World's Biggest Lies

1. The check is in the mail.

2. I'll respect you in the morning.

3. I'm from your government, and I am here to help you.

4. It's only a cold sore.

5. You get this one, I'll pay next time.

6. My wife doesn't understand me.

7. Trust me, I'll take care of everything.

8. Of course I love you.

9. I am getting a divorce.

10. Drinking? Why, no, Officer.

11. I never inhaled.

12. It's not the money, it's the principle of the thing.

13. I never watch television except for PBS.

14. ...but we can still be good friends.

15. She means nothing to me.

16. Don't worry, I can go another 20 miles when the gauge
is on "empty."

17. I gave at the office.

18. Don't worry, he's never bitten anyone.

19. I'll call you later.

20. We'll release the upgrade by the end of the year.

21. Read my lips: no new taxes.

22. I've never done anything like this before.

23. Now, I'm going to tell you the truth.

24. It's supposed to make that noise.

25. I *love* your new _____!

26. ...then take a left. You can't miss it.

27. Yes, I did.

28. Don't worry, it's OK -- I'm sterile.