Jokes

1. It seems that a lawyer had a little bit too much to drink and on his way home rear-ended the car in front of him. The lawyer got out of his car, walked over to the driver of the other car and said, Boy, are you in trouble? I'm a lawyer!
The driver looked out his window and said, No, you're in trouble. I'm a judge.


2. Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties. The first man had married a woman from New York, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning. He said it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were done.

The second man had married a woman from Florida. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. On the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a Tennessee girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye.


3. Signs You're Too Hairy

Often confused for Bigfoot by the Weekly World News.

Norelco Electric Razor Salespeople harass on your way to your car.

Your AOL login name is Cousin IT.

You're banned from all the local pools due to clogging their drains.

Date comments on the great furry toilet seat you don't remember buying one.

You get real paranoid when you light a cigarette.

Hair Club For Men members picket your house out of jealousy.

Your stylist uses Hedge Clippers to trim you.

Your dog can't find a leg to hump.

Bald guys accidentally run into you with glue on their heads hoping to score a cheap toupee.