Humour: Quotes dealing with common problems

When one wishes to unlock a door but has only one hand free, the keys are in the opposite pocket. (Von Fumbles Law)

A door will snap shut only when you have left the keys inside. (Yale Law of Destiny)

When one's hands are covered with oil, grease, or glue, your nose will start to itch. (Law of Ichiban)

Your insurance will cover everything but what has happened. (Insurance So Sorry Law)

When things seem to be going well, you've probably forgotten to do something. (Cheney's Second Corollary)

When things seem easy to do, it's because you haven't followed all the instructions. (Destiny Awaits Law)

If you keep your cool when everyone else is losing his, it's probably because you have not realized the seriousness of the problem. (Law of Gravitas)

Most problems are not created or solved; they only change appearances. (Einstein's Law of Persistence)

You will run to answer the telephone just as the party hangs up on you. (Principle of Dingaling)

Whenever you connect with the Internet, the call you've been waiting for all day will arrive. (Principle of Bellsouth)

If there are only two programs on TV that are worth your time, they will always be at the same time. (Law of Wasteland)

The cost is always higher than one budgets for, and it is exactly 3.14 times higher, hence the importance of pi. (Law of Pi Eyed)

The probability that one will spill food on one's clothes is directly proportional to the need to be clean. (Law of Campbell Scoop)

Each and every body submerged in a bathtub will cause the phone to ring. (Law of Yes Now)

Each and every body sitting on a commode will cause the doorbell to ring. (Law of Ding Dong)

Wind velocity will increase proportionally to the cost of one's hairdo. (The Don King Principle)

After discarding something not used for years, you will need it one week later. (Law of Fatal Irreversibility)

Arriving early for an appointment will cause the receptionist to be absent, and if one arrives late, everyone else has arrived before you. (Law of Delay)

Do not take life too seriously, because in the end, you won't come out alive anyway. (Theory of Absolute Certainty)

After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee. (Law of Mechanical Repair)

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. (Law of the Workshop)

The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. (Law of Probability)

When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal. (Law of the Telephone)

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. (Law of the Alibi)

If you change lanes (traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time). (Variation Law)

The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. (Law of Close Encounters)

When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. (Law of the Result)

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. (Law of Biomechanics)

At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last. (Theatre Rule)

As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do
something which will last until the coffee is cold. (Law of Coffee)

If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. (Murphy's Law of Lockers)

The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug. (Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets)

No matter where you go, there you are. (Law of Location)

Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. (Law of Logical Argument)

If the shoe fits, it's really ugly. (Brown's Law)

A closed mouth gathers no feet. (Oliver's Law)

As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it. (Wilson's Law)