Humour: Man and his wife

My wife and I are inseparable.
--In fact, last week it took four state troopers and a dog.

Me and my wife were happy for 20 years!
--Then we met!

Why do men die before their wives?
--They want to.

Why do men usually marry women who are in some ways similar to their mothers ??
--Better the devil you know!

Why do men pass gas more than women?
--Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.

If my mother-in-law was any more of a cow
--She'd have horns and wear a bell round her neck!

A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive
and said, "I haven't eaten anything in four days."
--She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."

Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
--Two mothers-in-law

The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
--I said, Dust!"

I always have the last word in any argument
--And it's usually "Yes Dear"

I hate my mother-in-law so much that I always send her flowers on her birthday
--In the shape of a wreath !!

I've decided i'm never going to marry again,
--I'm just going to find a woman that I really hate and then buy her a house.