There are several situations in which you can use this strategy.
Lack of options: There could be time periods when you do not have a worthy option. Any investment decision is based on expectations about the future performance of the asset class. If there are no such products, then it is best to sit tight with the existing investments.
In such a situation, though it may appear that you are not taking any action, the inaction, itself will help you prevent erosion of wealth. For example, if you believe that all the asset classes such as equities, real estate and commodities are overvalued, then not churning your portfolio at this stage may be a great idea.
Cash in hand: Sometimes, you could have an investible surplus but no opportunities. During such times, it might not make great sense to immediately deploy the funds because the present conditions may not help you to earn good returns.
Yes, keeping idle cash is not a great idea. But then, investment products capable of giving good returns should be available as well. If the expectation is that the investment avenue is good but the time is not right to invest, then some waiting helps. This also implies that there are expectations of a possible fall in the value of that asset. A good example of this situation is when an equity investor has cash and is waiting for the market to stabilise before deploying it.
Short-term volatility: As all investment advisors will say, it is always important to be in the equities market for the long-term for good returns. However, it is noticed that investors exit the market in panic or enter when the market has already peaked. It is important that when you are in it for the long-term, you ignore short-term movements.
Obviously, this means having more patience, a firm belief in your choices and not getting ulcers when the market moves against you. This especially applies when you are following a systematic approach towards investment such as a systematic investment plan (SIP) in mutual funds. A tanking market could really unnerve you. But it is best to just quietly and keep investing.
Remember, falling prices of shares mean more units of the fund. And all those units count in the long run. Also, there could be times when you have particular financial goals and disciplined investment is the only way to achieve them. In such a situation, irrespective of the market conditions, you will need to keep on investing. Following a plan is absolutely necessary to achieve your goals. Inaction, in reality, could actually mean affirmative action in such cases

Teeth tips

Smile is one of the first things people notice about you. Yellow or brown teeth are not the best first impression you want to make. Teeth can become discolored for a number of reasons, the most common being tobacco, coffee, tea, berries, and the natural accumulation of tartar over time.

Other reasons for discoloration of teeth may be internal reasons such as by aging, injury, excessive fluoride, and by certain illnesses and medicines. Discoloration is natural over time.

Tooth whitening can have fantastic affects on your appearance, as well as giving your self-esteem a big boost. Tooth whitening is safe, convenient, and can change the overall appearance of your smile in a matter of hours.

In the adult there are thirty-two permanent teeth. The first of these, which grow in below, begin to come through when a child is six or seven years old. These permanent teeth usually replace the deciduous teeth. By the time a person is twenty-five he should have all his teeth. By the time a person is twenty-five he should have all his teeth. The condition of his teeth will largely depend on his diet, and on the kind of care he has given the teeth during his growing years.

Some teeth seem to be defective from the start owing to hereditary factors.
A clean mouth contributes toward an attractive personality and a happy disposition. An unsanitary mouth usually arises from years of neglect.



