Peeves That Dogs Have About Humans

• Blaming your farts on me... not funny... not funny at all!!!

• Yelling at me for barking. I'm a dog, you idiot!

• Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

• Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose... Stop It!

• Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.

• The slight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

• Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!

• Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

• Dog sweaters. Hello??? Haven't you noticed the fur?

Now lay off me on some of these things; we both know who's boss here! You don't see me picking up *your* poop do you?