Jokes

1. A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I'm constipated."
The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, "Lean over the table."
The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the ass with a baseball bat, CRACK... and then sends him into the bathroom.
He comes out a few minutes later and says, "Doc, I feel great. What should I do to prevent constipation in the future?" The doctor says, "Stop wiping with cement bags!"


2. In the north of England lived a man, poorly educated, who made a large fortune by selling his design for a bicycle chain. With this money he set about realizing his childhood ambition to become a country squire.
He purchased a beautiful estate near the Scottish border, and proceeded, with the help of some excellent servants, to live in a manner none in his family had ever dreamed of. Foremost of these servants was his butler, Jeeves, a well educated
man who assisted his master in every way he could to better himself.
The master would often ask Jeeves for advice on how to handle a social situation, or to explain a new term. One day when the master was reading he called Jeeves in and asked, "Jeeves, what is this fox pass?"
"Sir," replied Jeeves, "that would be 'faux pas'. I'll give you an example:
"Do you remember recently when Lord and Lady Plushbottom stayed for the weekend? And do you remember how on Sunday morning Lord Plushbottom pricked his finger on a rose?
"And do you further remember how later, at breakfast, Lady Plushbottom asked her husband 'Is your prick still throbbing dear?' and you said 'Christ!' and I dropped the marmalade?
"That, Sir, was a faux pas."


3. A man wrote a letter to a small hotel, in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote: I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well-behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"
An immediate reply, came from the hotel owner, who wrote:
"I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night, for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel.
And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."