Jokes

1. Manny was almost 29 years old. Most of his friends had already gotten married, and Manny just bounced from one relationship to the next. Finally a friend asked him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you THAT particular? Can't you find someone who suits you?"
"No," Manny replied. "I meet a lot of nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!" "Listen," his friend suggested, "why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear ol' mother?"
Many weeks passed before Manny and his friend got together again. "So, Manny, did you find the perfect girl yet? One that's just like your mother?" Manny shrugged his shoulders, "Yes, I found one just like Mom. My mother loved her and they became great friends."
"Excellent!!! So... are you and this girl engaged yet?"
"I'm afraid not. My father can't stand her!"


2. A six year old comes crying to his Mother because his little sister pulled his hair. "Don't be angry," the Mother says, "Your little sister doesn't realize that pulling hair hurts."
A short while later, there's more crying, and the Mother goes to investigate.
This time the sister is bawling and her brother says...
"Now she knows."


3. Little Johnny went to the doctor to get a vaccination. After the shot, the doc pulled out a Band-Aid and started to cover the spot on his arm. Johnny asked him to put it on the other arm.
The doctor said, "I put the Band-Aid over where you got the shot to let others know that it's tender and they shouldn't touch it. Why do you want it on the other arm?"
Johnny answered, "You really don't know much about little boys, do you?"


4. Several women appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the troubles they were having in their apartment building where they lived. The women still were arguing bitterly when they entered the courtroom.
The judge, banging his gavel to try to quiet them down said, "We are going to do this in an orderly manner. I can't listen to all of you at once! I'll hear the oldest person first."
The case was dismissed for lack of testimony...