HOME REMEDIES FOR TEETH WHITENING

Take some foil and fold it to form to your teeth. Take a little toothpaste and baking soda and mix together really well. Put some of the mixture into the foil and place on your teeth. Leave on for one-hour everyday. Brush teeth normally afterwards. This is an effective home remedy for teeth whitening.
Brush your teeth with wood ash. It is good teeth whitener.
Mash some strawberries in a bowl and use this to brush your teeth, just as you use toothpaste. It whitens really well
Every time you brush, add baking soda to your toothpaste. Within 14 days your teeth will become visibly whiter
Good nutritious diet is very effective in maintaining the dental health. Eating fresh crunchy veggies and fruits such as: carrots, broccoli, celery, apples, strawberries, and cucumbers can help whiten your teeth.
Each time after brushing your teeth just gargle with a small capsule of peroxide, concentrating it on your teeth (don't swallow), and rinse thoughroly with water.
Another home remedy for teeth whitening is - Take your wet toothbrush, put baking soda on it, then put a dab of lemon juice on it (the baking soda will begin to fizz) brush your teeth with it. Rinse with water
Rub the inside of an orange peel on the teeth.
Prepare a paste by adding equal parts lemon juice and salt and apply to yellowing spots.
Make a paste by grinding dried bay leaves and dried orange peels and adding a little water. Use as a teeth whitener.
Rubbing the bark of walnut tree brightens the teeth.
For tooth whitening, brush your teeth properly and eat the right food to keep your teeth healthy.
It is also wise to note that eating sweet snacks between meals affect teeth more than eating sweet snacks with meals.
Brush your outer and inner surfaces at 45-degree angle. On chewing surfaces, hold the brush flat and brush back and forth. On inside surfaces of front teeth, tilt brush vertically and use gentle up and won strokes with toe of the brush.
Do not brush after every meal. It will affect the enamel.
Avoid sticky sweets like toffee or hard candies like mints. Try to rinse your mouth quickly after you drink anything with strong color such as coffee and red wine.
Chew a piece of sugarless gum after you€ ¦’²ve had your coffee or tea. This is also an effective home remedy for teeth whitening.
Avoid smoking.
Teeth should be properly brushed at least twice a day to maintain good dental health.
Brushing should be done in the direction in which they are growing; the upper teeth should be brushed downward, and the lower teeth should be brushed from below, upward.
Use a sweeping motion, being sure that the bristles reach the crevices between the teeth, thus helping to remove any food particles that may have lodged there.
Add a drop of clove oil to the toothpaste and brush.

Recipe: SESAME PANEER

SESAME PANEER:

Traditionally, this dish is made with tofu i.e. soya bean curd. This version uses paneer instead, coated with a sesame seed batter which imparts a nutty flavour and a very Chinese element to this crispy starter.

Cooking Time : 10 mins.
Preparation Time : 10 mins.

Serves 4.

For the sesame paneer:

2 cups paneer (cottage cheese), cut into 75 mm. (3") x 12 mm. ½") strips.
¼ cup cornflour
2 tablespoons plain flour (maida)
½ teaspoon soya sauce
½ cup sesame (til) seeds
salt to taste.
oil for deep frying.

For the sesame paneer:
1. In a bowl, combine the cornflour, plain flour, soya sauce and salt with ¼ cup of water to make a smooth batter.
2. Dip the paneer pieces in the batter and coat the sesame seeds and deep fry in hot oil, till they are golden brown.
3. Drain on absorbent paper and serve hot.

Tips:
To get the authentic Chinese flavour, substitute paneer with soya bean curd (tofu). use any hot and sour sauce to dip these paneer pieces while eating.

Joke

Signs That You Might Need A New Lawyer

* During the trial, you catch him playing his Gameboy.

* Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniel's to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.

* He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.

* He begins closing arguments with, "As Ally McBeal once said ..."

* Just before trial starts he whispers, "The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?"

* Just before he says "Your Honor," he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.

* The sign in front of his law office reads "Practicing Law Since 2:25 PM."

* Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, "Whatever."

* He giggles every time he hears the word "briefs."

* Giggles hysterically at the mere mention of the Penal Code.

* Constantly raising objections to the "vibes" he's getting from the jury.

* Every time the judge sustains one of his objections, he screams, "Yahtzee!"

* Offers to waive his usual fees in exchange for your panties.

* You met him in prison.

* He tells you that his last good case was a Budweiser.

* When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.

* He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."

* He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."

* A prison guard is shaving your head.

Four Stages of Life - Santa Claus

Four Stages of Life

1) You believe in Santa Claus.

2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.

3) You are Santa Claus.

4) You look like Santa Claus.

This is what True Love is all about

*This is what True Love is all about*:

It was a busy morning, *approximately 8:30 a.m*., when an elderly gentleman in his 80's, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am. I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him look at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound.

On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound. While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in conversation. I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.

I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of *Alzheimer' s Disease *. As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.

I was surprised, and asked him, "*And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are? *" He smiled as he patted my hand and said, "* She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is*." I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life."

