Humour: Actual Writings on Hospital Charts

· The patient refused autopsy.

· The patient has no previous history of suicides.

· Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

· Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with
only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

· She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she
was very hot in bed last night.

· Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a
year.

· On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it
disappeared.

· The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to
be depressed.

· The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

· Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.

· Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but
forgetful.

· Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

· She is numb from her toes down.

· While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

· The skin was moist and dry.

· Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

· Patient was alert and unresponsive.

· Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

· She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life
until she got a divorce.

· I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical
therapy.

· Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

· Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

· The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

· Skin: somewhat pall, but present.

· The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

· Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

· Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

· When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room

· The patient was in his usual state of good health until his
airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

· Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

· She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate
directions in early December.

· Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should
sit on the abdomen and I agree.

· The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job
as a stock broker instead.

· By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he
was feeling better.