* Black holes are where God divided by zero.
* All those who believe in psychogenesis raise my hand.
* Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
* I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
* OK, so what's the speed of dark?
* How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
* Support bacteria -- they're the only culture some people have.
* Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
* When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
* Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
* Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
* Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
* Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
* I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.
* Join the Army, meet interesting people and kill them.
* If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
* Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
* If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.
* 24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence?
* When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
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