True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

Teach The Children

Teach The Children

Late one Christmas Eve, I sank into my easy chair. Admiring the tree with its decorations, I couldn't help but feel that something was missing... The kids were in bed, the gifts were all wrapped, the milk and cookies were in their place for Santa. It wasn't long before the tiny twinkling tree lights lulled me into a deep sleep.

I don't know how long I slept, but all of a sudden I opened my eyes and there stood Santa Claus himself next to my Christmas tree. He was dressed all in fur from his head to his foot just as the poem described him. But he was not the "jolly old elf" of Christmas legend. The man who stood before me looked sad and disappointed with tears in his eyes.

I had to ask, "Santa, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" "It's the children," Santa replied sadly. "But the children love you," I said. "Oh, I know they love me and the gifts I bring them," Santa said. "But the children of today seem to have somehow missed out on the true spirit of Christmas. It's not their fault. It's just that the adults, many of them not having been taught themselves have forgotten to teach the children."

"Teach them what?" I asked. Santa's kind old face became soft, more gentle. His eyes began to shine with something more than tears. He spoke softly. "Teach the children the true meaning of Christmas. Teach them that the part of Christmas we can see, hear and touch is much more than meets the eye. Teach them the symbolism behind the customs and traditions of Christmas we now observe. Teach them what it is they truly represent.

Santa reached into his bag and pulled out a tiny Christmas tree and set it on the fireplace mantle. "Teach them about the Christmas tree. Green is the second color of Christmas. The stately evergreen with its unchanging color represents the hope of eternal life in Jesus. Its needles point heavenward as a reminder that man's thoughts should turn heavenward as well."

Santa reached into his bag again and pulled out a shiny star and placed it at the top of the small tree. "The star was the heavenly sign of promise. God promised a Savior for the world and the star was the sign of the fulfillment of that promise of the night that Jesus Christ was born. Teach the children that God always fulfills His promises and that the wise will seek him."

"Red," said Santa, "is the first color of Christmas." He pulled forth a red ornament for the tiny tree. "Red is deep, intense, vivid. It is the color of the life-giving blood that flows through our veins. It is the symbol of God's greatest gift. "Teach the children that Christ gave His life and shed his blood for them that they might have eternal life. When they see the color red, it should remind them of that most wonderful gift."

Santa found a bell in his pack and placed it on the tree. "Just as lost sheep are guided to safety by the sound of the bell, it continues to ring today for all to be guided to the fold. Teach the children to follow the true Shepherd who gave His life for the sheep."

Santa placed a candle on the mantle and lit it. The soft glow from its one tiny flame brightened the room. "The glow of the candle represents how man can show his thanks for the gift of God's Son that Christmas Eve long ago. Teach the children to follow in Christ's footsteps... to go about doing good. Teach them to let their lights shine before men that all may see it and glorify God. This is what is symbolized when the twinkling lights shine on the tree like hundreds of bright, shining candles, each of the representing one of God's precious children, their light shining for all to see."

Again, Santa reached into his bag and this time he brought forth a tiny red and white striped candy cane. As he hung it on the tree, he spoke softly, "The candy cane is a stick of hard, white candy. White to symbolize the virgin birth and sinless nature of Jesus. The shape 'J' to represent the precious name of Jesus who came to Earth as our Savior. It also represents the crook of the Good Shepherd which he uses to reach down into the ditches of the world to lift out the fallen lambs who, like sheep, have gone astray. The original candy cane had three small red stripes which are the stripes of the scourging Jesus received by which we are healed, and a large red stripe that represents the shed blood of Jesus so that we can have eternal life. Teach these things to the children."

Santa brought out a beautiful wreath made of fresh fragrant greenery and tied with a bright red bow. "The bow reminds us of the bond of perfection which is love. The wreath embodies all the good things about Christmas for those with eyes to see and hearts to understand. It contains the colors of red and green and the heaven turned needles of the evergreen. The bow tells the story of good will towards all and its color reminds us of Christ's sacrifice. Even the wreath's very shape is symbolic, representing eternity and the eternal nature of Christ's love. It is a circle without beginning and without end. These are the things you must teach the children."

