Jokes

1. A kleptomaniac woman had been caught shoplifting in a supermarket and had to appear in court, taking along her long-suffering husband for marital support.

The prosecution proved that the theft had taken place so the judge told her that, considering her record, he was forced to impose a jail term.

"This time you stole a can of tomatoes. Let us suppose that there were six tomatoes in the can. Do you agree?"

The woman agreed. "Then I sentence you to six nights in jail."

The husband jumped to his feet , addressing the judge, "Your honor, may I approach the bench?"

"Well," said his honor, this is somewhat unusual but I will make an exception in this case. You may approach the bench."

The husband wasted no time getting there and, leaning forward, he said in a low voice, "She also stole a can of peas, your honor."


2. A mechanic who worked out of his home had a dog named Mace.

Mace had a bad habit of eating all the grass on the mechanic's lawn, so the mechanic had to keep Mace inside.

The grass eventually became overgrown.

One day the mechanic was working on a car in the backyard and dropped his wrench, losing it in the tall grass.

He couldn't find it for the life of him, so he decided to call it a day.

That night, Mace escaped from the house and ate all the grass in the backyard.

The next morning the mechanic went outside and saw his wrench glinting in the sunlight.

Realizing what had happened he looked toward the heavens and proclaimed, "A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me!