Jokes for the day

Jokes:

1. Free Haircut

A man and a little Johnny entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair.

"I`m goin` to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I`ll be back in a few minutes."

When the boy`s haircut was completed and the man still hadn`t returned, the barber said, "Looks like your dad`s forgotten all about you."

"That wasn`t my daddy," said Johnny. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, `Come on, son, we`re gonna get a free haircut!`"


2. A doctor is talking to a car mechanic, "Your fee is several times
more per hour then we get paid for medical care."

"Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn't
changed since Adam; but we have to keep up to date with new models
coming every month."


3. A young couple met with their pastor to set a date for their wedding. When
he asked whether they preferred a contemporary or a traditional service,
they opted for the contemporary.

On the big day, a major storm forced the groom to take an alternate route to
the church. The streets were flooded, so he rolled up his pants legs to keep
his trousers dry.

When he finally reached the church, his best man rushed him into the
sanctuary and up to the altar, just as the ceremony was starting.

"Pull down your pants," whispered the pastor.

"Uh, Reverend, I've changed my mind," the groom responded. "I think I would
prefer the traditional service."


4. A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks
in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla

Removers". He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll
be over in 30 minutes.

The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a
ladder,a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull. "What are
you going to do," the homeowner asks?

"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go
up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat.
When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his
testicles and not let go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for
me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."

He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.

"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.

"If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog"


5. My wife and I and our three-year-old daughter Carrie were visiting friends
who had a newborn child. When the infant began to cry, the mother started
up the stairs to the nursery and asked Carrie if she'd like to help.

Thrilled, Carrie followed, and after a few minutes, the crying stopped.

Suddenly, we heard the baby start crying again, even more loudly than
before.

Soon Carrie appeared at the foot of the stairs and said proudly, "Daddy, I
helded the baby!"

As an English professor, I couldn't help saying, "That's nice, Carrie, but

what's the past tense of 'hold'?"

She paused for a moment, looked down at the carpet, and in a soft voice
responded, "Dropped?"