"But where does that leave you, Santa?" I asked. The tears gone now from his eyes, a smile broke over Santa's face. "Why, bless you, my dear," he laughed. "I too am only a symbol. I represent the spirit of family fun and the joy of giving and receiving. If the children are taught these other things, there is no danger that I'll ever be forgotten."

"I think I'm beginning to understand at last," I replied. "That's why I came," said Santa. "You're an adult. If you don't teach the children these things, then who will?"

Excel tutorials

Some sites that offer Excel tutorials and other articles:

http://www.baycongroup.com/el0.htm

http://www.fgcu.edu/support/office2000/excel/

http://office.microsoft.com/en-us/excel/FX100646961033.aspx (The Microsoft site does seem to have free demos, etc.)

http://mistupid.com/tutorials/excel/

http://www.bcschools.net/staff/ExcelHelp.htm

http://www.usd.edu/trio/tut/excel/

Meaning of "bagglers."

Meaning of "bagglers."

"The stray French fries that often fall to the bottom of a bag: "French fries that have attempted to escape from their container only to strand themselves in the bottom of the bag are called 'bagglers.' The first to open the bag and retrieve the baggler gets to eat the baggler. Therefore, it is in one's best interest to be the keeper of the bag."

TOP 10 REASONS WHY HURRICANES ARE LIKE CHRISTMAS

TOP 10 REASONS WHY HURRICANES ARE LIKE CHRISTMAS

10. Decorating the house [boarding up windows]

9. Dragging out boxes that haven't been used since last season [camping gear, flashlights, portable radio]

8. Last minute shopping in crowded stores

7. Regular TV shows pre-empted for "specials"

6. Family coming to stay with you

5. Family and friends from out-of-state calling

4. Buying food you don't normally buy ...and in large quantities

3. Days off from work

2. Candles

And the number one reason Hurricane Season is like Christmas ...

1. At some point you know you're going to have a tree in your house.

TOP TEN SIGNS SANTA DOESN'T LIKE YOUR KID

TOP TEN SIGNS SANTA DOESN'T LIKE YOUR KID

1. Kid's letter to north pole comes back stamped, "Dream on, Chester!"

2. Kid asks for new bike, gets pack of smokes

3. Along with presents, Santa leaves hefty bill for shipping and handling

4. By the time he gets to your house, all he has left are styrofoam peanuts

5. Christmas day, your kid wakes up with a Reindeer head in his bed

6. Instead of "Naughty" or "Nice", Santa has him on the dork list

7. Sends him off on one of them Carnival Cruises with Kathie Lee

8. First words when kid gets on his lap are, "touch my beard and I'll put the hurt on you"

9. Labels on all your kid's toys read "Straight from Craptown"

10. Four words: "Off my lap, Tubby!"

DILBERT QUOTES CONTEST

DILBERT QUOTES CONTEST

A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest.

They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers. These were voted the top ten quotes from the Dilberts who inhabit our world ...

"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA)

"What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter." (Lykes Lines Shipping)

"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business." (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

"This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it."
(Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule." (Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them." (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me." (Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees." (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

3 Ways to DISSOLVE Kidney Stones NATURALLY

3 Ways to DISSOLVE Kidney Stones NATURALLY

Our kidneys suffer from a disorder known as kidney stones. Hard masses are formed within the kidney or the urinary tract. The stones vary in sizes. Some stones are so tiny that they can't even be seen by our naked eyes. The slightly bigger stones sometimes are an inch in diameter. The renal pelvis and tubes can be blocked completely by big kidney stones.

With four types of kidney stones, it is likely that you maybe affected by one of the types. Calcium, cystine, struvite and uric acid are the varieties of kidney stones, which affect our renal organs. Calcium is the most common form of stones to be found. Your everyday food intake consists of a lot of calcium and oxalate. Tea, pepper, rhubarb, nuts, cacao and spinach are food very high in oxalate.

Cystine is the least common variety of stones. This doesn't form from foods but is caused by hereditary disorder. An excessive excretion of a certain type of amino acid is the reason for the formation of this type of stone.

