Jokes

1. A man is sitting on his front stoop staring morosely at the ground when his neighbour strolls over.

The neighbour tries to start a conversation several times, but the older man barely responds.

Finally, the neighbour asks what the problem is.

"Well," the man says, "I ran afoul of one of those questions women ask. Now I'm in the doghouse."

"What kind of question?" the neighbor asks.

"My wife asked me if I would still love her when she was old, fat and ugly."

"That's easy," says the neighbor. "You just say, 'Of course I will.'"

"Yeah," says the other man, "that's what I meant to say. But what came out was, 'Of course I do.'"



2. While a friend and I were visiting the Naval Academy in Annapolis, we noticed several first year students on their hands and knees assessing the brick courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand.

"What are they doing?" I asked our tour guide.

"Each year," he replied with a grin, "the upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish paving this courtyard."

"So what's the answer?" my friend asked him when we were out of earshot of the freshmen.

The guide replied, "One."



3. Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith, the Sunday School teacher, smiling sweetly said, "Bobby, when I was a child I was told if that I made ugly an face, it would freeze and I would stay like that."

Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."



4. One Christmas, a parent decided that she was no longer going to remind her children of their thank-you note duties. As a result, their grandmother did not receive acknowledgments of the generous checks she had given.

However, things were different the following year.

"The children came over in person to thank me," the grandparent told a friend triumphantly.

"How wonderful!" the friend exclaimed. "What do you think caused the change in their behavior?"

"Oh, that's easy," the grandmother replied. "This year I didn't sign the checks."