Rushing to a bridge tournament, I was pulled over for going 43 in a 35 M.P.H. zone.
"What'll I tell my husband?" I worried, explaining to the police officer that he was a self-described "perfect" driver.
The cop took a second look at the name and address on my license. "Did your husband go duck hunting this morning?"
"Yes," I said, baffled as to how he knew.
The officer finished with, "I stopped him for going 47."
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"George is so forgetful," the sales manager complained to his secretary. "It's a wonder he can sell anything. I asked him to pick me up some sandwiches on his way back from lunch and I'm not sure he'll even remember to come back."
Just then, the door flew open and in bounced George.
"You'll never guess what happened!" he shouted. "While I was at lunch, I met old man Brown, who hasn't bought anything from us for five years. Well, we got to talking and he gave me this half-million dollar order!"
"See," sighed the sales manager to his secretary. "I told you he'd forget the sandwiches."
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One night a father sent his kid to bed. Five minutes later the boy screamed, ''Dad! Can you get me a glass of water?''
''No. You had your chance.''
A minute later the boy screamed ''Dad!! Can you get me a glass of water?''
''No. You had your chance. Next time you ask I'll come up there and spank you.''
''Dad! When you come up to spank me can you bring me a glass or water?''
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