Ammonium, Magnesium and Phosphate form a mixture that causes kidney stones. They have another name and are known as infection stones. They form in urine, which is infected. Protein metabolism has a by-product, uric acid, which too forms stones and is often caused due to excessively high intake of proteins. Extremely acidic urine has stones in it.

1. Tea to Dissolve kidney stones

A kidney stone is formed naturally and there are many cures to remove the kidney stone naturally too. Herbs like Joe-pye weed, meadowsweet, sarsaparilla and plantain are natural medicines to remove excess uric acid from your body. The Chinese use these herbs in the form of a tea to cure kidney stones.

Kidney stones tea is a tea specially made to cure kidney stones. It is made from herbs like hydrangea root, wild yam root, cramp bark, Joe-pye weed, yarrow leaf, plantain leaf and corn silk. The preparation is easy and the tea is very effective. Take one and quarter cups of water and bring that to boil. Add wild yam, cramp bark and hydrangea and boil the mixture for 15 minutes on a low flame. Add all the other herbs and turn off the heat. Let it stay in a corner undisturbed. Ensure you cover the pot. After 20 minutes strain the portion and store it in the refrigerator. Three to four cups of this tea is recommended. At times bleeding may occur. If bleeding occurs, add about 30 drops of shepherd's purse tincture. You can take this in the form of a tincture too, by taking a couple of full droppers daily.

2. Diuretic Tea for Dissolving Kidney Stones

Dandelion and corn silk are two choices of diuretic that are effective. Diuretic tea is another natural remedy for kidney stones. Made from dandelion, corn silk, fennel seed, nettle leaf and oat straw, diuretic tea is very simple to prepare. Pour one quart of boiling water on ½ teaspoon of all the remaining herbs. Cover with a lid and set it aside for 20 minutes. Filter and then drink a cup of this tea in the morning and evening.

3. Wild Herb to Cure Kidney Stone

The North Americans found a wild herb called goldenrod, which is also found to be very effective. If you are allergic to goldenrod tinctures, don't try the following recipe.

Take a quarter cup of gravel root, marshmallow root, hydrangea root, ginger capsules and 250mg of vitamin B6 and uva ursi capsules. Soak all these ingredients in small non-metallic cups with non-metallic lids individually filled with fresh tap water. Then boil the herbs and simmer for 20 minutes. Drink a quarter cup, when it cools down and freeze the rest. Buy fresh parsley that does not spray. Boil four bunches in one quart of water for three to five minutes. Strain the portion and drink it once it cools down. Freeze the rest. Make a mixture of both the frozen contents daily and add 20 drops of goldenrod tincture and one tablespoon of glycerin. Take a big mug full daily. Drink it in small quantities and if you are allergic, start with half the dose.

Why is aluminium foil shiny one side, dull the other

Aluminum foil is made by rolling sheets of 98.5 percent pure aluminum metal between pairs of polished, lubricated steel rollers. Successive passes through the rollers squeeze the foil thinner. Household aluminum foil is so thin (0.0005 of an inch) that the rollers can't handle it without tearing it. The final rolling is therefore done on a sandwich of two sheets, face to face. The outer surfaces emerge with a finish as smooth as the rollers, while the two face-to-face inner surfaces emerge with a matte finish. Hence, a shiny side and a duller side.

Kids' Little Instructions On Life

Kids' Little Instructions On Life"

*"Never smart off to a teacher whose eyes and ears are twitching." - Andrew, Age 9

*"Wear a hat when feeding seagulls."
- Rocky, age 9

*"Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning."
- Stephanie, age 8

*"Don't flush the john when your dad's in the shower."
- Lamar, age 10

*"Never ask for anything that costs more than $5 when your parents are doing taxes."
- Carrol, age 9

*"Never bug a pregnant mom."
- Nicholas, age 11

*"Don't ever be too full for dessert."
- Kelly, age 10

*"When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?' don't answer him."
- Heather, age 16

*"Never tell your mom her diet's not working."
- Michael, age 14

*"Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat."
- Joel, age 12

*"When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone."
- Alyesha, age 13

