Short jokes

Morris had been playing golf for years, and he had the finest
equipment, but his technique never improved a bit.

As his friend watched, he teed up at the first hole and promptly
drove a brand-new ball into the woods.

On the second hole, he drove another new ball into a lake.

On the third, he lost a new ball in another part of the woods.

"Why don't you use an old ball?" his friend Sam asked.

"I've never had an old ball," Morris said.

QUIZ CONTESTANTS CONTINUED

National Lottery Jet Set

Eamonn Holmes: What's the name of the playwright commonly known by
the initials G.B.S.?
Contestant: William Shakespeare.

Chris Searle Show, BBC Radio Bristol

Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
Caller: Japan.
Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear
that, I can let you try again.
Caller: Er... Mexico?

Family Fortunes

1) Something a blind man might use? A Sword

2) A Song with the word Moon in the title? Blue Suede Moon

3) Name the Capital of France? F

4) Name a bird with a long Neck? Naomi Campbell

5) Name an occupation where you might need a torch? A burglar

6) Where is the Taj Mahal? Opposite the Dental Hospital

7) What is Hitlers first name? Heil

8) A famous Scotsman? Jock

9) Some famous brothers? Bonnie and Clyde.

10) A dangerous race? The Arabs

11) Something that floats in a bath? Water

12) An item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers? A horse

13) Something you wear on a beach? A deckchair

14) A famous Royal? Mail

15) Something that flies that doesn't have an engine? A bicycle with wings

16) A famous bridge? The Bridge Over Troubled Waters

17) Something a cat does ? Goes to the Toilet

18) Something you do in the bathroom? Decorate

19) A method of securing your home? Put the kettle on

20) Something associated with pigs? The Police

21) A sign of the Zodiac? April

22) Something people might be allergic to? Skiing

23) Something you do before you go to bed? Sleep

24) Something you put on walls? A roof

25) Something Slippery? A conman

26) A kind of ache? A fillet of fish

27) A Jacket Potato topping? Jam

28) A food that can be brown or white? A potato

29) Something sold by gypsies? Bananas

30) Something Red? My sweater