*"Never try to baptize a cat."
- Laura, age 13

*"Never spit when on a roller coaster."
- Scott, age 11

*"Never do pranks at a police station."
- Sam, age 10

*"Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like it's moving."
- Rob, age 10

*"Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what your mom told you to do."
- Hank, age 12

*"Remember you're never too old to hold your father's hand."
- Molly, age 11

*"Listen to your brain. It has lots of information."
- Chelsey, age 7

*"Stay away from prunes."
-Randy, age 9

*"Never dare your little brother to paint the family car."
- Phillip, age 13

*"Forget the cake, go for the icing."
- Cynthia, age 8

*"Remember the two places you are always welcome-church and Grandma's house."
- Joanne, age 11

*"When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents."
- Matthew, age 12

IMMUTABLE LAWS

IMMUTABLE LAWS

Law of Documented Relativity
Nothing is as easy as it seems or as difficult as the manual makes it out to be.

Law of Time Management
Everything takes longer than the amount of time you have available to do it in.

Law of the Indirect Search
The quickest way of finding something is by looking for something entirely different.

The "Wait for me while I write it down" Law.
If you have a pen, you don't have paper.
If you have paper, you don't have a pen.
If you have both, nobody answers.

Law of Telephone Priority
If you dial a wrong number, it will never be engaged.

The Principle of Archimedes Updated
Any body submerged in a bath makes the telephone ring.

Law of Gravity
If you manage to remain calm when all around you are losing their heads, you presumably don't understand the gravity of the situation.

Law of Experience
A well's depth is only known by he/ she who falls into it.

Definition of a Specialist
1) A specialist is someone who knows more and more about less and less.
2) An advanced specialist is someone who knows everything about absolutely nothing.

Practical Guide to Modern Science:
If you can mix it, it belongs to Biology.
If it stinks, it belongs to Chemistry.
If it doesn't work, it belongs to Physics.
If nobody understands it, it's Mathematics.
If it is not applicable it is Economics or Psychology.

The Law of Courses, Exams and the like:
1) If the course you most want to be on has space for x students, you can be sure that on registering for the course you will be x+1.
2) 80% of the final exam will be based on the one class that you missed or on the only book you didn't read.
3) All teachers work on the basis that you have nothing else to do besides study their speciality.

Law of the Essay Writer
The most valuable quotation will be the one in which you left out the author's name in the footnotes.

Law of Units of Measurement
"One size only" means that it does not suit any size.

Law of Free Fall
1) Whatever force is used to try to grab a falling object will lead to more damage than if it were left to fall freely.
2) The probability of a slice of bread landing with the buttered side facing down is directly proportional to the value of your carpet.

Law of Queues and Bottlenecks
The next queue along always advances faster than the one you are waiting in. There is no point changing queue, the law doesn't change.

Law of Sticky Tape
There are two kinds of tape available: the type that doesn't stick and the type that can't be unrolled.

Laws of Life
1) A healthy person is someone who has been incorrectly diagnosed by his/her doctor.
2) All the pleasures in life are either illegal, immoral or fattening.

Fundamental Law of Particle Attraction
Every flying particle will always find its way into an open eye.

Law of Sod's Laws
If you believe that these laws express bitter existential pessimism, this goes to show that you have still got a long way to fall.

Jokes

1. A tom cat and a tabby cat were courting on a back fence at night.

The tom leaned over to the tabby with pent up passion and purred... "I'll die for you!"

The tabby gazed at him from under lowered eye lids and asked, "How many times?



2. A guy gets shipwrecked. Then he wakes up, he's on a beach.

The sand is dark red. He can't believe it. The sky is dark red.

He walks around a bit and sees there is dark red grass, dark red birds and dark red fruit on the dark red trees.

He's shocked when he finds that his skin is starting to turn dark red too.

"Oh no!!" he says. "I think I've been marooned!!"


3. An old fellow came into the hospital truly on death's door due to an infected gallbladder. The surgeon who removed the gallbladder was adamant that his patients be up and walking in the hall the day after surgery, to help prevent blood clots forming in the leg veins.

The nurses walked the patient in the hall as ordered. On the third day the had done this to the old fellow, the nurse told how he complained bitterly each time they did.

The surgeon told them to keep walking him, no matter what. After a fortnight, the patient was ready to go home. His family came to pick him up and thanked the
surgeon profusely for what he had done for their father, telling him he was a miracle worker.

The surgeon was pleased and appreciated the thanks, but told them that it was really a simple operation and that they had been lucky to get him into the hospital time.
"Oh no,doctor, you don't understand," they said, "Our father hasn't walked in over a year!"

DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER

DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER

December 8:
6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window, watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9:
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!

December 12:
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14:
Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to *20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15:
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16:
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17:
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20:
Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. freakin' snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22:
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.

December 23:
Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she...nuts??? Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's damn well lying.

December 24:
6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the freakin' snowplow.

December 25:
Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the @#$%^& slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to kill her.

December 26:
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27:
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.

December 28:
Warmed up to above-50. Still snowed in. THE BITCH is driving me crazy!!!

December 29:
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave-in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30:
Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars for the bump on his head. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.

December 31:
Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling!

January 8:
I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

HELPFUL HOLIDAY DIET TIPS

HELPFUL HOLIDAY DIET TIPS

1. If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories

2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, they cancel each other out

3. If you eat standing up, it doesn't count!

4. STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backwards

5. If you eat the food off someone else's plate, it doesn't count

6, Cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breakage cause calorie leakage

7. Food used for medicinal purposes have no calories. This includes: any chocolate used for energy, brandy, cheesecake, and Haagen-Daz Ice Cream

8. When eating with someone else, calories don't count if you both eat the same amount

9. Movie-related foods are much lower in calories simply because they are a part of the entertainment experience and not part of one's personal fuel. This includes: Milk Duds, popcorn with butter, Junior Mints, Snickers, and Gummi Bears.

HINDUSTANI CLASSICAL (HCM) AND CARNATIC MUSIC

HINDUSTANI CLASSICAL (HCM) AND CARNATIC MUSIC:

Carnatic Music is confined to the southern states viz: Karnataka, Kerala, Tamil Nadu and Andhra Pradesh.

The differences between the two are:

1. In HCM there is about, say, 90% freedom for the main artist to improvise. However, in Carnatic system it is the opposite. The lyrics are kriti(s) of great composers of yore, which are to be sung in a particular style only. The freedom is available only
in the aalap at the beginning before singing the kriti.

2. Though both systems have ragas with the same names, they are completely different with a different scale of notes. There are some ragas with similar scales but
different names like Malkauns and Hindolam.

3. The audible difference is the ‘shake’. If you hear a similar raga from both styles, the striking feature is that in Carnatic the strain of the note will be shaken as it is sung. If you listen to the music you will know what I am talking about.

4. HCM ragas stick to the time concept i.e. ‘aath prahar’. A twenty four hour day is divided into 8 prahar(s) of 3 hours each, staring from 4 am in the morning. Each prahar has different ragas. Eg:

Morning: Todi, Lalit….
Afternoon: Multani, Madhuvanti…..
Evening : Kalyan, Puriya Dhanashri..
Night: Shankara, Durga, Kedar, Malkauns….

There are fewer ragas for the morning and the afternoon prahars as compared to the evening to night ragas.

Carnatic does not follow the time concept system.

5. A Hindustani concert whether vocal or instrumental will end with a composition in the Raga Bhairavi. But a Carnatic music recital may even start with the raga
Bhairavi.

6. In HCM vocal, the tabla player merely accompanies the artist playing just the beat of the particular taala called ‘theka’. He is active occasionally during an approaching ‘sum’. The tabla player can show his skill only if allowed by the main artist.

In Carnatic however, the style of accompaniment is entirely different. Though any piece is set to a particular taal, the mridamgam player plays in sync with the singer. It is said that if you separate music track of the mridangam from any carnatic vocal music track and play it separately you can identify the kriti for which it was played!